'Desperate' Monday: You Gotta Get a Gimmick

*Warning, spoilers ahead from the latest episode of Desperate Housewives.*

I’m still angry with Carlos and Gabby. Sorry. Can’t help it. A 60-inch plasma TV, paying Lynette a salary during the remainder of her pregnancy and for her six-week maternity leave, offering Lynette her job back and then allowing Tom to temporarily assume the post in her absence, none of it, in my opinion, takes the raging narcissists off the hook for their wretched, discriminatory behavior. You don’t treat a friend like that and push her growing family into possible financial ruin. It shouldn’t take that friend having to save your child’s life to suddenly make you see the light of how wrong you were and expect all the viewers to just forget about it with a shoulder shrug.

I know, I know, it's Desperate Housewives, what do I expect? But I guess I made the mistake of expecting a bit more . . . I can’t just switch off my irritation and just be okay with the Solises and sympathize with Gabby’s impoverished childhood and her estrangement from her Mexican heritage. I can’t make myself care about where Juanita goes to school and how many Latinas live (or don’t live) in her neighborhood.

This is one of the things that irritates me about Desperate Housewives. The writers’ll ratchet up all this tension and angst and then *poof* all of it is forgotten and we’re supposed to just move on. At least with the Bree-Orson situation they’re not just having the estranged couple simply get past Bree’s affair and Orson’s extortion in mere days, instead, they’re reverting back to their behavior from last season when Orson was punishing Bree for paying more attention to her flourishing career than to him by forcing her to stay up late and make him a pot roast.

Even the Lynette and Tom argument over what Lynette would/should do after she has the baby was retracing old terrain. The whole should-she-stay-home-or-shouldn’t-she debate has been done to death already. Seeing Tom come home, beaming, after a successful day of work while Lynette’s been at home doing something as exciting as peeing “twice in every bathroom in the house,” brought us smack dab back to the days when Lynette was miserable being an at-home mom who felt backed into a corner by her maternity and her husband.

The only moment of freshness was the Susan Mayer Delfino-strip club storyline where Susan pole danced to make a point, which I found amusing given that it was only last week that Susan was in a fat suit. The scene where Mike acknowledged Susan had a point about his frequenting strip clubs and he so adamantly didn’t want her to take her top off that he covered her with his jacket and swept her up in his arms a la An Officer and a Gentleman, was the most entertaining moment of the entire episode.

What do you think Housewives fans, can you forgive Carlos and Gabby? What did you think of the new episode, “You Gotta Get a Gimmick?”

Image credit: Ron Tom/ABC.

'Desperate' Mondays: If . . .

*Warning: Spoilers from the recent episode of Desperate Housewives ahead.*

After a Christmas hiatus, the ladies of Wisteria Lane were back as Mary Alice, the deceased narrator, reminded us viewers that, since the last time we’d seen the desperate housewives, there’d been a plane crash on this “quiet suburban street.” (Not so quiet really, as you might recall from my extensive review of the string of arsons, murders and attacks that have occurred there over the years, but let's not let the facts get in the way of an overhyped episode.)

And what befell the wives in this new installment? Lynette lost one of her unborn twins after she fell sharply to the ground as she pushed Celia Solis out of the way of an out-of-control crashing airplane, saving the 4-year-old’s life. While she saved the girl and regained the favor of her estranged friend Gabby, a surgical attempt to save one of Lynette’s twins – who doctors feared would be born disabled -- failed.

Meanwhile Gabby tried to convince herself that Celia’s life was spared because she is special and has talent, then allowed herself to imagine what would happen if she tried to force an unwilling Celia into acting. Susan lost her ex-husband Karl (daydreamed about what would've happened had she never divorced the philanderer) and Bree lost the man she hoped she’d marry once she divorced Orson, who we learned may or may not be permanently paralyzed.

While watching the back-with-a-bang episode, I felt like I was being strung along for a ride (like I felt with the shooting in the grocery store or the aftermath of the hurricane episode), as if it was merely filler, an excuse to put Teri Hatcher in a fat suit, have Eva Longoria go all Grey Gardens and allow Felicity Huffman to be a martyred mom who unwittingly served as an inspiration to the disabled son she’d never have. It was so contrived, particularly the Teri Hatcher fat suit scenes, all flash and no flesh to it, other than of the plastic variety.

And the whole mystery with Angie – that she’s on the run following a violent protest, decades ago, of which she was a participant and in which a police officer accidentally died, a kind of Weather Underground/anarchist/revolutionary plot twist – seemed, oh, what’s the word, lame? To be honest, I’ve never connected with her character, don’t, frankly, care what happens to her or any of the Bolens and that wretched character Nick.

