Announcing 'Mad Men' Mondays

We just got back home a few days ago from a family vacation at the beach and are now (still!) getting caught up on all we missed . . . including the first two episodes of the second season of AMC's Mad Men (airs on Sunday nights at 10) which were sitting on my DVR.

Now that this show is starting to get its sea legs -- and over a million viewers -- I decided that it's worth discussing here each week, dissecting not just the exploits of the dashing New York City advertising executive Don Draper (Jon Hamm), but those of his wife Betty (January Jones) who lives in the 'burbs with his two kids (and is just starting to come into her own after acknowledging her husband's infidelities), their neighbors and the lone female copywriter at Don's ad agency, Peggy Olson (Elisabeth Moss).

So, starting next week, the Monday after each new Mad Men installment, I'll blog here about the latest episode. If you haven't watched the episode yet -- maybe you've recorded it but not yet watched it -- do not come to this web site because there will be spoilers here. (You've been warned.) I'd love to hear from fellow Mad Men fans, as well as critics, as we weigh in on the unfolding drama.

Image credit: AMC.

'Swingtown:' Who Knew the 'Burbs Were So Much Fun?

I've been watching CBS' controversial new show Swingtown, set in the summer of 1976 in a Chicago suburb, featuring a married couple with two kids (The Millers) who've just moved into a house across the street from married swanky swingers (The Deckers), and married parents from the Millers' old neighborhood (The Thompsons) who find the swingers morally reprehensible.

Though the show gets a lot of mileage out of promoting the spouse swapping aspect -- and gets plenty of people up in arms over its portrayal of 70s sex and drugs -- I find the examination of marriage and monogamy fascinating . . . that is when I'm not blinded by my own nostalgia about the era's clothing, music and "technology" (i.e. -- eight-track tapes). I was, after all, a 70s kid. (Shaun Cassidy and The Partridge Family rocked my world.)

For my Mommy Track'd column this week, I compared the portrayal of suburban women circa 1976, when the phrase "women's lib" was bandied about, to now, when media folks are still debating whether sexism played a roll in the coverage of Senator Hillary Clinton's presidential campaign. Dust off your Cat Stevens and Carly Simon vinyls, break out your Dr. Scholl's. And get a load of actor Grant Show's 'stache.

Image credit: CBS.

Mad About 'Mad Men'

One of my new TV favorites, AMC's Golden Globe winning Mad Men, was the focus of the New York Times Magazine cover story this weekend and I couldn't have been more thrilled. (For the uninitiated, the show focuses on the work and personal lives of advertising executives on New York City's Madison Avenue in 1960.)

The lead character, the haunted, philandering Don Draper (Golden Globe winner Jon Hamm, whom the Times likened to Gregory Peck) is a fascinating anti-hero. In fact, almost all of the Mad Men characters are deeply drawn, including Draper's wife Betty (January Jones), the trapped at-home mom of two who's living her life among other housewives in the 'burbs while her husband drinks heavily in the city or lingers with his mistress du jour.

Of the next season's Betty Draper storyline, show creator Matthew Weiner said:

"Betty Draper is getting angry. She is an incredibly beautiful woman who married a man she barely knows because he looks good on paper. Her mother has just died, and she's realized that when her beauty disappears she will cease to exist. She's not enough for her husband, and she doesn't want to accept it. She's terrified of dealing with that problem because she cannot get divorced, she cannot be single, she cannot start over. She is somewhat puritanical."

Another intriguing character is the brand new copywriter, the only female copywriter in Draper's ad agency, Peggy Olson (played by Elisabeth Moss, who used to play President Bartlett's daughter on The West Wing). Last season she was promoted from the secretarial pool and gave birth to a baby whom she didn't realize she was carrying, the child of a married junior ad exec.

Above you'll find a video from YouTube from last year's season finale. It's a scene showing Don pitching an advertising campaign to the folks from Kodak who are looking to hire an ad agency to sell their slide machine. The proposal is made during a time when Don's afraid he's losing his bearings on what's important, including his family. It's very poignant.

The sophomore season starts on July 27 on Thursdays at 10 on AMC. I've already noted the date on my calendar. In bold.

Image credit: New York Times.

Why Can't Moms Have More Gals' Nights Out?

I've been feeling starved for a gals' nights out.

With our children's schedules packed, our workloads insane and everyone running around ragged, it has become ridiculously impossible for me to get together with my gal pals. Whether it's to simply go out to catch a movie or simply a cup of over-priced coffee some place, my mom friends and I experienced a great deal of trouble trying to make our schedules jive.

I sadly lament the decline in the time I'm able to spend with my friends in my April Parents and Kids Magazine essay.

Do you and your gal pals have time to get together or do your families' lives get in the way of your nights out?

Catchin’ Up: Kid Liars, Breastfeeding in the Funny Pages, Going Green and More

New York Magazine has been on a roll lately. They’ve been producing one provocative parenting piece after another. The latest was a recent cover story about why kids lie to their parents. And they do. Lie. All the time. (Without impugning anyone specific, I can say that I speak from experience on this subject.)

I felt great despair as I read through the article, wondering what, if anything, can be done about pint-sized tellers of tall tales . . . until I arrived at the end of the piece and found some pointers which included:

-- Don’t dissuade your kids from tattling because they’ll internalize the message that they can’t come to you with their problems. This will become habitual and, when they’re teens they won’t tell you one of their buddies has been getting loaded every weekend. Or driving drunk. Or other delightful stories.

-- As maddening as it may be, the article says, let your kids argue their points, even if you have no intention of giving into their demands: “In families where there was less deception . . . there was a much higher ratio of arguing and complaining. The argument enabled the child to speak honestly. Certain types of fighting, despite the acrimony, were ultimately signs of respect – not of disrespect.”

