Friday, September 14, 2007

Four for Friday: UnFunny, Parents Should Have No Fun, Bad News and Troy Loses a Leg


Item #1: The UnFunny

I’ve been informed by my eldest son Jonah that I am not funny. Not amusing. Not in the slightest. None of my jokes, funny voices/impersonations or silly renditions of popular songs display an inkling of humor. Therefore, he’s told me – nay, begged me – to cease and desist from attempting to engage in anything that I think is humorous while I'm in his presence.

When I occasionally forget about his no-Mom-jokes ban and answer the 77th question in an hour about what I'm making for dinner with a reply like, “Rocks and seagull stew,” he glares at me darkly and growls, “Moooom!”

His father, it should be noted, is NOT banned from trying to make jokes, not because he’s funnier, but because, as our son says, “I don’t have to see him all the time.”

Item #2: I Should Pack It In, I’ve Had My Chance

The same son who has placed a ban on my attempts at all things comedic, recently told me that I shouldn’t complain about the fact that it's hard for me to find time to do grown-up things (things that have nothing to do with my children, like, say, working, reading newspapers or having an uninterrupted conversation with another adult) because, and I quote, “You already had your time to be a kid" -- when you get to be self-centered and only look out for yourself --"and now it’s over.”

Thus, according to his pediatric brand of logic, I should devote the remainder of his childhood, my every waking moment, to serving his happiness. And to refrain from telling jokes.

Item #3: News My Kids Can’t Use

Watching television news or having a news radio station playing in the kitchen or the mini-van has been treacherous this week for those with young children.

First, there was the non-stop footage, even on serious news programs, of Miss Britney’s failed attempt to dance and vamp it up at the MTV awards. “There’s that naked lady on the news again,” my first grader Casey said casually. “Why do they keep showing her?”

Then my third grade daughter Abbey tearfully asked me if it was true what she’d heard from her friends, that one of the co-stars of her beloved “High School Musical” movies, Vanessa Hudgens who plays Gabriella Montez, had been fired by Disney for having a naked picture taken of herself and distributed on the internet. I sighed heavily. I’d hoped she wouldn’t hear about that. I told her that, as far as I could tell from the news I’d read, the teenaged starlet had NOT been fired, that she didn’t mean for people to see her naked and that she was sorry it happened. Then I launching into a finger-wagging this-is-why-you-should-never-let-anyone-take-photos-of-you-naked lecture to the wide-eyed 9-year-old who, for the life of her, couldn’t understand why anyone would want her picture taken while in the buff.

Finally, the news broke that the New England Patriots, in particular their head coach, had been accused of cheating. Fines and penalties were meted out and the team's image is tarnished nationwide. And, after a long week of bad news, The Spouse and I are girding ourselves for a discussion this weekend with our little Patriots fan before the football game about what happens when you break the rules.

Item #4: Troy’s Missing Limb

My “High School Musical” addicted daughter received several HSM items for her birthday, including a set of singing dolls representing the two lead characters, Gabriella Montez and Troy Bolton (played in the flesh by Zac Effron). In order to purchase the hard-to-find dolls in time for her birthday last month, I skipped the whole racing around to various stores business and simply ordered them online. But within a single day of play, Troy’s right leg broke off. (No, I didn’t inquire what Troy was doing to sustain such a serious injury. Maybe he was attempting to do one of Ryan Evans' jazz squares.)

I spent several days trying to glue his leg back into place, but to no avail. For weeks now, Troy has been sitting on a shelf in our kitchen, sadly overseeing days and days of children refusing to eat what their mother has cooked for them. I finally got sick of seeing Troy sitting there and yesterday offered to buy Abbey the new Troy doll now on sale to coincide with the premiere of “High School Musical 2.” Only none of the Troy dolls, neither the old version nor the new one, can be found at my local stores. The only HSM dolls I found on the shelves of local Target and Wal-Marts were Sharpay dolls and naked Gabriella dolls. Just kidding, and badly, as my son says I’m apt to do. The Gabriella dolls were indeed clothed.

So I guess it’s back to the internet in a quest to find a replacement Troy. In the meantime, I’ll superglue the Gabriella doll’s clothes onto her body, just in case.

E-mail Meredith

(Image from Amazon.com.)

1 comment:

maverick9465 said...

Ha! Your comments about what it's like to be a parent are hilarious! Who says you shouldn't make jokes!