All in all, the whole episode left me feeling distinctly unenthused about where the rest of the season is headed. You?

Image credit: ABC via the Los Angeles Times.

'Desperate' Monday: Would I Think of Suicide?

*Warning, spoilers ahead from the latest episode of Desperate Housewives.*

In short order, the Desperate Housewives’ writers have transformed the Solises into a remarkably unlikeable and wildly self-centered couple who’ve progressed not a bit since season one. Why on earth did they do this? Why did they take Gabby and Carlos -- whom they spent much of last year building into a warm, down-to-earth couple – go down this road?

Over the Thanksgiving holiday week, I had the chance to see a bit of last season’s Desperate Housewives episodes on TV in the days when Gabby and Carlos were actually human beings with blood running through their veins: Carlos was resisting going back to a high-pressured job. When he started working crazy hours and came home from work grumpy and tired all the time, Gabby had pleaded with him not to go back “there,” to the time when she was the bored housewife who was ignored by her calloused and uncaring husband who cared more about his business’ bottom line than his wife.

Given what happened last season, it's been painful to watch the jack ass they’ve made of Carlos this season, telling Lynette to take a Florida transfer or face termination, moving Lynette’s office to a teeny supply closet and giving her 48 hours of work to complete an assignment in less than 24 hours (insisting that Lynette miss her daughter’s Christmas play) knowing there was no way she could finish it within the timeframe, giving him the perfect excuse to fire her.

Then there was Gabby, who accused Lynette of “lying” about her pregnancy when, in fact, she simply didn’t inform her of the pregnancy . She believed Lynette should’ve put Carlos’ business and the Solises’ bottom line ahead of Lynette’s own family, her family’s bottom line and the lives of the twins she’s carrying. Though she made a soft pitch to Carlos to let up on Lynette a little, once she learned that Lynette was suing Carlos for discrimination, Gabby acted as though LYNETTE was the one who wounded the friendship.

Why did the writers make the Solises such bad guys? Who out there is actually going to be rooting for them now, as they've tortured Lynette, knowing full well she’s her growing family’s only breadwinner, and then fired her? I don’t see a way for the writers to make them empathetic parents again. I just want to see them pay. And suffer.

Then there’s the transformation of Katherine Mayfair into Glenn Close’s character from Fatal Attraction. All that’s been missing is a boiling bunny on the stove. After harassing Susan Mayer and making her life hell, Katherine has set her sights on Susan and Mike Delfino’s son MJ, filling his head with criticisms of his mother (whom Katherine told him was “a bad person” and “stole” Mike from Katherine). After being told in no uncertain terms by Mike to stay away from MJ, she took the Glenn Close step of picking MJ up from a birthday party. When Mike confronted Katherine, as she knew he would, she took a knife which Mike’d handled, and stabbed herself with it.

I keep waiting for her to say that she’s pregnant with Mike’s baby. If only MJ had a pet rabbit. Seriously, we've entered Sillyville now.

What do you think about the conversion of Carlos and Gabby into evil cardboard characters? About Katherine pulling a Fatal Attraction?

Image credit: Ron Tom/ABC.

'Desperate' Monday: The Coffee Cup

*Warning, spoilers ahead from the latest episode of Desperate Housewives.*

I was really, really ticked off after watching the latest Desperate Housewives episode, “The Coffee Cup.” Why? I couldn’t stop thinking about the treatment of Lynette Scavo by her so-called friends and neighbors Carlos and Gabby Solis because they learned that a working mother had the temerity to get pregnant and not terminate the pregnancy for their convenience. How selfish of Lynette, getting pregnant and not putting Carlos’ business deals first.

Lynette got pregnant – with twins no less – by accident, which, last time I checked, was not illegal and does not make you a horrendous employee, particularly when Lynette fully intended to go back to work after giving birth because she’s the only adult drawing a paycheck in her house, with her husband Tom re-living his college days.

Several weeks ago, Lynette was going to tell Carlos that she was pregnant, soon after she herself figured it out. But before she could tell him, Carlos started openly bragging to Lynette that he’d passed over another female employee for a promotion because she was pregnant. He – a man with two daughters cared for his at-home wife -- decided to give the promotion to Lynette. The new promotion would include a big pay bump, which Lynette, with her growing baby bump, desperately needed. Sure, Lynette could’ve come clean with Carlos anyway, given that he’d just admitted to discriminating against another employee because she’s pregnant and he’d have been put in a tenuous situation. But she didn’t. She needed the money.