So when my Eldest Son is bitterly complaining about how I’m on a multi-year campaign to ruin his life and embarrass him with my mere existence, I can take comfort in the fact that by letting him prattle on, I’m encouraging him to, according to the article, be more honest?

Breastfeeding in the Funny Pages

The “Stone Soup” comic recently had a storyline featuring a new mom who was discretely nursing her baby at a restaurant and was asked to leave because her breastfeeding offended the man who was “nuzzling a buxom bimbo half his age.” Kudos to cartoonist Jan Eliot. Keep fighting the good fight.

Going Green

Ever since my children commenced their formal education, I’ve been on an anti-paperwork kick, frequently complaining that I feel as if I'm under an unrelenting siege from school paper with which I absolutely cannot keep up, no matter how many dead presidents I waste on containers and organizers.

My February Parents and Kids column was yet another volley in my anti-paper campaign, where I lament how my kids’ schools had been resistant to the notion of going paperless and hadn’t been accepting of the notion of sending me school notices, permission slips, et al, by e-mail, so they don’t wind up in massive, scary piles on my kitchen counter.

I have good news to report: The unnamed PTO president who I mention in the piece -- who unsuccessfully argued my point to the school department this fall -- called me after reading the column and told me that there’s been a change of heart at the school. The day will be coming, she promised me, when the school will cease and desist with sending home three copies of the announcement that Friday is Aloha Day and that I’ll get ONE e-mail informing me of the mirth and frivolity at my children’s institutions of learning.

So if you feel overwhelmed by your child's school paperwork, take up the cause and make the case to your school district to go paperless. Print out the column and tell ‘em it CAN be done. Your cluttered kitchen counters will thank you.

Lenton Cash

During Lenton season every year, my interfaith household takes on the task of either giving something up or promising to do something for the greater good during the 40 days between Ash Wednesday and Easter. This year, as I did last year, I’ve said I’d try to give up swearing and saying “bad” words (to the kids, “bad” words include: Darn, damn, stupid, dumb and the obviously blue language that occasionally *cough* slips past my lips, even when the kids are out of earshot, such as when I'm driving to work solo and am trapped behind a horrifically slow motorist). When I make a mistake, as humans are apt to do, I must deposit a quarter into a jar. At the end of Lent, we’re going to donate the money to our church.

It’s been a rough couple of weeks. The jar is embarrassingly full. At least the church should be happy.

Letting the Kids Play

The New York Times ran a fascinating piece in their Sunday magazine this past weekend about the value of children’s free play time. Though it suggests that there’s no hard, scientific evidence that giving children the opportunity to play is a sure-fire ticket to future success, it does raise some interesting points. Well worth the read.

Read This

Humorist Christie Mellor has a very funny, spot-on essay detailing why you shouldn’t abandon who you are and suddenly don an angelic, Sancti-Mommy halo the minute you become a parent. It’s cleverly entitled, “Chardonnay Swilling Whore.” Not for the faint of heart. Or those who are easily offended.

(Image from Stone Soup.)

Four for Friday: College Application Nuttiness, Kids’ Homework, HSM 3 and 'Baby Mama' Movie Trailer

Item #1: College Application Nuttiness

One of my favorite, down-to-earth columnists, Betsy Hart wrote a great piece tackling the issue of how much emphasis today’s parents place on their children getting into the “right” colleges, instead of trying to “raise persons of character who will eventually be able to thrive and prosper and grow and learn in almost any college – and really, any life – environment.”

“Especially in an ever-changing and dynamic economy,” Hart wrote, “it seems it’s really the student, not the college, that matters.”

Item #2: Kids’ Homework for Kids (Not Parents)

It’s your kid’s homework assignment. Not yours. And if your kid does poorly on it, it’s her fault, not yours.

That’s the message sent by a blog entry from the Washington Post’s “On Balance” parenting blog. Writer Julie Lenzer Kirk said that she took umbrage when her 10-year-old daughter said if she did poorly on an assignment it would be because her mom wouldn’t help her because her mom was working. Au contraire, Lenzer Kirk responded, adding that the kid would have to wait until she was available for help instead of waiting until the very last minute to work on it.

A quick read through the comments section was illustrative, including one comment from someone who says she’s a teacher and wrote: “Nothing bothers me more than a child who has every homework assignment completed perfectly, has no questions for me, yet fails a quiz because he or she doesn't really get it, because mom/dad essentially did the work.”

Item #3: 'High School Musical 3:' The Franchise That Will Not Die

I can sing and/or hum every song from the two “High School Musical” movies, as we are an all-HSM all-the-time household . . . that’s when we’re not being treated to the musical renderings of Hannah Montana or the Eldest Son’s pounding away on the drum set he got for Christmas.

And there’s no end in sight for the HSM madness as the announcement was made official this week that the major stars from the first two HSM films will indeed appear in "High School Musical 3" which is scheduled to be released in movie theaters this fall.

We’re all in this together . . .

Item #4: 'Baby Mama' Movie Trailer

“Baby Mama” is a new film slated for a spring release for which I just saw the trailer on the Entertainment Weekly web site. It looks like it has the potential to be darkly funny. It takes the idea of having someone else be your gestational surrogate and makes it (hopefully) humorous. That’s a tricky proposition. But the film stars Tina Fey, who has a small child herself. And Amy Poehler co-stars as Fey's fictional surrogate. So I’m keeping my fingers crossed. Watch the trailer here and judge for yourself.

When Mothers Judge

Stop what you’re doing . . . well, finish reading this blog item and then stop what you’re doing and read Ayelet Waldman’s piece in this week’s New York Magazine entitled, “The Bad-Mommy Brigade.”

