Thursday, July 24, 2008

Wanna Be a Bridesmaid? Get Ready for Botox, Enhancements and Teeth Whitening

So much for the old fashioned notion that when you invite someone to be a bridesmaid in your wedding, the humiliation to which you subject her ends when you tell her what dress she should wear and how her hair should be done. Those were the good old days. Katherine Heigl in 27 Dresses had it easy by comparison.

Nowadays, according to the New York Times, brides are not only saddling wedding attendants with costly attire, but they're now asking them to Botox those wrinkles right outta their faces, surgically increase their busts, chemically whiten those choppers, oh, and insist that the bridesmaids' skins all be the same shade by visiting the same spray-tan facility.

Even though the news story says many of the brides are actually paying for the improvements to make their attendants look like wax statutes standing next to them when they utter their wedding vows (which now include, "in sickness and in health . . . as long as you keep yourself up and get Botox shots when your skin starts to age and go under the knife for cosmetic improvements when necessary") the insult factor imbued in these requests is staggering.

Lest you think I exaggerate: The Times quoted a 39-year-old photographer who took a pass on the breast enhancement surgery (surgery!) requested by the bride saying, "We're all Asian and didn't have a whole lot of cleavage, and she found a doctor in L.A. who was willing to do four for the price of two." She reportedly wore a push-up bra instead to provide the bride with her desired bridesmaid cleavage, because, as we all know, what's a wedding and lifetime commitment of fidelity without bridesmaid cleavage?
Then there was a woman who'd been friends with a bride-to-be for 20 years only to have the friendship fall apart when she said she didn't want to get "professionally spray-tanned for a Hawaiian-theme reception." When the bridesmaid suggested she use a tanning cream -- because she would get claustrophobic in the "tanning capsule," the paper said "the bride refused; she wanted everyone to be the same shade."

Not even the mothers of the bride and groom are immune from these Bridezillas. A 29-year-old bride said she suggested to her mother and mother-in-law to be that they "freshen up" for the wedding with a little Botox. Wonder if she then approached any grandmothers, elderly aunts and then, of course, all the male members of the family over the age of 30, lest anyone with wrinkles dare to ruin the perfection that would be her wedding.

Who are these people? Since when did weddings morph into an L.A. nightmare of plastic people with fake tans, paralyzed faces, unnaturally whitened teeth and breasts that defy gravity? Maybe it's just me, but I thought weddings were supposed to be about surrounding yourself with people who will support and celebrate your marriage through the ups and downs of life, not about whether everyone's skin tones coordinate.

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