During last night’s episode, Gabby found out that Lynette is four months pregnant. Did Gabby talk to her friend about the pregnancy and how Lynette and Tom feel about it? Even bother to learn that Lynette was unhappy at first with the news and contemplated ending the pregnancy?

Nope.

Instead, Gabby – the professional housewife who has no qualms about screwing with other people’s lives so she can spend her days shopping instead of home schooling -- stormed out of Lynette’s house, angry that Lynette “let Carlos down,” that Lynette wasn’t acting like a dedicated employee.

Carlos, in turn, morphed into the calloused piece of granite he was in season one: Telling Lynette she can either take the transfer he's offering her and move to Florida or quit, knowing full well she can’t take the transfer and that she's the only Scavo adult with a full-time job. This is how you treat a neighbor, as if Lynette planned the whole thing to screw Carlos over when, in reality, she was making arrangements to make sure Carlos would have adequate coverage for her three-month maternity leave, for which Carlos is required to give her by law?

Since last season, Desperate Housewives writers seemed interested in softening up Gabby and Carlos, bringing them down to earth, giving them feet of clay, turning Gabby into a “regular” mom and Carlos into a man who put his family ahead of other things, like opulent consumerism and cut-throat deal-making. (Remember when he wanted to work for a non-profit to help the blind? When he was an at-home dad? I liked that guy.)

Now the writers have entered a time-warp. The Solises are being portrayed as a heartless, selfish, craven jerks who care nothing for a family with whom they’ve been friends for years, acting as though Lynette’s pregnancy is something that was “done” to them, as if they have any say in the Scavos’ reproductive decisions.

I don’t know if there’s any turning back from this development, if indeed the writers have the Solis’ go forward with firing Lynette because she’s pregnant. It’s definitely ticked me off . . . more so than the incredibly lame story about Nick Bolen choking some nameless girl in a coffee shop and that he likely choked Julie Mayer. So don’t care about that.

Image credit: Ron Tom/ABC.

'Desperate' Monday: Careful the Things You Say

*Warning, spoilers ahead from the latest episode of Desperate Housewives.*

I’ll say this for the latest episode of Desperate Housewives, at least there was no Karl in it. That’s a plus.

I found this episode much more entertaining than other recent ones, with the exception of the whole who-strangled-Julie mystery, which I really could care less about.

Gabby’s homeschooling struggles with her ill-tempered child were well done, particularly when Gabby, who’d warned Juanita that if she didn’t study she’d wind up being a cleaning lady, willingly scrubbed floors so that her math PhD possessing housekeeper could tutor Juanita in fractions.

What I don’t understand is why Gabby’s had to go all I Love Lucy, doing stuff behind Carlos’ back and inevitably getting caught in spectacularly embarrassing fashion. Gabby can be very persuasive -- when she’s not whining -- so I don't understand why she’s agreeing to let Carlos control the purse strings. I thought that, especially in the wake of Carlos’ blindness and the time she spent caring for the family, that Gabby and Carlos decided to be partners and no longer have one spouse in a more senior position over the other. Apparently that’s all gone by the wayside.

The forced Bree-Angie catering partnership is like oil and water. Keith Olbermann and Bill O’Reilly.Wall Street versus Main Street. What other polar opposites could I invoke here? But I do like the combo, very much so. Great potential. I like this pairing more than the Katherine-Bree duo. That was two upscale, Stepford Wife, Type-A perfectionists put together. They were too similar and not sufficiently interesting.

It was satisfying, in a very juvenile kind of way, to see Susan, a high school mean girl get her just desserts, by way of a Fairview police detective whom Susan used to tease (Susan accidentally gave her the nickname “Moose” in high school) who was investigating whether Katherine strangled Julie (at Susan’s behest). After learning that Katherine had a solid alibi, the detective arrested Susan for accidentally shooting Katherine and not reporting the incident to the police.

The big surprise of the night was that Angie knew that Nick had had an affair with Julie. After saying that neither of them can go anywhere because of some big, as yet unnamed mystery, Angie slugged him in the face. “I’ve put you through a lot, so you get this one,” Angie said to Nick. “But that’s it.”

Best line of the episode occurred when Carlos offered to pay for a housekeeper so that Gabby could fully concentrate on homeschooling Juanita. Gabby wanted a tutor instead. “You’d rather scrub toilets than teach your daughter?” Carlos asked.

“Well at least the toilet won’t talk back,” Gabby said.

Do you think Bree and Angie make an interesting pair? Why do you think Gabby’s allowing Carlos to call all the shots?

Image credit: Ron Tom/ABC.