I was fairly far into my nine-plus years of parenthood before I finally figured out that the contemporary standards for motherhood – that you not only have to be perfect, but that you have to be happy while being the perfect parent (no complaining, for example, that you don’t like playing Barbies) – are utterly unachievable and are responsible for a whole lot of unnecessary parental angst. And in recent years, I’ve found that some folks derive an unmistakable glee from learning that other parents have foibles and fall far short of being role model parents. The glee seems to be exponentially increased if the perceived “failing” parent is a celebrity.

So it’s with that mindset with which I approached Waldman’s piece. Not only did she take on this perverted fascination many mothers have with attacking other moms -- notably misguided celeb parents with whom I think people have become unhealthy obsessed – but how distorted our views of our own parenting has become. Waldman wrote:

“One way to find consolation in the face of all this failure and guilt is to judge ourselves not against the impossible standard of the Good Mother but against the fun-house-mirror-image Bad Mother. By defining for us the kind of mother we’re not, the Bad Mother makes it easier for us to live with what we are. We may be discontented and irritable, we may snap after the 67th knock-knock joke, our kids may watch three hours of television a day, we may have just celebrated the second anniversary of the last time we had sex, we may have forgotten to pack a snack, or, God forbid, bought one replete with partially hydrogenated vegetable oils, we may yank on our daughters’ ponytails while we’re combing their hair, but at least we’re not Britney Spears.”

Wanna know what contributes to all of this parenting paranoia to which Waldman refers? Articles like the one in the February issue of Redbook entitled, “How to Say No (Without Saying No).” (“Kids hate to hear it, and you hate to say it – but how else can you keep them safe and well-behaved? Try one of these smart alternatives to just saying no.”)

Usually, I’m a Redbook fan. I admire its down-to-earth positivity, its embrace of different, non-cookie-cutter women’s lives and shapes (a year ago the magazine featured non-models). But then the editors had to go and publish a piece that will simply guilt more mothers into contorting themselves and stressing out when they have to and need to tell their children "No." The article tells parents that they need to be all namby-pamby by giving children the illusion that they have power and control, even when dealing with 3-year-olds. So if one of the “Good Mothers” mentioned in Waldman’s article happens to spot you saying, “No” to your kiddo instead of a gussied up/faux version of “No” that provides a child some false sense of power, you’ll be tagged as a “Bad Mother.” This, my friends, is part of the problem.

Manic Mommies ‘Escape’ Helps Moms Chill . . . for Two Days Anyway

Harried moms descended upon Newport, Rhode Island this past weekend for the first “Manic Mommies Escape” event, organized and hosted by the Boston area podcasting duo, Erin Kane and Kristin Brandt. The weekend featured low-keyed seminars on everything from tips on how to make healthy meals your kids will actually eat (I bought a “meal make-over” cookbook in the hopes of getting some new ideas on how to get my brood to eat more than pasta, though I admit I’m a serious skeptic) and tips on how to balance your life, to the witheringly sarcastic, spot-on humor of stand-up comedian Dena Blizzard. (For a snippet of her routine from the Manic Mommies weekend, click here.)

During one of the sessions -- dubbed “Mom U.” -- I spoke with three different groups of engaged moms about my book (A Suburban Mom: Notes from the Asylum). And what I found was that – thank God – I’m not the only one who wishes more moms would be honest with one another about their imperfect lives (nary a perfect “Desperate Housewives” mother among us) and I wasn't alone in longing for today’s moms to be more accepting (instead of judgmental) of one another’s varying parenting styles. It was refreshing to meet flesh-and-blood women who agreed with the contention that we, as parents, need to seriously chill the heck out.

. . . Speaking of chilling out, at the school bus stop this morning, my neighbor reminded me that Hanukkah is horrifyingly early this year (starts Dec. 5) . . . just after we finished dishing about the proximity of Thanksgiving (IN ONE WEEK PEOPLE!) when The Spouse and I will host his family . . . and any chillin’ mojo I got from spending a weekend in Newport during the “Escape” with my buddy Gayle just went right outta me.

Erin and Kristin have posted a podcast recorded during one of the weekend sessions as well as a blog entry about the event on their web site. Heather Kempskie, Parents and Kids editor, has likewise blogged about her experiences there.

While driving home from the “Escape” on Sunday, I made one vow: I need to make it a point to spend more grown-up time – without the kiddos – with my gal pals. Many of the women with whom I spoke throughout the weekend said that they oftentimes find it difficult to coordinate a time to get together with their friends, particularly with their kids participating in a bazillion, non-stop activities. That, my friends, has got to stop. If husbands can find time for basketball leagues, softball leagues, fantasy football leagues, poker nights and golf outings (note that I’m not naming any names here), certainly wives can make some time to do something fun for themselves as well, and, no, grocery shopping does not constitute “fun.”

Now, if only I could squeeze in a gals’ movie night, in between Thanksgiving prep, Christmas shopping, Hanukkah, work and Christmas card preparations . . .

Daring Book for Girls: Author Q&A

Earlier this year, the book, “The Dangerous Book for Boys” made national best seller lists. Its call for boys to start being precocious, uncoddled and un-bubble-wrapped resonated with many parents who are loathe to slip into the role of helicopter parents.

But while many of us took comfort in seeing a book filled with instructions on how to do traditional activities for boys spotlighted, there was definitely a question left hanging: What about the girls? Authors Miriam Peskowitz and Andrea Buchanan teamed up and filled the void, publishing, “The Daring Book for Girls.” The two kindly answered some questions about the book and why it’s important to give girls back their girlhood.

Meredith O’Brien, blogger: So the book, “The Dangerous Book for Boys” was a rousing success. Made best seller lists. Garnered national media mentions. Did you feel like the girls needed a book of their own so they could live on the “dangerous” side of life as well? Why did you put this book together?

