Please Help Me Out with the Dysfunctional Family Bingo Contest, You Could Win an Autographed Book

* Cross-posted on the Picket Fence Post blog. *

For the past few years I’ve addressed the issue of holiday stress – particularly when you gather multiple generations together for a high-pressure holiday dinner — by creating Dysfunctional Family Bingo cards. I take awkward-but-realistic scenarios that might occur during (before or after) your family’s Thanksgiving dinner and place each one into a box on a BINGO card and pray that no one checks off enough boxes to actually win.

In some twisted way, writing up all of these scenarios amuses me and serves as a reminder that EVERYONE experiences a bit of familial dysfunction during holiday dinners so we may as well just find the humor in them. (For the full history of Dysfunctional Family Bingo, go here.)

What kinds of scenarios am I talking about? For the past couple years, I’ve used a few of my own holiday experiences (though there’s no way I’m ‘fessing up which ones are autobiographical) as well as some which my friends have shared with me in order to fill out each box on the Bingo card. Here are a few from my 2008 Dysfunctional Family Bingo card:

– Some older children at the gathering taught your impressionable young child how to spit, the glory of purple nurples and new vocabulary words like the “F” word.

– Your mother suggests that you join her in starting a diet in the new year, noting that your pants are getting “a bit snug” and asks you if you’ve ever heard of the term “muffin top.”

– It gets heated when several members of the family cannot agree on the best, fastest route to take from this location to the mall.

– A male relative drags you outside and points out everything that’s wrong with your house, from the roof and gutters, to the window screens and the chimney.

– Maxi pads, whose box you had tucked away in a bathroom cabinet, were taken out by a young nephew who decided to remove the paper strips on the back and stick them all over the bathroom wall in a random pattern.

This year, I’m going to ask you, my smart and witty blog readers, to please contribute YOUR OWN oddball/dysfunctional family holiday dinner scenarios which could happen (or have happened) during the celebration of Thanksgiving. I’ll use reader suggestions along with my own to create my 2009 Dysfunctional Family Bingo card. Please e-mail me your contribution (everybody’s got to have at least one amusing scenario) — to meredithobrien@hotmail.com — no later than noon on Monday, November 23.

The best four contributions (as determined by me) will earn their creators an autographed and personalized copy of my collection of humor/parenting columns, Suburban Mom: Notes from the Asylum, where the motto is, “Parenting is best done with a hearty sense of humor.” Looking forward to reading your e-mails!

Image credit: AP.

Q&A with ‘Diary of a Wimpy Kid: Dog Days’ Author Jeff Kinney

*Cross-posted from my parenting blog, the Picket Fence Post*

My three Diary of a Wimpy Kid fans were eager with anticipation for the fourth installment of Jeff Kinney’s series, Diary of a Wimpy Kid: Dog Days to arrive in our home. The day it came, it was in such high demand and there was such a struggle for each kid to be the first to read it that I decided to do the democratic thing and read it aloud to the three kids over the course of a weekend.

They were so jazzed after we finished reading the fourth book about the Wimpy Kid’s summer vacation that the four of us — me, my twin 11-year-olds and my 8-year-old — e-mailed questions to Kinney about his best selling series, featuring Wimpy Kid-in-chief, Greg Heffley. The Q&A is below:

Meredith O’Brien, Notes from the Asylum: Your portrayal of Greg’s summer, where everything seemed to go wrong — his family’s adoption of a dog wasn’t what Greg hoped it would be, his trip away with Rowley’s family went awry, his “landscaping business” failed and his mother tried to make him read books in which Greg had no interest — had my kids simultaneously laughing and feeling badly for Greg. What were your childhood summers like? Anything like Greg’s?

Jeff Kinney, author of Diary of a Wimpy Kid: Dog Days: I think Greg’s childhood summer was much worse than any of mine. Like Greg, my friend and I tried to start a landscaping business, but my grandmother wouldn’t give me a recommendation (due to poor service on my part), and so we never got past the starting gate. But I think most kids can relate to Greg who has grand plans for his summer that didn’t pan out.

O’Brien: Here’s a question from my 8-year-old son, “When you were Greg Heffley’s age, were you like him?”

Kinney: I was like Greg in some ways. I could be immature and self-centered, but really, I was a normal kid. I think Greg has very exaggerated faults. I wasn’t perfect, but I wasn’t as flawed as Greg.

O’Brien: Here’s a question from my 11-year-old son, “Where did you get the funny ideas for your books?”

Kinney: I spent a lot of time thinking and remembering funny things I’ve seen or heard. I try to make sure my ideas are realistic, because I think that’s what makes Greg’s story relatable. When I’m writing, I spend every night sitting and thinking with a blanket over my head, trying to come up with a good idea. Most of the time, I fall asleep.

O’Brien: A question from my 11-year-old daughter, “Which one is your favorite Diary of a Wimpy Kid book? Why?

Kinney: I think I’ll always have a soft spot for the first book, since I didn’t have any success in cartooning before it was published.

O’Brien: Another from my daughter, “Who is your favorite character in Dog Days?

Kinney: I think Rowley will always be my favorite character. He’s a good kid and he’s not tainted the same way Greg is.

O’Brien: Another from my 11-year-old son, “Can you give us a preview of the next book?”

Kinney: Sure . . . it will be about Greg and Rowley’s friendship, and whether or not it can be salvaged as they start to grow apart.

Holiday Dinners Stress You Out? Play Dysfunctional Family Bingo

This year The Spouse and I are NOT -- I repeat -- NOT hosting a Thanksgiving dinner at our house as we have for several consecutive years. We will not be deep frying our turkey in the backyard while I pray that The Spouse doesn't set something on fire, arguing over whether the corn bread stuffing we've made is moist enough or whether we've made a sufficient amount of mashed potatoes.

But that does not mean we are immune to the stress that often accompanies attending BIG holiday celebrations. (And I'm not even talkin' Christmas yet.) Thus the creation of my 2008 Dysfunctional Family Bingo card that's currently up at my parenting blog, the Picket Fence Post. It's a bingo card whose squares are filled with potentially awful scenarios that could occur during a family holiday dinner. Believe me, this is a game you do not want to win.

For years, my friends and I would joke about secretly playing Dysfunctional Family Bingo, particularly after sharing a number of war stories about our experiences. Now we've opened up the game to everyone. Feel free to play along, or just add your own loony holiday dinner story(stories) in the comments section. Remember, no one ever has a perfect holiday celebration.

Happy Thanksgiving!