'Desperate' Monday: Don't Walk on the Grass

*Warning, spoilers ahead from the latest episode of Desperate Housewives.*

Gabby Solis – who didn’t realize the Soviet Union had broken up – as a homeschooling “bad mom?” That unbelievable situation was matched only by Tom Scavo answering to the moniker of “T-Scav,” Bree Van de Kamp Hodge contemplating marrying a lying philanderer, one Carl Mayer, and Katherine Mayfair is continuing to act like a psychopathic stalker who’s apparently trying to wrestle every woman on Wisteria Lane.

Gabby the Homeschooler

Why is everyone always saying that Gabby’s a bad mother? Why is this a running thread, a joke carried over several episodes? What, seriously, is wrong with Gabby’s parenting? I want some specifics here people.

Sure, she swears sometimes, but so does her husband. (If swearing makes you a bad parent, then I’m in big trouble.) She can be impatient, as can her husband. (Ditto with me and a lack of patience.) She might be a little liberal with letting her kids play on their own around the house and get into mischief – like last week’s sledding down the stairs incident – but that just means she’s got a “Free-Range Kids” point of view on parenting and doesn’t think she should hover over her kids. Last week, when the man who promised to have a monkey perform at Juanita’s birthday party tried to renege on his agreement to play the party, Gabby didn’t want her daughter disappointed so she insisted that the monkey perform even though his owner said the animal was tired. Is that Gabby’s fault that the monkey went nutty on the clown, or is the monkey’s handler’s fault? The world, apparently, is blaming the mom on this one.

Yet the theme “Gabby’s a bad parent” is omnipresent, including in the latest episode where, when 7-year-old Juanita couldn’t pronounce the word “persecuted” during her elementary school’s Thanksgiving play and the girl then dropped the f-bomb while on stage. From the dictator principal’s point of view, the onus for Juanita’s use of blue language fell squarely onto Gabby’s shoulders, not on BOTH Gabby and Carlos. “If you want to assign blame, you might want to look at your dubious parenting skills,” the principal said. In response, Gabby dropped some f-bombs of her own and said she was withdrawing Juanita from the school, hence her unwilling foray into the world of homeschoolers when she and Carlos learned all the area private schools had no openings until the next school year.

Now I’ll give you that Gabby’s not the sharpest knife in the drawer (“The Soviet Union broke up?”) and is ill prepared to homeschool her daughter -- plus she shouldn’t be seeking affirmation of the quality of her parenting skills from her 7-year-old -- but she’s not a BAD mother. Jeez.

T-Scav’s On the Case . . . Or Not

Tom Scavo going by T-Scav, bringing home drunken puking college peeps, buying them kegs of beer and promising to get them pancakes following a “cut-throat game of beer pong?” Were these pieces of evidence pointing to a mid-life crisis? Nope, just a middle-aged man cutting corners in college (bribing the students who obtain the answers to the statistics exams) so he can get his degree and thrive in a new career to help support his growing family of soon-to-be six kids.

I’m kind of ambivalent about the whole Tom-is-cheating-in-statistics storyline, though I did take distinct umbrage to his likening Lynette not revealing her pregnancy to her boss to his cheating on exams. Lynette’s job is crucial to the family’s economic survival in a recession, which I suppose could be argued about Tom’s career. But Lynette’s situation isn’t comparable because pregnancy discrimination is a serious thing that happens to women, penalizes them for being pregnant when being pregnant isn't a bad, unethical thing, unlike knowingly cheating on tests when you've booted your studies.

Bree’s an Idiot

The facts: Carl Mayer cheated on his first wife, broke her heart, stole items he’d given her as meaningful gifts and later blamed her for “losing them,” urges his clients to break the law, openly ogles women’s breasts in front of his girlfriend, parks in handicapped parking spots without concern and re-gifted a supposedly cherished family heirloom with a lame line. So why in the world would Bree risk her friendship with Susan Mayer, risk her own heart with a proven cheater and thief and soil her reputation in Fairview? For good sex?

Please Knock It Off W/the Gal-on-Gal Tousles

Someone at Desperate Housewives must’ve received some kind of network memo that says, “Have more scantily clad chicks fighting. It’s great for ratings. The more cat fights, the better. Be sure to show cleavage.” Only such ugly cynicism could be behind the repeated scuffles between Katherine and other Wisteria Lane women: Fisticuffs which end with lingerie-clad Susan and Katherine wet and thrashing about in a bubble bath, Susan accidentally shooting Katherine in the arm while Katherine was wearing short shorts at the time and Katherine wrestling with Bree in a fully decorated wedding reception hall while they’re both wearing attractive dresses (which have been getting more and more revealing as the season has progressed).