Miriam Peskowitz, co-author: Absolutely! When we saw, “The Dangerous Book for Boys,” we had two responses: Cool book, and where are the girls? Twenty-first century girls need a book to guide them through the years of girlhood.

Andrea Buchanan: Yeah – and while there are certain things in the boys’ book that our daughters loved and wanted to do, girls have a history of their own, and we wanted to honor that.

O’Brien: While flipping through this book, it brought back a treasure trove of memories for me, memories of slumber parties (chanting, “Light as a feather, stiff as a board”), playing Chinese jump rope and four-square on the playground, making a “God’s eye” at camp. Was a lot of this fueled by nostalgia?

Peskowitz: No, we’re not nostalgic types. Including those memories was fueled by our conviction that the traditions of girlhood matter, that these are important things that should be remembered and passed on. Sometimes the things girls do, like Chinese jump rope, are seen as marginal, while things boys do, marbles, for example, are tagged as retro and important. Some of that old girl stuff is incredible, and it was fun to include it with all sports like basketball and darts, and with all the activities.

Buchanan: Some of the entries were a trip down memory lane, but many of those topics were brought starkly into the present as we looked at girls today and how they play. Hand-clap games, for instance, I never taught my daughter how to do them, and yet she knows. Girls on the playground still play these games, so even though they seem nostalgic to us, they’re still relevant and important to girls today.

O’Brien: What’s your favorite activity in “Daring?”

Peskowitz: My favorite changes every day. Today’s is “Lamp, Lantern, Flashlight.” It’s all about electricity and making circuits. It uses some D-cell batteries and a small light bulb, a stretch of copper wire and some electrical tape. I had fun with this because electricity is so mystifying. When I worked on this chapter, I learned a great deal about circuits and batteries. Electricity isn’t a traditional girl thing, now is it? But my older daughter and I like doing these kinds of projects, and one of her babysitters, a young woman named Rachel, used to bring the makings for various electrical activities when she came over.

Buchanan: It’s hard to pick just one favorite! The tiny chapter on learning how to whistle with two fingers was very fun to research and practice (if possibly a little annoying for anyone around me listening to my attempts at perfecting a piercing, cab-hailing whistle).

O’Brien: The entries seem like a blend of general knowledge (explaining the Bill of Rights, Robert’s Rules of Order and a section on state capitols), and information that emphasizes girl power, like the section on famous queens of the ancient world, female world leaders and how to be a spy. What were your criteria when selecting what activities you included in the book?

Peskowitz: Great question. We tapped into the big question, "What should a girl know?" and we sought out answers that nobody's had before. The book's eclecticism is great. We really like the surprises of the mixture. We had fun combining things that usually don't come together, like the rules of bowling next to a story about an ancient queen, or yoga next to silly pranks like making fake blood and short-sheeting a bed. There are lots of different girls out there, and we wanted "Daring" to feel like a home for all of them.

Buchanan: We both really just love knowing stuff, and we think girls do, too – it's empowering to know how to do things, and it's empowering to know information, history, facts, and interesting, sometimes obscure bits of lore. We tried to compile a really wide-ranging selection of chapters so that every girl could read the book and discover something she hadn't known before.

O’Brien: What’s been the reaction of your own daughters?

Peskowitz: They love it.

Buchanan: My daughter already tagged the book with post-its, noting which pages she likes best (no surprise, the only vaguely sporty chapter she's into is tag!). She's tremendously proud of the book -- but she was really annoyed that we hadn't included "Because of Winn Dixie" in the chapter on, "Books That Will Change Your Life"! We got into a nice discussion of what books mean to people because of that.

Moms Dishin’ Truth About Work and Family

There were some who work full-time, some who work from home, some who are at-home and hoping to return to the paid work fold some time the future. The one thing they had in common – aside from being parents – was their honesty. And for the 600+ women from the San Francisco area who came to listen to the panel of women dish about work and motherhood, they did not leave disappointed.

After six authors, myself included, signed our books for attendees of the Mommy Track’d/Flexperience “Mother+Professional=New Formulas for Success” event, we filed into a large conference hall to hear the Washington Post’s Leslie Morgan Steiner read from her book, Mommy Wars and then moderate a panel discussion on careers and parenthood. Some of the choice excerpts:

-- “I think we’re exhausted, multi-tasked out,” Amy Keroes, Mommy Track'd founder told the crowd, many of whom nodded in agreement. “. . . There’s no one-size-fits-all way to do this.”

-- Steiner said that when it comes to figuring out how to handle one’s profession while trying to maintain a marriage and raise children, “We don’t have any clear role models.”

-- Urging moms to find camaraderie with other mothers, Steiner said, “Every single thing changed for me when my child was born . . . [My husband] took three days off from work and then went back.”

-- Sarah Clarke, co-host of the Bay Area’s morning radio show “Sarah and No Name” who told the audience she tried broadcasting her program from home after having her first child (nursing the baby while on air), said she regularly tries to dispel the myth of perfect parenthood on her radio program, openly admitting to her listeners that her kids can drive her crazy.

-- Kirstin Hoefer, a senior director at eBay who works part-time and has three kids, said she loves her work and was thrilled that she was able to negotiate a four-day-week work week AND still get promoted despite not working full-time. She also added that since she’s been on board, other mothers who wanted to work three days a week have been hired.

-- Lin Stillman, mother of two who has run a solo law practice from her house for seven years, said she was able to find sanity by establishing a separate, designated place in her house for her work. When her son comes home from school, he joins her in her office, sitting at the desk right next to hers and does “his” work.

-- Meanwhile, Lori McAdams, vice president of Human Resources at Pixar and mom of three, said working from home and part-time employment wasn’t for her.

