Attention Fellow Women: Let's Take on One Another's Ideas, Not Personal Lifestyle Choices

“Guess what? [Mitt Romney’s] wife has actually never worked a day in her life. She’s never really dealt with the kinds of economic issues that a majority of the women in this country are facing in terms of how do we feed our kids, how do we send them to school?” -- Hilary Rosen, Democratic strategist and CNN political analyst, on Anderson Cooper 360.

“Spare me the faux anger from the right who view the issue of women’s rights and advancement as a way to score political points. When it comes to supporting policies that would actually help women, their silence has been deafening . . . I have no judgments about women who work outside the home vs women who work in the home raising a family. I admire women who can stay home and raise their kids full-time . . . It is a wonderful luxury to have the choice. But let’s stipulate that it is NOT a choice that most women have in America today.” -- Rosen in a piece on the Huffington Post after her appearance on Anderson Cooper.

"I made a choice to stay home and raise five boys. Believe me, it was hard work." -- Ann Romney's first Tweet on her new Twitter account opened after Rosen's comments on CNN.

"My career choice was to be a mother. And I think all of us need to know that we need to respect the choices women make. Other women make other choices, to have a career and to raise a family. I respect that. That's wonderful." -- Romney on Fox News.

"Every mother works hard, and every woman deserves to be respected." -- Michelle Obama's Tweet sent out hours after Rosen's comments.

If Hilary Rosen wants to challenge and/or attack Mitt Romney and his stances on certain issues and if she wants to blast the Republican Party, go for it. It's as American as apple pie to challenge candidates and their parties.

Ann Romney, like Michelle Obama, puts herself out there in the public eye as a campaign surrogate for her husband, offering personal anecdotes about life at home and how she thinks her husband would be a good leader. The decision to pick up that microphone and speak in public makes her statements on behalf of her husband fodder for media analysis.

Ann and Mitt Romney are very wealthy, therefore their perception of what "regular" Americans struggling to pay their bills may think and go through, are likewise fair game for scrutiny.

But to issue a one-off criticism of Ann Romney rooted in the fact that she chose to be an at-home mother, therefore implying that she has no right to talk about what any women may or may not be thinking about the economy, is a step too far and is seriously unproductive. If Rosen had said that Ann Romney's affluence made her a specious representative for "regular moms" then I'd be cool with that. But that's not what she said.

It's not wise to pick apart other mother's decisions with regard to work-life issues and how they raise their children. (All of this reminds me of the nasty and vitriolic comments directed at Elizabeth Edwards when she decided to take her children on the presidential campaign trail along with her husband John in 2008 even after she learned that her cancer had returned. People excoriated Elizabeth Edwards for making a choice that they wouldn't have, even though that choice was none of their business and had nothing to do with John Edwards' political agenda.)

Ann Romney's decision to be an at-home mom isn't a) relevant to the criticisms of her husband's campaign stances or b) a reasonable justification to dismiss her views on what some women might be thinking or worrying about. Just because someone is an at-home mother (or father) doesn't make that individual a clueless moron with no connection to the outside world and no leg to stand on when it comes to issues of concern to other parents.

Women are not a monolithic voting group. We come in all shapes, sizes, colors and creeds. We don't all make the same lifestyle decisions. Just like our male counterparts. We should celebrate the diversity of American women instead of sniping at one another with regard to our child-rearing decisions.

Seriously.

Why Didn't Geraldine Ferraro's Passing Generate More Media Coverage?

Liz Taylor -- two-time Oscar winner, AIDS activist and philanthropist -- died last week and received a mountain of news coverage as she was considered one of the last great American movie stars from the 1950s/1960s era. And she deserved a great deal of coverage as she earned a special spot in American popular culture history. (I contributed to the coverage here on this blog in and in a column I wrote about Liz, the working mom.)

Then on Saturday, Geraldine Ferraro also died and of the three Sunday newspapers I receive in dead tree form at my house, only one newspaper – the New York Times -- ran a page one story (though it was below-the-fold) about the first female, major party candidate for the vice presidency. The Boston Globe had a page one news blurb mentioning Ferraro’s death and telling readers to turn to page B9 for the obituary, odd given that Ferraro passed away in Massachusetts General Hospital in Boston. My local newspaper, the MetroWest Daily News, didn’t even mention Ferraro on page one and ran a modest Associated Press story about her passing on page two.

By contrast, the day after Taylor died, the New York Times ran a large photo and story, above-the-fold on page one, the Boston Globe ran a photo and story below-the-fold on page one and the MetroWest Daily News ran a teaser on the top of the page, with a folder, telling readers to turn to page two for an AP story.