Katherine’s become unhinged because the man she loves has returned to his ex-wife. She’s miserable. She’s angry. She’s heartbroken. WE GET IT. I had an inkling of hope that, like Katherine, the writers were going to finally “take the high road” and have Katherine be conniving and manipulative and smart about how she’s going exact her revenge on Susan and get Mike back. The whole you-should-have-me-over-for-brunch-so-I-don’t-sue-you bit was mildly amusing. But when she called Mike late at night, dressed in a nightie and sexed up her boudoir with candles, rose petals and champagne and then fought with Susan in the tub, I felt as though adolescent boys had started writing the scripts, trying to see how much humiliation with a twist of sex appeal they can create.

I’d love to hear your thoughts about “Don’t Walk on the Grass.” Do you think Gabby’s a “bad mom?” Is Bree being foolish? What do you think about Katherine impersonating a WWF wrestler?

Image credit: Ton Tom/ABC.

‘Desperate’ Monday: Everybody Ought to Have a Maid

*Warning, spoilers ahead from the latest episode of Desperate Housewives.*

“It is in our nature to judge those around us.”

In the opening scene of Desperate Housewives, we were handed the theme of the episode about our propensity to judge others yet not wanting to be judged ourselves. Gabby didn’t want her parenting judged by an overprotective helicopter mother. Bree didn’t want to be judged for having an affair by the housekeeping staff at a motel. Susan didn’t want to be judged by her neighbors as over-the-top jealous of Mike’s ex-fiancé Katherine's efforts to get him back. And Tom didn’t want to be judged by another guy for seeming to have no . . . walnuts.

I loved, just loved, the Gabby storyline this week about the virtues of good enough parenting versus smothering parenting. As Gabby poured herself a glass of red wine, she heard a thump followed by a yell. When she ran to the source of the sound, she found Juanita and her friend Rachel after they’d “sledded” down the carpeted stairs in an open suitcase. Gabby determined that the girls were fine just as Rachel’s mother entered the house, aghast that Gabby hadn’t been watching the girls’ every move so they’d never sustain so much as a scratch.

“You’re pretty cavalier given that your carelessness almost killed my daughter,” the mom said.

Gabby took the overreacting mother aside and told her she’d been a “wet blanket” since she quit smoking, to which the mother replied, “I think you’re a lousy mother.”

“Did you just say that to my face?” Gabby asked.

“Yes, and I’m afraid I won’t be bringing my daughter here anymore. The safety and well being of my child must come first.”

“Fine. Juanita only had Rachel over because she felt sorry for her,” Gabby said. “It was a pity playdate.”

The rest – the ostracization of Gabby by other mothers who were told their children aren’t safe at Gabby’s house, Gabby’s revenge by planning a killer birthday party that the kids begged their mothers to attend and the monkey-run-amok for which Gabby was blamed – wasn’t as funny as the first scene which opened the show and scored delightful points about hovering over one’s children.

What I irritated me somewhat about how this thread was concluded was, in the wake of the monkey-savaging-the-clown scene, Carlos said Gabby’s “negligence” had turned their daughters into self-sufficient, confident girls. Liked the point he made about raising strong children (as opposed to frightened and insecure ones) but not the part that labeled her as a bad mother for not keeping an unbroken eyelock on her kids.

Bree’s affair with Karl. *sigh* I just cannot get into this story, no matter how much I might want to, even when a wise member of the housekeeping staff offered herself up as a cautionary tale to Bree about the steep costs of infidelity. Karl is a snake. Susan is Bree’s friend and Susan’ll never forgive Bree for having an affair with Karl. And Bree knows this, therefore I’m having a hard time sympathizing or comprehending or caring much about Bree’s rationale for frequenting a cheap motel room -- which she called “our place” -- with the man who broke one of her good friend’s hearts.

Oh, and Susan shot Katherine. I want to take Katherine and shake her by both shoulders to put some sense back into her. This was a professional woman with culinary Bree-like skills and creativity, someone who had the courage to flee an abusive spouse and start a new life, and now she’s become completely unhinged by the fact that her fiancé went back to his first wife, the mother of their son, so much so that Katherin’s acting like a lunatic. One could understand deep disappointment, hurt feelings, humiliation, anger and the desire to get back at Mike and Susan for hurting her. But this has gone to crazy lengths, even by DH standards, watching Katherine unravel.

But to offset crazy Katherine, I was pleased to see the old Lynette and Tom resurface, even though they were only given minor face-time this week. Tom’s explanation to Karen McCluskey’s main squeeze Roy about why he allows Lynette to maintain the illusion that she calls all the shots in their home was that it makes her feel safe after growing up surrounded by insecurity and shouldering too much responsibility at too young an age. Sweet.