-- Many of the panelists burst the “perfect mom” bubble – thank God! -- by admitting that, in an attempt to balance their work and home lives, they’ve had to let many things go, like housework. They order groceries online. They let home repairs slide for a while. They send e-mail thank you notes instead of paper ones. They’ve given up cooking. They take a pass on volunteering for school activities until their kids are old enough to be left at home alone without having to hire a babysitter.

And while we’re on the subject of volunteering, a day after the seminar . . . Steiner blogged about her struggles with trying to politely refuse requests from PTO folks at her children’s school because she simply cannot fit volunteering in right now. Her blog entry is provocatively entitled, “Volunteer Vampires.”

Two Studies in (Un)Happiness

I read an article in the New York Times business section today with great sadness. The subject: Happiness.

Columnist David Leonhardt examined a couple of recent studies which attempted to gauge the level of happiness among American adults and wrote, “. . . [T]here appears to be a growing happiness gap between men and women.”

The reasons the various researchers offered for this were intriguing.

Saying that since the 1960s women have piled their paid work responsibilities on top of housework and handling many items on the domestic front, Leonhardt wrote, “Forty years ago, a typical woman spent about 23 hours a week in an activity considered unpleasant, or 40 more minutes than a typical man. Today, with men working less, the gap is 90 minutes.” He added, “But researchers who have looked at time-use data say the second-shift [women with two jobs, one at home, one at work] theory misses an important detail. Women are not actually working more than they were 30 or 40 years ago. They are instead doing different kinds of work. They’re spending more time on paid work and less on cleaning and cooking.”

Apparently, according to the researchers, the reason women are unhappy is because they want too much. “What has changed – and what seems to be the most likely explanation for the happiness trends – is that women now have a much longer to-do list than they once did (including helping their aging parents),” Leonhardt wrote. “They can’t possibly get it all done, and many end up feeling as if they are somehow falling short.”

(Am I the only one nodding?)

Leonhardt paraphrased Betsey Stevenson, an economist from the University of Pennsylvania and author of one of the studies as saying, “A big reason that women reported being happier three decades ago – despite far more discrimination — is probably that they had narrower ambitions.” (Like simply desiring to keep their kids alive and putting dinner on the table?)

Sara Schaefer Munoz, who blogs for the Wall Street Journal read the same bleak Times article and asked: “So if women are indeed unhappier than men, what’s the answer? Would narrowing our ambitions, and our lives, really make us happier? Would more support, like universal childcare, paid leave for new parents, and husbands who do more at home bump up women’s happiness quotient?”

Appeals Court Judge: Breastfeeding Mom Med Student CAN Have Breaks During Exam

Finally, a voice of reason, untainted by irrational Neanderthal attitudes.

A Massachusetts Appeals Court judge today reversed the lousy, anti-working mom ruling a lower court issued last week regarding medical student Sophie Currier’s request to have extra time during her medical license exam to express her breastmilk.

According to an Associated Press news brief, “Appeals Court Judge Gary Katzmann overturned that [earlier] ruling, finding that Currier needs the extra break time to put her on ‘equal footing’ with the men and non-lactating women who take the exam.”

The National Board of Medical Examiners initially refused to afford Currier additional breaks during her nine-hour medical license exam to express her breastmilk by saying that lactating doesn’t qualify as a disability and therefore they didn’t need to give her extra time. A judge last week said Currier could instead just wait until she had finished with all that messy breastfeeding business before she tries to take the exam again.

Thanks to Judge Katzmann, Currier won’t have to choose, her baby’s breastmilk or her own career.

(Image from the Associated Press.)

Breastfeeding Mom Denied Extra Time for Medical License Exam

This just in . . . a Massachusetts judge has denied a Massachusetts woman’s plea to compel the National Board of Medical Examiners to afford her additional breaks during her nine-hour medical license exam so she can properly express her breastmilk for her 4-month-old baby. The National Board of Medical Examiners initially denied her request for extra time saying that lactating doesn’t qualify as a disability and therefore they don’t need to give her extra breaks.

“The plaintiff may take the test and pass, notwithstanding what she considers to be unfavorable conditions,” said Norfolk County Superior Court Judge Patrick Brady (who has likely never tried to express breast milk for a newborn baby). “The plaintiff may delay the test, which is offered numerous times during the year, until she has finished her breastfeeding and the need to express milk.”

Did I mention that the dispute is over time to take a medical exam? So that the mom can become a doctor? And that doctors’ associations and the federal government are the ones who love to admonish new mothers that if they don’t breastfeed their babies for the first year that they’re condemning their children to myriad health problems? (Let us not forget that some officials have likened baby formula to poison.)

Yet . . . when a woman has a medical need to express her breastmilk every few hours so she will not develop an infection, and so her breasts won’t explode all over her test (that would constitute “unfavorable conditions” Judge Brady), they tell her to kiss off, to pick one, her career or breastfeeding.

And they wonder why more women – particularly working moms – don’t breastfeed?

New England Mamas, Blogging

Eighteen moms. From four different New England states. Working moms. At-home moms. Writers, educators and a professional dog trainer. Moms of babies through moms of grown kids. Boston Red Sox fans and at least one New York Yankees fan. Blogging about everything from casino gaming and gay marriage in Massachusetts, to childcare issues.

Since May, Massachusetts blogger Tania (her last name was withheld per her request) -- who goes by the name “Mrs. Chicky” on her two-year-old blog, Chicky Chicky Baby – has been their ringleader for a group-written blog called New England Mamas. Mrs. Chicky agreed to field questions about the blog:

Meredith, Suburban Mom Blog: Why did you start New England Mamas and how is it different than other blogs?

