I adore a teacher with a sense of humor, but, sadly, teachers and parents aren’t given much of a chance to exchange humorous pleasantries beyond, “Hey, isn’t it funny that my kid had to borrow $2 from you for lunch the other day because he forgot his lunch money on the kitchen table?"
Therefore, I didn’t exactly expect witty sarcasm when I opened my third grader’s Open House packet for parents – where the school informs us about all manner of things that occur in a third grade classroom in our town – and found a purple paper entitled, “School Homework Policy,” bearing an orange, happy-faced sticker.
At first, I groaned. “Great,” I thought. “More lectures on how I need to allot all of my post-school waking hours to guide my kids through the labyrinth of their assignments. More dunning words on how if I fail to help my children, if I absentmindedly forget to sign off on the homework assignment sheet, if I neglect to write (in a timely manner) a cheery note in my kids’ weekly notebooks, my children will be banned from recess and be forced to clean the cafeteria floor with a toothbrush.”
It began thusly: “Students should not spend more than 90 minutes per night on homework. This time should be budgeted in the following manner:”
“Oh boy,” I thought, “here we go.”
- 15 minutes looking for the assignment
- 11 minutes calling a friend for the assignment
- 23 minutes explaining why the teacher is mean and just does not like children
- 8 minutes in the bathroom
- 10 minutes getting a snack
- 7 minutes checking the TV Guide
- 6 minutes telling parents that the teacher never explained the assignment
- 10 minutes sitting at the kitchen table waiting for Mom or Dad to do the assignment
“These are given the night before they are due. This explains the name ‘long term.’ It is a long term commitment to time that begins at 9:30 p.m. and ends at 11:50 p.m. – or later. It is important that the whole family be involved in the project. It is imperative that at least one family member races to Wal-Mart or K-Mart for posterboard, and that at least one family member ends up in tears (does not have to be the student).”
I think I’m going to like this teacher. We speak the same language.
1 comment:
This is no Funny Business!!
Dan Aykroyd’s haunted house in up for rent for $30,000 a month. The resident ghost is reported to be MaMa Cass the enormous 60’s pop Icon.
You can see the property at
http://www.housefront.com/PropertyDetail.aspx?qry=469541&propertyID=367
and
http://realestalker.blogspot.com/2007/09/rent-dan-aykroyds-allegedly-haunted.html
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