'Desperate' Monday: Would I Think of Suicide?

*Warning, spoilers ahead from the latest episode of Desperate Housewives.*

In short order, the Desperate Housewives’ writers have transformed the Solises into a remarkably unlikeable and wildly self-centered couple who’ve progressed not a bit since season one. Why on earth did they do this? Why did they take Gabby and Carlos -- whom they spent much of last year building into a warm, down-to-earth couple – go down this road?

Over the Thanksgiving holiday week, I had the chance to see a bit of last season’s Desperate Housewives episodes on TV in the days when Gabby and Carlos were actually human beings with blood running through their veins: Carlos was resisting going back to a high-pressured job. When he started working crazy hours and came home from work grumpy and tired all the time, Gabby had pleaded with him not to go back “there,” to the time when she was the bored housewife who was ignored by her calloused and uncaring husband who cared more about his business’ bottom line than his wife.

Given what happened last season, it's been painful to watch the jack ass they’ve made of Carlos this season, telling Lynette to take a Florida transfer or face termination, moving Lynette’s office to a teeny supply closet and giving her 48 hours of work to complete an assignment in less than 24 hours (insisting that Lynette miss her daughter’s Christmas play) knowing there was no way she could finish it within the timeframe, giving him the perfect excuse to fire her.

Then there was Gabby, who accused Lynette of “lying” about her pregnancy when, in fact, she simply didn’t inform her of the pregnancy . She believed Lynette should’ve put Carlos’ business and the Solises’ bottom line ahead of Lynette’s own family, her family’s bottom line and the lives of the twins she’s carrying. Though she made a soft pitch to Carlos to let up on Lynette a little, once she learned that Lynette was suing Carlos for discrimination, Gabby acted as though LYNETTE was the one who wounded the friendship.

Why did the writers make the Solises such bad guys? Who out there is actually going to be rooting for them now, as they've tortured Lynette, knowing full well she’s her growing family’s only breadwinner, and then fired her? I don’t see a way for the writers to make them empathetic parents again. I just want to see them pay. And suffer.

Then there’s the transformation of Katherine Mayfair into Glenn Close’s character from Fatal Attraction. All that’s been missing is a boiling bunny on the stove. After harassing Susan Mayer and making her life hell, Katherine has set her sights on Susan and Mike Delfino’s son MJ, filling his head with criticisms of his mother (whom Katherine told him was “a bad person” and “stole” Mike from Katherine). After being told in no uncertain terms by Mike to stay away from MJ, she took the Glenn Close step of picking MJ up from a birthday party. When Mike confronted Katherine, as she knew he would, she took a knife which Mike’d handled, and stabbed herself with it.

I keep waiting for her to say that she’s pregnant with Mike’s baby. If only MJ had a pet rabbit. Seriously, we've entered Sillyville now.

What do you think about the conversion of Carlos and Gabby into evil cardboard characters? About Katherine pulling a Fatal Attraction?

Image credit: Ron Tom/ABC.

'Desperate' Monday: Careful the Things You Say

*Warning, spoilers ahead from the latest episode of Desperate Housewives.*

I’ll say this for the latest episode of Desperate Housewives, at least there was no Karl in it. That’s a plus.

I found this episode much more entertaining than other recent ones, with the exception of the whole who-strangled-Julie mystery, which I really could care less about.

Gabby’s homeschooling struggles with her ill-tempered child were well done, particularly when Gabby, who’d warned Juanita that if she didn’t study she’d wind up being a cleaning lady, willingly scrubbed floors so that her math PhD possessing housekeeper could tutor Juanita in fractions.

What I don’t understand is why Gabby’s had to go all I Love Lucy, doing stuff behind Carlos’ back and inevitably getting caught in spectacularly embarrassing fashion. Gabby can be very persuasive -- when she’s not whining -- so I don't understand why she’s agreeing to let Carlos control the purse strings. I thought that, especially in the wake of Carlos’ blindness and the time she spent caring for the family, that Gabby and Carlos decided to be partners and no longer have one spouse in a more senior position over the other. Apparently that’s all gone by the wayside.

The forced Bree-Angie catering partnership is like oil and water. Keith Olbermann and Bill O’Reilly.Wall Street versus Main Street. What other polar opposites could I invoke here? But I do like the combo, very much so. Great potential. I like this pairing more than the Katherine-Bree duo. That was two upscale, Stepford Wife, Type-A perfectionists put together. They were too similar and not sufficiently interesting.