Mrs. Chicky, founder of New England Mamas: It was started to connect all the New England women whose personal blogs I was reading into one space where we could discuss regional topics that may not have been of any interest on our personal blogs. We've discussed ideas on where to finally meet in person -- beyond the blog, as it is -- as well as places where we might have play dates with our kids. But I think we can do more than just talk amongst ourselves. The New England Mamas are a group of very dynamic, intelligent women who have strong opinions that deserve to be heard and I think there's a real need for that beyond our own computer screens.

It's not so much different from other blogs as it is different from any form of communication for mothers in New England currently available. There are message boards and meet-up sites and all that, and they're all great for what they do, but through blogging we have the incredible power of free media to reach out to those who may not know how to find others like them. It's incredibly empowering to do a Google search for a specific topic, maybe related to parenting or maybe not, and find yourself on someone's blog and make that instant connection. Especially when you're a mom who believes that no one out there thinks the way you do.

It may sound trite, but when you strip away everything but words it's much easier to get to know the real person behind them. We believe in what we write and we'd like to share our knowledge on a wide number of topics, for good or bad, with others.

Meredith: What are the concerns of New England Mamas right now? What are people talking about?

Mrs. Chicky: The last three really interesting posts were: The proposed casino in Middleborough [MA] and its possible impact on the area, the sunflower sale at Buttonwood Farm Ice Cream Stand in Griswold, CT to benefit the Make-A-Wish foundation, and the Edward Hopper exhibit at the MFA. And, of course, the Red Sox.

We're all mothers but we have interests beyond diapers and playgroups -- though we discuss those too -- and we want to use our knowledge and experience to help other parents in the New England area. We have a very important national election coming up, for instance, and the outcome could have a major impact on important topics to us, like health care, child care, and woman's reproductive rights.

We also want to connect mothers to other mothers through our blog. Motherhood can sometimes be an isolating and downright scary experience, as I sort of alluded to before. We want moms to know they're not alone. I know I've personally met some incredible women through blogging, women I may have never had the chance to meet without my blog, and it's changed my life.

Meredith: Who are your fellow New England Mamas, and do they have any areas of expertise?

Mrs. Chicky: Currently we have contributors from all over New England except Vermont and Maine, and we are looking to fill those spots as soon as possible. The New England Mamas are published writers, educators, graphic designers, and other professional or former professional women from different walks of life who are passionate about everything from the Red Sox to cooking to education and health care reform. And each one has their own personal blog outside of the New England Mamas.

We are extremely diverse in our passions as well as in our areas of expertise. I mentioned the educators in our group of bloggers so I believe we'll have some interesting discussions about education standards in New England. We also have a couple of women who formerly worked in the beauty industry, which is very exciting because what mother doesn't want tips or product reviews that will help them look and feel better? There are some serious political junkies in our group who will, no doubt, be covering the upcoming national election from a parent's perspective. Our moms are very interested in the skyrocketing costs of child care in New England as well as the state of our national and state health care systems.

And, just to rattle off a few more, we have: Animal rights advocates, moms with disabilities, women who work in the field of law, and SAHMs [stay-at-home moms] who are breaking down the perceptions of what it means to be a mom.As a matter of fact I just found out that Alex Elliot one of our contributors who also blogs at www.flexibleparenting.com is flying to NYC today to be on the Mike and Juliet show to discuss a blog post from her personal blog on formula
feeding. We're all extremely excited for her.

Meredith: What has been your blog's most popular, or controversial, post thus far?

Mrs. Chicky: By far it was a post written about the seventeenth Constitutional Convention in Massachusetts to consider the amendment (H 4840) that would have banned same-sex marriage (which was defeated). Not all of our contributors, or our readers, consider themselves to be liberal so there was an interesting back-and-forth discussion in the comments about whether or not marriage was a civil or a human right. It was extremely respectful and I know I took a lot away from it.

Meredith: Are the New England Mamas Red Sox fans, or do you think there will be any infighting when the baseball playoffs come around and, inevitably, the New York Yankees will face off with the Sox?

Mrs. Chicky: I'm a card-carrying member of Red Sox Nation so I love this question. I took a poll of our Mamas and it seems like most of us are hard core Red Sox fans. There are some contributors who have no allegiance or even particularly care for sports -- and we love them anyway -- and I believe there is one woman whose husband is a Yankees fan. Now that should make for interesting reading! Go Sox!

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No Wait . . . FOUR is the New Two, At Least Among the Affluent

While I was knee-deep in my 6-year-old’s “Star Wars” birthday party prep on Sunday, NPR ran a segment about how affluent families are having more kids than they used to. The site’s promo for a segment on “competitive birthing” among “posh moms” said, “The newest status symbol for the nation's most affluent families is fast becoming a big brood of kids.” That brood being comprised of about four offspring, despite declining birth rates overall.

I stumbled across the story – in which fellow New Englanders were interviewed -- after reading about it on several web sites, including Rice Daddies. Babble’s Strollerderby blog wryly quipped: “I blame the Pitt-Jolies for adopting all of those children.”

After listening to the segment though, I must admit, there are times when I too wonder about kid Number Four. Then I forcefully bash my head against a wall a few times (to simulate the experience of three years worth of sleep deprivation, akin to what kid Number Three generously provided his parents) and splash cold water on my face. Then I snap out of it. Unlike the families discussed in the segment, I don’t have nannies, parenting consultants and other assorted household staff taking care of the kids so I can look salon-fresh each day.

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Are Parents Discriminated Against in the Workplace?

The answer, according to a recent piece in the New York Times Magazine, is yes. If you are an employee – particularly a woman — who also happens to be a parent of young children, and you want to have any semblance of work-life balance, you’re going to wind up getting passed over for jobs, promotions and salary increases by people who either do not have children or those who don’t spend time with their children because they’re working a bazillion hours a week, the article suggests.