This just didn’t seem right to me. Sure, Taylor was a major American icon, considered a screen siren with Oscar-winning acting chops and a fascinatingly exciting life so it makes sense that she would generate media attention. As for Ferraro, whether you were a fan of her politics or not, she was a major historical figure whose selection as the 1984 Democratic vice presidential running mate “broke” the males-only glass ceiling for a national office. Certainly she deserved more coverage and attention than she received, at least with the papers I read, and on web sites I frequent (which didn't cover Ferraro as much as they did Taylor). There were days and days worth of Taylor coverage but a small fraction, it seemed, devoted to Ferraro.

According to the Project for Excellence in Journalism, Taylor's death was the third biggest news story last week, the week running from March 21-27, coming in behind the Middle East uprisings and the events in Japan. Taylor garnered 13 percent of newspaper coverage and 7 percent of overall media attention (cable/network TV, radio, online, newspapers). Ferraro died on March 26, within the period the think tank examined, and she didn't make it onto the list of top stories.
Do you think Ferraro’s death was downplayed, when you compare it to Taylor’s? Is it really all about sex appeal and the allure of the Hollywood celeb culture? 

Image credit: Time via Forbes.

'Medium' SEASON Finale Tonight, Season Six'll Be on CBS in Fall

Regardless of the promos you might have seen on NBC for tonight's season finale of the Patricia Arquette drama Medium (like the one from YouTube above), it's NOT the end of the show. Medium will live on in the fall on CBS.

In case you haven't heard . . . there was quite the hullabaloo last month when NBC decided to cancel the five-year-old show in which Arquette plays medium Allison Dubois who helps the Phoenix district attorney solve crimes by talking to the dead or dreaming about stuff that helps folks nab the bad guys. Calling the show "aging," an NBC exec (on a network which, by the way, renewed the nearly 19-year-old Law & Order) said Medium's fans were not vocal enough in their support of the show.

So I dedicated my Pop Culture & Politics column this week to Medium, whose season ends tonight, and why I've recommended it to others. There's Arquette's character Allison who provides one of the best working mom role models on TV as she and her husband Joe Dubois (Jake Weber) balance careers, three children and the crazy-busyness of the lives of families with young kids. As the family has coped with a layoff, the successes/failures of entrepreneurship and having to take a job that requires one spouse to live away from the family for a few days a week in order to feed said family and keep the house, Medium has offered a solid depiction of a middle class American family, except for the talking to ghosts/nabbing criminals angle. Then there's Allison and Joe Dubois, who an Entertainment Weekly writer dubbed "TV's best married couple." (Plus Joe is "without question, one of the outstanding husbands and fathers to ever grace television," according to E! Online's Jennifer Godwin.)

As I say in the column: What's not to love?

Coraline & Work-from-Home Parents

Took my twin 10-year-olds to see the dark, animated film Coraline recently, and was thrilled to learn that my kids took a good message away from it: You should be grateful for what you've got, parent-wise. (At least they SAID that's what they took away from it. They could've been playin' me, who knows?)

The movie features an 11-year-old girl, Coraline Jones, who's frustrated that her work-from-home writer parents don't make her the center of their universe and are too busy working all the time. When Coraline's given the opportunity to visit an alternative world, where her mom and dad appear to be the perfect parents who dote on her and serve all manner of goodness her way, she learns that there's a sinister side to getting everything you think you desire.

I wrote about the film, and my fourth graders' reactions to it, in my recent Pop Culture & Politics column.

Have you seen Coraline? What'd you think?

Cuddy's Got New Mom Angst on 'House'

Cuddy + New Baby = Angst . . . at least on the Fox show House, which dealt very bluntly and realistically in its past few episodes with the scary, not-so-nice feelings that sometimes accompany parenthood.

I dedicated this week's Pop Culture & Politics column to Dr. Lisa Cuddy's transition from being a single-minded, high-powered career gal, to being a career gal with a new baby.

Image credit: Fox/Adam Taylor via this web site.

'Desperate' Mondays: Mamma Spent $

Desperate Housewives' writers deftly told stories about the Wisteria Lane ladies through the lens of economics this week on a very micro scale. 'Twas a very timely, money-centric episode which examined money, or lack thereof, from different perspectives.

On the big bucks, high roller side was Bree Van de Kamp Hodge who -- now that her first cookbook is in its second printing and she's secured a multi-book deal with her publisher -- bought a beautiful new Lexus that can park itself in the driveway and has a mini-fridge which Bree said was big enough for a bottle of champagne, never mind the small detail that Bree's an alcoholic. I suppose it could be sparkling water she places in the fridge . . .

There was also the back-on-top-of-the-world Solis family, complete with Gabby Solis who, much to my chagrin, has returned to her glam designer duds after she pressured Carlos into taking a job he didn't want simply because she wanted money again. (I happened to agree with Edie Britt when she told Gabby that she liked her better when she was poor and paunchy.)

On the just-scraping-by side were Lynette Scavo, who's family pizzeria is faring so poorly that Tom had to sell his midlife crisis mobile for the cash, and Susan Mayer, who wanted to send her son to a private school because he's getting lost academically in his public school, but couldn't afford the recent tuition increase.