It was satisfying, in a very juvenile kind of way, to see Susan, a high school mean girl get her just desserts, by way of a Fairview police detective whom Susan used to tease (Susan accidentally gave her the nickname “Moose” in high school) who was investigating whether Katherine strangled Julie (at Susan’s behest). After learning that Katherine had a solid alibi, the detective arrested Susan for accidentally shooting Katherine and not reporting the incident to the police.

The big surprise of the night was that Angie knew that Nick had had an affair with Julie. After saying that neither of them can go anywhere because of some big, as yet unnamed mystery, Angie slugged him in the face. “I’ve put you through a lot, so you get this one,” Angie said to Nick. “But that’s it.”

Best line of the episode occurred when Carlos offered to pay for a housekeeper so that Gabby could fully concentrate on homeschooling Juanita. Gabby wanted a tutor instead. “You’d rather scrub toilets than teach your daughter?” Carlos asked.

“Well at least the toilet won’t talk back,” Gabby said.

Do you think Bree and Angie make an interesting pair? Why do you think Gabby’s allowing Carlos to call all the shots?

Image credit: Ron Tom/ABC.

'Desperate' Monday: Don't Walk on the Grass

*Warning, spoilers ahead from the latest episode of Desperate Housewives.*

Gabby Solis – who didn’t realize the Soviet Union had broken up – as a homeschooling “bad mom?” That unbelievable situation was matched only by Tom Scavo answering to the moniker of “T-Scav,” Bree Van de Kamp Hodge contemplating marrying a lying philanderer, one Carl Mayer, and Katherine Mayfair is continuing to act like a psychopathic stalker who’s apparently trying to wrestle every woman on Wisteria Lane.

Gabby the Homeschooler

Why is everyone always saying that Gabby’s a bad mother? Why is this a running thread, a joke carried over several episodes? What, seriously, is wrong with Gabby’s parenting? I want some specifics here people.

Sure, she swears sometimes, but so does her husband. (If swearing makes you a bad parent, then I’m in big trouble.) She can be impatient, as can her husband. (Ditto with me and a lack of patience.) She might be a little liberal with letting her kids play on their own around the house and get into mischief – like last week’s sledding down the stairs incident – but that just means she’s got a “Free-Range Kids” point of view on parenting and doesn’t think she should hover over her kids. Last week, when the man who promised to have a monkey perform at Juanita’s birthday party tried to renege on his agreement to play the party, Gabby didn’t want her daughter disappointed so she insisted that the monkey perform even though his owner said the animal was tired. Is that Gabby’s fault that the monkey went nutty on the clown, or is the monkey’s handler’s fault? The world, apparently, is blaming the mom on this one.

Yet the theme “Gabby’s a bad parent” is omnipresent, including in the latest episode where, when 7-year-old Juanita couldn’t pronounce the word “persecuted” during her elementary school’s Thanksgiving play and the girl then dropped the f-bomb while on stage. From the dictator principal’s point of view, the onus for Juanita’s use of blue language fell squarely onto Gabby’s shoulders, not on BOTH Gabby and Carlos. “If you want to assign blame, you might want to look at your dubious parenting skills,” the principal said. In response, Gabby dropped some f-bombs of her own and said she was withdrawing Juanita from the school, hence her unwilling foray into the world of homeschoolers when she and Carlos learned all the area private schools had no openings until the next school year.

Now I’ll give you that Gabby’s not the sharpest knife in the drawer (“The Soviet Union broke up?”) and is ill prepared to homeschool her daughter -- plus she shouldn’t be seeking affirmation of the quality of her parenting skills from her 7-year-old -- but she’s not a BAD mother. Jeez.

T-Scav’s On the Case . . . Or Not

Tom Scavo going by T-Scav, bringing home drunken puking college peeps, buying them kegs of beer and promising to get them pancakes following a “cut-throat game of beer pong?” Were these pieces of evidence pointing to a mid-life crisis? Nope, just a middle-aged man cutting corners in college (bribing the students who obtain the answers to the statistics exams) so he can get his degree and thrive in a new career to help support his growing family of soon-to-be six kids.