Citing the increasing number of lawsuits being filed “claiming workplace discrimination because of family care-giving obligations,” writer Eyal Press wrote:

“The rise of lawsuits in recent years has coincided with a new body of
research, much of it produced by a scholarly project called the Cognitive Bias
working Group. One member of the group is Shelley Correll, a sociologist at
Cornell. A few years ago, Correll was poring over labor-market data and noticed
that while the gap between the wages of men and women had narrowed, the gap
between mothers and everyone else remained wide. . . As an experiment, Correll
and other researchers asked volunteers to evaluate a pool of equally qualified
male and female job applicants. On some resumes, a clue signaled that the
applicant was a parent. Correll also sent 1,276 resumes for entry-level and
midlevel marketing jobs to 638 real employers.”

Can you guess what the results of Correll’s experiment? Press wrote:

“Mothers were consistently viewed as less competent and less committed
and were held to higher performance and punctuality standards. They were 79
percent less likely to be hired and, if hired, would be offered a starting
salary $11,000 lower than non-mothers. Fathers, by contrast, were offered
the highest salaries of all.”

Joan Williams, a professor at the University of California’s Hastings College of Law, told the Times that it shouldn’t have to come down to choosing between work or family. This tension between careers and care-giving obligations (to children and to elderly parents), Williams said, is created by a “marketplace structured around an increasingly outdated masculine norm: the ‘ideal worker’ who can work full-time for an entire career while enjoying ‘immunity from family work.’”

I think Williams is onto something, and that the results of Correll’s experiment is depressing beyond words.

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(Image from the New York Times.)

Three for Thursday: Chopsticks, Junie B. and Flex-Time

Item #1: Chopsticks. Everywhere.

If you asked any one of my three children why nearly all of the chopsticks in our house are scattered all over the place – on the garage floor, under the picnic table on the back deck, and underfoot in the family room – you would get a very simple response: “They’re not CHOPSTICKS! (*eyes rolling*) They’re magic WANDS!” (As in Harry Potter magic wands.)

To which my fruitless response has been: “Then make them MAGICALLY disappear!”

Item #2: Defending Junie B. Jones

Its parents like this, complaining in the New York Times, that just don’t get that the Junie B. Jones books is not s’posed to be grammaticly right. They are meant to be funny. And to make kids wanna read books ‘bout some real kid, like them.

Jeez.

Lie-ten up.

Item #3: Part-Time Shouldn’t Mean Sub-Standard

Citing a recent Pew Research Center study which found that 60 percent of working mothers would prefer to work part-time, “Perfect Madness” author Judith Warner asked in a New York Times op/ed this week why the American workplace doesn’t afford parents the ability to work part-time or flexible schedules without penalizing them with substantial pay and benefit
reductions.
“Only 24 percent of working mothers now work part-time,” Warner wrote. “The reason so few do isn’t complicated: most women can’t afford to. Part-time work doesn’t pay.”

“Feminists have long been leery of part-time work policies, which tend to be disproportionately used by women, mommy-tracking them and placing them at an economic disadvantage within their marriages and in society,” she said, adding that women have tried to forge their own work-family balances, but that this individualistic approach is simply not working.

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(Image from the Barnes & Noble web site.)

Four for Friday: Summer of Potter, Anti-Princess Reading List, Part-Time Working Moms and Signed Books

Item #1: It’s the Summer of Potter (Continued)

The Harry Potter mania in my house continues unabated. Now that my nearly 9-year-old twins

have been sucked into the vortex that is Harry Potter, they are unstoppable reading machines.

Now, ordinarily, I’d be cheering this development. But, given that it’s summer and I want them playing outside – ACTIVELY PLAYING (so that they tire themselves out) – all of this reading is complicating things. Actually, it’s complicating one thing: Their nearly 6-year-old brother who can’t yet read. So while his siblings are engrossed in Harry, the little one gets frustrated and either picks fights with them or hounds me in my office. Thus, all-Potter-all-the-time doesn’t exactly bring a smile to my face. (I think I’m going to have to hide the books and extort their return in exchange for some whiffle ball games with their brother outside.)

Item #2: Anti-Princess Reading List

My editor Amy Keroes over at the Mommy Track’d web site – it features news, columns (including mine on TV, movies and media), tips, interviews and products aimed at working moms – has hit upon a genius idea. Tired of reading simply princess-oriented material to her young daughter, she decided to come up with a list of books with strong girl protagonists.
Currently the list contains 35 titles including: Harriet the Spy, Olive’s Pirate Party, Cowgirl Kate and Cocoa, Do Princesses Scrape Their Knees? and Winners Never Quit (by Mia Hamm).

Item #3: Part-Time Working Moms?

A new survey by the Pew Research Center of women’s attitudes toward work and parenthood has found that 60 percent of those polled would prefer to work part-time. This is a marked increase, according to news reports, from 10 years ago when only 48 percent of women found part-time work appealing.

Media coverage of the poll has varied in quality, with some highlighting the fact that 45 percent of men and 38 percent of women think that mothers are better off staying home and not working, while 35 percent of men and 46 percent of women think that moms working part-time is a better arrangement. “It turns out dads are more comfortable with those longer hours, with 72 percent saying full-time work for them is ideal,” reported the Seattle Post-Intelligencer.

What did not get as much emphasis was the fact that many work-life analysts say that as work hours creep into what had previously been private, family time, the tension between home and work has grown so intense, that some mothers feel as though they have no choice but to either leave work or work part-time, in positions with little or no benefits, security and pay mere percentages of full-time employment. (Read some material from economist Heather Boushey for more on the media’s coverage of working moms and work.)