Do we care about the creepy Bolen family whose teenaged son gave Julie the gun which got into Susan’s hand and wound up being used to shoot Katherine? Or that Julie Mayer dumped the married Nick Bolen who has a son her age? Eh, not so much.

Your thoughts on “Everybody Ought to Have a Maid?”

Image credit: Danny Feld/ABC.

'Desperate' Monday: The God-Why-Don't-You-Love-Me Blues

*Warning, spoilers ahead from the latest episode of Desperate Housewives.*

Okay, what have they done with the Carlos Solis character which the show carefully cultivated over the past few seasons, the one who was caring andloving, a full-fledged human, not a stock character from Mad Men’s Sterling Cooper? The one who became worthy of the love and devotion of his wife and two daughters, the one who wanted to work for the blind and didn’t care about money until Gabby forced him into taking a six-figure job? He’s now an unrecognizable sexist meathead who’s not only willing to pass over a talented woman for a promotion because she’s pregnant (Remember the days when children and family were important to Carlos? When he was actively trying to knock Gabby up?), openly tell Lynette about how he didn’t want to promote a pregnant woman, then use what he perceives as Lynette’s surgically enhanced breasts to seal a business deal.

The guy who last season wanted to devote his life to the basics of love and family, is now uttering such lines as, “Why did you get those things if you don’t want people looking at them?”

He even told Lynette to buy a dress that would reveal her cleavage to two men with whom he’d arranged dinner, and then encouraged her to take off her coat. When Lynette said it was too chilly in the room to remove her jacket, Carlos then, unbelievably told HIS EMPLOYEE that it’d be even better for their chances of securing the deal if it was cold when Lynette revealed her boobs.

I now HATE Carlos (as I’m supposed to, I guess). And that pains me because I didn’t hate him last season. Now he’s a Neanderthal again and the inconsistency of all of this is driving me crazy.


Of course the storyline is building up for the big reveal, when Carlos finds out Lynette’s pregnant with twins. What will happen? Will he fire Lynette? Demote her? Will she then sue for gender discrimination? How low will they have Carlos go?

That’s what made the scenes with Gabby and John, then later with Gabby and Carlos (when she told him that while she’d never imagine this would be her life, she loves it, unlike Betty Draper) lose their power. The writers can’t have it both ways, that Carlos is a sweet, doting family man on the one hand, and on the other, he’s a sexist pig who’s wildly discriminating against women and making them use their breasts to land business deals . . . not after turning him into a kind, down-to-earth character last year. I, frankly, was unmoved by Gabby’s declaration of love for Carlos knowing that Carlos had just pimped out Lynette’s breasts. Carlos is not Don Draper, with whom viewers can have a love/hate relationship.

The big twist of the episode, of course, was that Julie Mayer woke up from her coma (She was only in a coma for five days? Boy did that seem longer!) only to discover that her mother Susan knows that she dropped out of med school six months ago, now works as a waitress and is/was dating a married man whose first name started with the initial “D” whose baby Julie had been worried she was carrying, though she’s not pregnant. Then, at the end, we learned that Nick Bolen’s real name is Dominic and that he was/is Julie’s lover. Even though I really hate the Bolen family, especially the Danny subplot (I could care less about him), mixing it up with an apparently loon like Angie could be provocative to say the least. Maybe Angie and Katherine could team up to rumble with the Mayer women. Sounds like something Desperate Housewives writers might consider for sweeps week.

Speaking of provocative . . . I found Susan’s line to Julie when she expressed her shock that Julie, of all people, would have an affair with a married man who has a family, poignant, “You know what an affair like this can do. You saw it firsthand.”


What did you think of this episode? What do you think of the Carlos-Lynette work situation?

Image credit: Ron Tom/ABC.

'Desperate' Tuesday: Never Judge a Lady by Her Lover

*Warning: Spoilers ahead from the recent episode of Desperate Housewives.*


This episode began with a voice-over saying, “There’s a certain kind of woman you see in the suburbs.” Then a series of unflattering portrait of suburban women was unleashed: The mom who waits with her kid for the school bus while still wearing her bathrobe and clutching a mug of coffee. The mom who’s clutching the baby carrier while running to the post office with curlers still in her hair. Another one unloading groceries from the grocery store – as her kids were dashing into the house -- while wearing sweats and a T-shirt. “This woman is a housewife. . . She will try to look beautiful if she has someone to look beautiful for.”