I’m kind of ambivalent about the whole Tom-is-cheating-in-statistics storyline, though I did take distinct umbrage to his likening Lynette not revealing her pregnancy to her boss to his cheating on exams. Lynette’s job is crucial to the family’s economic survival in a recession, which I suppose could be argued about Tom’s career. But Lynette’s situation isn’t comparable because pregnancy discrimination is a serious thing that happens to women, penalizes them for being pregnant when being pregnant isn't a bad, unethical thing, unlike knowingly cheating on tests when you've booted your studies.

Bree’s an Idiot

The facts: Carl Mayer cheated on his first wife, broke her heart, stole items he’d given her as meaningful gifts and later blamed her for “losing them,” urges his clients to break the law, openly ogles women’s breasts in front of his girlfriend, parks in handicapped parking spots without concern and re-gifted a supposedly cherished family heirloom with a lame line. So why in the world would Bree risk her friendship with Susan Mayer, risk her own heart with a proven cheater and thief and soil her reputation in Fairview? For good sex?

Please Knock It Off W/the Gal-on-Gal Tousles

Someone at Desperate Housewives must’ve received some kind of network memo that says, “Have more scantily clad chicks fighting. It’s great for ratings. The more cat fights, the better. Be sure to show cleavage.” Only such ugly cynicism could be behind the repeated scuffles between Katherine and other Wisteria Lane women: Fisticuffs which end with lingerie-clad Susan and Katherine wet and thrashing about in a bubble bath, Susan accidentally shooting Katherine in the arm while Katherine was wearing short shorts at the time and Katherine wrestling with Bree in a fully decorated wedding reception hall while they’re both wearing attractive dresses (which have been getting more and more revealing as the season has progressed).

Katherine’s become unhinged because the man she loves has returned to his ex-wife. She’s miserable. She’s angry. She’s heartbroken. WE GET IT. I had an inkling of hope that, like Katherine, the writers were going to finally “take the high road” and have Katherine be conniving and manipulative and smart about how she’s going exact her revenge on Susan and get Mike back. The whole you-should-have-me-over-for-brunch-so-I-don’t-sue-you bit was mildly amusing. But when she called Mike late at night, dressed in a nightie and sexed up her boudoir with candles, rose petals and champagne and then fought with Susan in the tub, I felt as though adolescent boys had started writing the scripts, trying to see how much humiliation with a twist of sex appeal they can create.

I’d love to hear your thoughts about “Don’t Walk on the Grass.” Do you think Gabby’s a “bad mom?” Is Bree being foolish? What do you think about Katherine impersonating a WWF wrestler?

Image credit: Ton Tom/ABC.

‘Desperate’ Monday: Everybody Ought to Have a Maid

*Warning, spoilers ahead from the latest episode of Desperate Housewives.*

“It is in our nature to judge those around us.”

In the opening scene of Desperate Housewives, we were handed the theme of the episode about our propensity to judge others yet not wanting to be judged ourselves. Gabby didn’t want her parenting judged by an overprotective helicopter mother. Bree didn’t want to be judged for having an affair by the housekeeping staff at a motel. Susan didn’t want to be judged by her neighbors as over-the-top jealous of Mike’s ex-fiancé Katherine's efforts to get him back. And Tom didn’t want to be judged by another guy for seeming to have no . . . walnuts.

I loved, just loved, the Gabby storyline this week about the virtues of good enough parenting versus smothering parenting. As Gabby poured herself a glass of red wine, she heard a thump followed by a yell. When she ran to the source of the sound, she found Juanita and her friend Rachel after they’d “sledded” down the carpeted stairs in an open suitcase. Gabby determined that the girls were fine just as Rachel’s mother entered the house, aghast that Gabby hadn’t been watching the girls’ every move so they’d never sustain so much as a scratch.

“You’re pretty cavalier given that your carelessness almost killed my daughter,” the mom said.

Gabby took the overreacting mother aside and told her she’d been a “wet blanket” since she quit smoking, to which the mother replied, “I think you’re a lousy mother.”

“Did you just say that to my face?” Gabby asked.

“Yes, and I’m afraid I won’t be bringing my daughter here anymore. The safety and well being of my child must come first.”

“Fine. Juanita only had Rachel over because she felt sorry for her,” Gabby said. “It was a pity playdate.”