I admired the way the writers had Lynette and Susan cope with their financial woes. After Bree insisted on giving Lynette $20,000 (Bree felt badly about gushing over her new ride after learning that the Scavos were broke), Lynette wisely called the money a loan and promised to pay it back. Their brief flirtation with Bree serving as a 15 percent investor in Scavos Pizzeria went over as well as sprinkling heavily processed, powdered Parmesan cheese onto one of Bree's famous four cheese pizzas.



After a silly scene where Susan tried to steal what she thought was a real pearl necklace that Katherine Mayfair received from Mike Delfino, the father of her child who said he was strapped and couldn't afford to chip in any more money for their son's private education, Susan became relentlessly self-reliant. Susan told the school's headmaster that she'd be willing to take a job, any job at the school in order to qualify for half-price tuition for children of employees. Impressed by her pluck, the headmaster offered her a post as a teaching assistant in an arts class, a job for which he said she was overqualified. (Ever notice how we're hardly ever shown Susan at work as a children's book illustrator?)

Did you like this money episode, or are you of the opinion that with all the dire economic news we read and see every day, you don't want to see it in your entertainment?

Suburban Mom's Political Fix: Give Michelle Obama Some Space

After watching the Democratic national convention this summer, and, in particular, Michelle Obama's speech, I was inspired to write a column for Mommy Track'd, about how Michelle had apparently been advised/coached/requested to play down her career achievements -- about which she'd previously spoken at length -- and emphasize traditional First Lady-type issues, like being a mom and wife:

"Michelle Obama’s speech, executed warmly with aplomb, was a Hallmark card to the voters. ('. . . I come here as a wife who loves my husband and believes he will be an extraordinary president. And I come here as a mom whose girls are the heart of my heart and the center of my world. They are the first things that I think about when I wake up in the morning and the last thing I think about when I go to bed at night.') And, although I’m as much of a sucker for bittersweet, touching family stories as the next gal -- I adore watching the Obamas with their two spunky daughters -- as I watched the convention, I felt as though some of the regalness and the strength that we saw from Michelle: The Primary Season had been replaced by a new version, Michelle: The General Election Edition. While the color of her dress was bright, her tone was somewhat muted. She’d been Lifetime-televisionized."

But I also noted something I'd observed earlier in the campaign, that no matter what any of the female spouses of the presidential candidates (Bill Clinton, obviously, was excluded from this discussion) did regarding their careers, they were screwed. If they were too career-oriented or seemed too tough or smart, they were portrayed as scary and threatening, not a good supporter for the next potential president (think Teresa Heinz Kerry). If they were too soft and maternal, talking about baking cookies and childrearing, they were criticized for being anti-feminists who were setting back the women's movement. If they tried to balance their roles like many of us do -- like hospital executive/attorney Michelle Obama did during the primaries with an assist from her mother -- they were likewise pilloried.

Now that the election is over and Michelle Obama has proclaimed that she plans to be "mom-in-chief" first, stories and blog items have continued to lament the fact that Michelle Obama is blowing this chance to advance the cause of working moms, as in this from the Boston Globe: "Obama's decision to be foremost the 'first mom' potentially sends a wrong message: that high-level paid work and motherhood don't mix, or that women need to be the ones to step down to care for family." And, as someone who did lament that Michelle Obama had to shelve a part of herself (talking about her career) during the general election, I feel nothing but frustration when I read these stories, coupled by sadness that women in the political spotlight still can't just be themselves.

This recent New York Times piece demonstrated that there's no way Obama can win when it comes to what she chooses to do as First Lady:

"The unsolicited advice reflects the passionate debate stirring among working mothers here and abroad as they watch Mrs. Obama finalize her transition from hospital executive to self-proclaimed mom-in-chief in the White House. While Mrs. Obama has publicly embraced her soon-to-be assumed role as first lady, many women remain deeply divided over whether she will become a pioneer or a dispiriting symbol of the limitations of modern working motherhood."

I'm a big believer in letting people do what they feel is best for them and their families and it really irritates me when people jump all over candidates' wives or even the candidate herself (in the case of Sarah Palin, mom of five, who dared run for vice president), who also happen to be parents of small children, and lambaste them no matter what choices they make:

"How about you make your own, personal and career decisions. I’ll make mine. [Sarah] Palin, [Michelle] Obama and [Elizabeth] Edwards will make theirs," I wrote in Parents & Kids Magazine. "And we’ll just agree that we don’t all see eye-to-eye on work and parenthood and that we all stand alone in our own shoes. If the mothers who are so quick to attack one another’s choices would instead channel their energies into something other than insulting one another, think of all the time that’d be left to do something more constructive."

As we get closer to Inauguration Day, I hope that people will give Michelle Obama some space and let her carve out her own path instead of trying to dictate her life's journey to her.

Image credit: Jae C. Hong/Associated Press/Boston Globe.