Then they went to a shot of Gabby with her hair haphazardly pinned on the back of her head while she was eating out a restaurant with her family, including her two young kids, one of whom had just hurled food at her. Only Gabby hasn’t resembled said description of a “housewife” -- who looks like the rest of us mere moral suburban moms -- since early last season before Carlos regained his sight, back when Carlos was a humanitarian who wanted to work for little to no money, only Gabby pressured him into accepting a cut-throat, overtime working, six-figure job.

Since the middle of last season, Gabby has been back to her svelteness and her couture, regardless of the shot of her messy up-do, and Carlos has been back to being the ruthless businessman he was when Desperate Housewives started years ago. Gabby’s going to be jealous of her former gardener lover’s interest in her hot niece and Carlos is discriminating against a pregnant woman by offering Lynette a major promotion while openly telling her that he didn’t pick the other candidate because she’s pregnant, of course laying the groundwork for a discrimination suit should he try to take away that promotion from Lynette once he learns she’s pregnant, with twins no less.


The shift backwards in Carlos’ and Gabby’s characters have annoyed me since last season just when I was actually starting to cotton to Gabby and was loathing what had happened to Lynette’s character, who was a mere shadow of the greatness she’d been during that same freshman season. Now it’s as if they’ve swapped places. Lynette’s back to season one goodness and Gabby and Carlos are back to being shallow, heartless folk. What a shame, just as I was starting to like Gabby too.

As for the Susan-as-the-outraged-mother story -- where she spread erronenous rumors that her new neighbors’ son Danny choked Julie and then attacked Danny by nearly crushing him with a car as she tried to get him to admit his guilt -- I’m at least glad that the writers didn’t tie up the who-strangled-Julie mystery in a neat, little bow. So Danny didn’t do it, but obviously someone in the creepy Bolen family did . . . something. Now there are two mysteries: Who hurt Julie and what the Bolen family is hiding. And you know what, I don’t care about either one of them. Give me actual character development with sharp suburban satire instead of hollow plot advancers and I’ll be happy.

A genuinely amusing moment from the episode, was the Scavo kids’ reaction to Lynette’s announcement that she’s pregnant:


“Aren’t you going to be like the world’s oldest moms?”

“It’s so gross that you’re still doing it.”

What’d you think of “Never Judge a Lady by Her Lover?”

Image credit: ABC.

'Desperate' Mondays: Being Alive

*Warning: Spoilers ahead from the recent episode of Desperate Housewives.*

Choking Julie

Okay, so the mystery surrounding Julie Mayer is somewhat interesting. We’re all made to think that the creepy new kid Danny strangled her because we saw the two of them arguing a few scenes before Julie was strangled and because he lied regarding his whereabouts. The mysterious new family from New York has a bad boy son who chokes you if you tick him off? This is Desperate Housewives. It can’t be THAT easy to figure it out, can it? If it is that easy and Danny's the one who strangled Julie, then the writers have definitely lost their touch.

To check for clues about who the assailant might be, I watched the scene where Julie was strangled in super-slow motion, to see if, perhaps, it was the spurned Katherine who might’ve done it to get back at Susan for marrying Mike. But going by the body type, clothing, shoes, etc. the perpetrator looks like a male, someone who’s able to lift her off the ground while strangling her.

The out-of-the-blue curve ball news that Julie was worried that she might be pregnant with the baby of someone Susan had never heard, well that stirred the pot. Obviously it's meant to have us viewers speculate about what else Susan doesn't know about her daughter's life. As to whether Julie saw Bree and Carl kissing during the few seconds of consciousness Julie had in this episode, I could really give a hoot about that. That so-called “hot” storyline about Bree stepping out with Carl is now leaving me cold. After last week when Bree bought new sheets to put on the hotel bed so she could be assured of committing infidelity while on fine, clean linens was funny, but the affair stuff has quickly gone downhill from there.

Power Grab


I can’t decide whether I like or hate the Gabby/Ana power struggle, with Ana lying and sneaking around, pushing all of Gabby’s buttons so Gabby will respond by laying down the law and imposing house arrest. But I do know that I’m no fan of this new character, who seems as though she accidentally set foot on ABC’s Wisteria Lane set instead of a CW set someplace. She looks like she belongs on another teen drama, not one about fortysomething suburban women.

Plus, the Gabby/Ana storyline is sucking all the oxygen out of the Solis household. With Ana in the picture, suddenly Gabby and Carlos’ daughters are, for all intents and purposes, AWOL. It’s very likely that they’d be acting out if there was another child in the house hogging all their mom’s attention.

Quietly Pondering Abortion?