The rest – the ostracization of Gabby by other mothers who were told their children aren’t safe at Gabby’s house, Gabby’s revenge by planning a killer birthday party that the kids begged their mothers to attend and the monkey-run-amok for which Gabby was blamed – wasn’t as funny as the first scene which opened the show and scored delightful points about hovering over one’s children.

What I irritated me somewhat about how this thread was concluded was, in the wake of the monkey-savaging-the-clown scene, Carlos said Gabby’s “negligence” had turned their daughters into self-sufficient, confident girls. Liked the point he made about raising strong children (as opposed to frightened and insecure ones) but not the part that labeled her as a bad mother for not keeping an unbroken eyelock on her kids.

Bree’s affair with Karl. *sigh* I just cannot get into this story, no matter how much I might want to, even when a wise member of the housekeeping staff offered herself up as a cautionary tale to Bree about the steep costs of infidelity. Karl is a snake. Susan is Bree’s friend and Susan’ll never forgive Bree for having an affair with Karl. And Bree knows this, therefore I’m having a hard time sympathizing or comprehending or caring much about Bree’s rationale for frequenting a cheap motel room -- which she called “our place” -- with the man who broke one of her good friend’s hearts.

Oh, and Susan shot Katherine. I want to take Katherine and shake her by both shoulders to put some sense back into her. This was a professional woman with culinary Bree-like skills and creativity, someone who had the courage to flee an abusive spouse and start a new life, and now she’s become completely unhinged by the fact that her fiancé went back to his first wife, the mother of their son, so much so that Katherin’s acting like a lunatic. One could understand deep disappointment, hurt feelings, humiliation, anger and the desire to get back at Mike and Susan for hurting her. But this has gone to crazy lengths, even by DH standards, watching Katherine unravel.

But to offset crazy Katherine, I was pleased to see the old Lynette and Tom resurface, even though they were only given minor face-time this week. Tom’s explanation to Karen McCluskey’s main squeeze Roy about why he allows Lynette to maintain the illusion that she calls all the shots in their home was that it makes her feel safe after growing up surrounded by insecurity and shouldering too much responsibility at too young an age. Sweet.

Do we care about the creepy Bolen family whose teenaged son gave Julie the gun which got into Susan’s hand and wound up being used to shoot Katherine? Or that Julie Mayer dumped the married Nick Bolen who has a son her age? Eh, not so much.

Your thoughts on “Everybody Ought to Have a Maid?”

Image credit: Danny Feld/ABC.

'Desperate' Mondays: Crime Doesn't Pay

The Desperate Housewives crew was back last night after a brief hiatus. The results were mixed.

The Scavos, once the highlight of my TV week, continue to disappoint. Sure Tom and Lynette had to close their family pizzeria amid a tanking economy and the scandal brought on by their no-good teenaged son who was accused of burning down his married lover's husband's nightclub. And now Tom is depressed. He's actually a cartoon character of depression, drinking beer while in his bathrobe, on the front lawn. It was left to Lynette to be pragmatic and take care of the family. Only, here's the thing: Why did Lynette spend so much time trying to get Tom a job when he clearly was in no position to handle the task? Why didn't she, a very experienced and well regarded professional, just get one herself a job and let Tom come to terms with the loss of the pizzeria?

The whole dinner at Bree's -- where Bree was trying to set Tom up to get a job with her PR guy who was looking for a new hire -- was preposterous, even by DH standards. Tom acted like a petulant child, pouting and carrying on, providing flip, clipped answers to a man who was trying to shove a lifeline into his hands. And Tom blew it, at a time when neither he nor his wife had a paying job. Lynette, seeing that Tom wasn't going for the job, made herself a viable alternative, tried to position herself for the post. Instead of continuing to sulk, Tom decided, "Well hey now! Can't have HER getting the job I don't want. Why don't I ruin her chance of getting this job too so we can both drink beer in the front yard while wearing our bathrobes?"

Lynette USED to be a strong character, so why the emphasis on babying Tom's fragile male ego? It was THEIR family business that ended, something for which Lynette sacrificed her high paying career. Why treat Tom like a hothouse flower who needs extra care and attention?