Item #4: Signed Copies of ‘Suburban Mom’ at Bellingham Barnes & Noble

Thanks to those who showed up at the book signing for The Book – A Suburban Mom: Notes from the Asylum – including my editor Heather Kempskie, from Parents and Kids, and my longtime buddies Kerry and Tim and their crew. There are still copies for sale at the Bellingham (MA) Barnes & Noble.

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(USA Today graphic.)

Three for Thursday: Massachusetts Public Breastfeeding Bill, Hybrid Moms and Men’s Health Survey About Dads

Item #1: Get Over Yourselves and Pass the Breastfeeding Law Already

It seems as though in virtually every recent legislative session, for several consecutive sessions, a bill has been filed in the Massachusetts Legislature to confirm that women have the right to breastfeed in public, that wherever a mom has a right to be, the mom can feed her baby.

And during each legislative session, a breastfeeding bill falls by the wayside, a victim of out-of-touch legislators who — despite the fact that the federal government has told women if they don’t breastfeed they’re poisoning their babies and despite the fact that the state’s Department of Public Health actively promotes breastfeeding as a healthy practice in a pro-breastfeeding campaign — want to make life more difficult for new moms. Or they simply just don’t want to deal with a delicate “women’s” issue like breastfeeding.

I’m tired of hearing people complain that women should be forced to hide in public restroom stalls or stay locked in their homes, away from the easily-offended eyes of their fellow citizens, if these brazen (it’s always brazen) women intend to breastfeed, as though breastfeeding shameful and should be done in private.

I’m tired of hearing people liken the natural act of breastfeeding to the natural acts of defecation or urination which would never be done in public. (A baby who’s breastfeeding is EATING folks, and if, in your mind, eating and defecation are equivalent acts, maybe you should take some cooking lessons.)

I’m tired of hearing people tell women that they should be decent and cover themselves when they’re nursing a baby because people are offended by their whipping (it’s always described as whipping) out their breasts (I’ve yet to see a breast that can whip). Yet no one bats an eye or complains about being offended by billboards, TV ads, magazine ads, shop window displays (ever walked by a Victoria’s Secret at a mall?) and actual people walking down the street who brazenly send the message that breasts are sexual parts of the body meant to be exploited.

Just pass the damned bill already and put your laws where your state health recommendations are. If the Massachusetts Department of Public Health and the federal government think it’s so important for women’s and children’s health for women to breastfeed, then protect the women who actually try to do it. Geez.

(For a summation on breastfeeding laws in the 50 states, go here. According to the Associated Press, by the way, Massachusetts is only one of four states without a breastfeeding law.)

Item #2: Hybrid Moms

No, I’m not talking about moms who trade in gas guzzlers for vehicles that run on alternative fuel sources. I’m talking about a new magazine entitled Hybrid Mom that’s aimed at women who describe themselves as blends of working moms and at-home moms. We’re talkin’ moms who’ve adjusted their work lives for their kids, or simply have to find a way to balance work and home life. The magazine focuses on everything from entrepreneurial moms to women are the antithesis of perfect homemakers.

Item #3: Men Talk About Their Dads

Men’s Health commissioned a poll where they asked 2,322 men about their own fathers. Some interesting results:

• 75 percent of men think they’re funnier than their fathers, while only 36 percent of men think they are “handier” than their dads.


• 62 percent of men said their own fathers are more responsible than they are.


• 57 percent think they’re better fathers than their own dads.


• 45 percent said their father never said he loved them (as compared to 27 percent whose dads said they loved them “all the time”).
  

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(Image from the Boston Herald.)

Three for Thursday

Item #1: Decapitation, Squared

I have this Willow Tree statue (see it above). I purchased one well before Willow Tree figurines became as ubiquitous as neon-colored Crocs in gift shops. It’s called “Tenderness.” When I first saw it lo so many years ago when my eldest son Jonah was a toddler, I was moved, it reminded me of us, and I bought it . . . which was unusual for me because I normally don’t go for knick-knack/statue types of things.

Within a year of getting the figurine and placing it on the fireplace mantel, Jonah accidentally knocked it off with a ball, resulting in the decapitation of the mother’s head. At the time, I raised one of my eyebrows and mused about whether this was some sort of sign, of what, I wasn’t sure.

Because I loved the statue so, I replaced it. And put it on the mantel. Then, a couple weeks ago, while preparing for the end-of-the-“Gilmore-Girls” party that I had with the kids, I accidentally knocked the new figurine to the ground. This time, the heads of both the mother and the son were decapitated. The headless figurine has been sitting on my office desk since the incident. I’ve been mulling whether I should buy this figurine for a third time and whether the dual decapitation means anything, in a karmic kinda way.

Item #2: Brooke Shields and Her ‘Pimp Hand’

A few weeks ago, it was Will Farrell and the potty-mouthed, alcoholic toddler in a hilarious (and not-appropriate-for-the-office video) where the toddler chews out Farrell for not paying the rent on time. Now it’s mom of two Brooke Shields' turn to weave a brief comic tale, this time, as an insane playground mom who likes to holler, “Check yourself before you wreck yourself” at her daughter, and who has a propensity to refer to pimps. Click here to see a short Shields video that’s not only funny, but similarly inappropriate for the office (or for pediatric ears).

Item #3: The Starter Wife

Take a man (a movie mogul) and a woman (not a movie mogul). Have them marry and live in LA. Have them procreate. Then have the man tell the woman – whose role in the family is as a movie mogul’s wife and at-home mother to the child – that he’s leaving her. Oh, and have him tell her via cell phone. Watch as the woman flounders, is socially shunned and then stands strong.

Sure, sounds a bit like bad Lifetime TV. But “The Starter Wife,” a six-hour miniseries on USA Network that starts tonight, stars Debra Messing. And I like her, so I’ll be setting up the DVR and watching this on nights when there is no Red Sox game on TV.

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(Image from Shop.com.)