To later see Tom and Lynette laughing in their kitchen -- after Lynette told Bree's PR guy Tom had been fired and Tom said he hoped Lynette's cancer didn't flare up again while she were working for a new company -- that didn't resonate. Not at all. Sure, Tom and Lynette are screwed up, but for parents with four children to feed, clothe and house, this seemed ridiculous.

In other Wisteria Lane news . . . so Gabby did the right thing, demonstrated that she has a heart and chose to kind of come clean (actually she just refused to keep lying) about the fact that Carlos' boss was cheating on his pregnant wife, even if it did cost Carlos his six-figure job and hefty bonus. She's not the Grinch; we knew Gabby already had a heart. This was no big surprise. I want the paunchy, regular Gabby back, pretty please. She had more spunk. And no, I don't care if Carlos' boss' wife stuck a knife in the boss' back.

What DID I like about the recent episode? Surprisingly, I found Susan Mayer to be exceptionally gracious as her ex-husband moved in with Katherine Mayfair across the street from her, even if Susan did go rooting around Katherine's garage to prove that Katherine was a liar. I feel badly for Susan, not Katherine. Susan -- who'd been betrayed and humiliated by her first husband when he cheated on her -- lost her second husband's heart the moment they were involved in a fatal car accident which killed Dave Williams' wife and son (whose last names were Dash). Mike and Susan divorced because the guilt was too much. For Mike. Susan tried to save their relationship but he was unwilling to do so. Now Susan is the one who has to try to tiptoe around Katherine? I think not.

Which brings me to my last beef . . . Gabby and Susan kissing, as has been widely reported, as well as teased in the preview for next week's episode featuring the "I Kissed a Girl" excerpt, irritates me greatly. It's such a cheap and naked ratings ploy, no matter how it's written into the storyline. Desperate Housewives is consistently a top 10 show. They don't need a ploy.

Your thoughts on the recent Desperate Housewives' episode and the Susan-Gabby kiss they're heavily promoting?

Image credit: ABC.

'Desperate' Mondays . . . A Tad Late

President's Day. February school vacation + 3 kids at home making me crazy = The dog ate my homework. My bad on not getting this Desperate Housewives post up more promptly. But it's never too late to wax on at length about the Wisteria Lane gals . . .

Generally, I've been pleased with the last few episodes, now that the writers have dispensed with the Scavos-in-daytime-TVesque-peril-following-absurd-love-affair-and-faux-murder-accusations. It's been a relief to see that Lynette Scavo (Felicity Huffman) is starting to return to a quasi-likable character again, though she'd not quite there yet. I'm likewise happy to see that the writers have been effectively folding the current economic realities into the Housewives' stories. It lends an air of audience connectedness to some of the characters that had been woefully lacking, which explains why the dowdy Gabby Solis, frustrated by parenting two young girls, resonated much more with me than any other character during the season.

This past Sunday's fresh episode, "In a World Where the Kings are Employers," the grounded storyline trend continued when Susan Mayer had her first working mom conflict when her son was sick and both she and her ex-husband Mike Delfino, were supposed to work. They attempted to one-up each other over in order to figure out who'd stay home with the sick kid. Susan won out but Mike pawned the kid off on his girlfriend Katherine Mayfair. It was entertaining watching Susan trying to "compete" with Katherine over who's the best domestic engineer, a competition Susan could lose to even Edie Britt or Mrs. McCluskey's dead cat. The tension between Susan and Katherine this week was certainly more realistic than Susan's attempt to steal Katherine's fake pearl necklace last week.

The Gabby-Carlos storyline -- where Gabby blackmailed Carlos' boss into giving Carlos the company's only bonus in exchange for her not mentioning to the boss' pregnant wife that he was stepping out on her -- was mildly amusing. However I'm still in mourning for paunchy, poor Gabby. She had more kick. I would've invited that Gabby over for coffee.

*Spoiler alert!*

I'm sure many of you have heard about the impending departure of Nicollette Sheridan and her character Edie. Rumor has it that Edie will meet her demise at the hands of her nutty, mysterious husband Dave, who killed his therapist and covered the murder by setting fire to a bar many episodes back. (This was the fire Porter Scavo was accused of setting.) I like Dave Williams, played with verve by Neal McDonough. I hope the writers give Edie a decent send-off.

Are you saddened to hear that Edie will be leaving the show? Are you pleased with how season five has been playing out, or disappointed?

Image credit: ABC.