Lynette has continued to be unhappy that she’s pregnant with twins, so much so, that she was toying with aborting the babies, despite the fact that Tom is over the moon that they’re going to have six kids. (Ever notice we never heard about Kayla anymore, Tom’s kid with the now-dead lover? What’s with all these missing kids? Shoved aside when they no longer advance plot points, apparently.) Lynette didn't actually use the words "abortion" or "termination," but she did tell Susan that she had a little voice inside her saying, “Maybe I shouldn’t” have the babies.

Susan, in the end, persuaded Lynette to keep the babies by saying: “Everybody talks about a kid being a gift . . .  but they are a gift Lynette. I know that because I spent the last few hours thinking I was gonna lose mine. I realized that I would trade everything I own, I would give everything I will have for just one more day as Julie’s mom. But I’m not telling you what you should do.”


“Actually, you are,” Lynette said. “And I’m glad you did.”

What did you think of “Being Alive?” Any thoughts on the identity of Julie’s assailant?

Image credit: ABC.

'Desperate' Mondays: Nice is Different Than Good

* Warning: Spoilers ahead from the recent episode of Desperate Housewives.*

Welcome back Lynette Scavo. I really missed ya. After several lackluster seasons which took a once, razor-sharp send-up of suburban motherhood in the person of Lynette Scavo (Felicity Huffman) and made her a silly, grating joke, the Lynette from Desperate Housewives’ first, award-winning season is back . . . or at least she made an appearance in the sixth season premiere.


Pregnant with twins with four kids already at home, fortysomething ad exec Lynette is distinctly ambivalent about the pregnancy. When she was getting her ultrasound – for which her husband Tom took the day off from his university classes to attend (he's going back to school) – she could’ve cared less about seeing the grainy gray and white images of her unborn babies on the screen. “When are you going to start getting excited about our kids?” Tom asked, incredulous about her disinterest.

“I don’t love them,” she said, looking ashen as she confessed that she didn’t feel this way when she got pregnant with her other children, all by accident. “None of them were planned, but I loved each of our kids the moment I knew they were coming. It’s different this time. I don’t love these babies.”

“Stop saying that!” Tom said. “When you hold them in your arms, you will care about these kids just as much as the others.”

Having a lead character be so blasé and indifferent about her pregnancy, to admit that she’s concerned that she isn’t feeling the love, is brave and risky. “Do you realize that when these twins finish high school, I’ll be in my 60s?” she said, lamenting the fact that they’d already gotten past all the sleepless nights and diapers and she didn’t want to go back “. . . At their graduation I’ll be a crazy old lady with oatmeal on her chin.”


In addition to Lynette tapping into something that’s usually not discussed without fearing being tarred and feathered for being an unfit, undeserving mother, the season premiere gave us the return of the quick-witted Lynette, particularly when she let the happy, shiny first-time mom-to-be in the ob-gyn's office hear some ugly truths about motherhood that she said mothers are reluctant to share with one another: “Your children will hate you and steal from your purse. Your husband will begin to buy your birthday presents at the car wash, and the kicker, for the rest of your life there will be so many moments when you’ll feel lonely but you’ll never be alone.”

She held up the cover of a magazine with a woman in a bathing suit. “You see this? You’ll never wear a bikini again,” Lynette said, adding that while she might look good with her clothes on, “you haven’t seen me naked. My stomach looks like Spanish stucco. And my breasts resemble two balloons you’d find behind the couch a week after the party.” As if on cue, the young mom-to-be wept.

'Desperate' Mondays: Season Finale

* Warning, spoilers from the Desperate Housewives season finale ahead. *

Three plot twists stood out among the pack in the DH finale:

1. Susan, Mike, MJ & the murderous Dave . . . plus Delfino nuptials.

If Mike Delfino married anyone OTHER than Susan Mayer -- two months after attempting to heroically save her and their son from the homicidal nutcase Dave Williams/Dash -- then I would be surprised, shocked even, which would be nice, but not in a Grey's Anatomy shocked kind of way. (I'll rant about GA's manipulative finale in a separate post.)

But let's face it, if Mike married someone else -- two months after planning to hop a plane to Vegas to marry Katherine Mayfair -- then the writers will have a lotta 'splainin' to do. I'd be hard pressed to come up with a plausible scenario for Mike marrying anyone who isn't Susan. They've already jerked this couple around enough since season one. Last year's season finale took the new mom Susan, who was happily married to Mike, and flashed forward five years to show Susan kissing another man. During the summer before this fifth season began, everyone speculated about what that scene meant, only to learn that Susan and Mike had divorced in the wake of a traumatic car accident which left a mom and her young child dead.

To have Mike not marry Susan this time around, after all the nonsense with Edie in season three then putting them together and breaking them apart for the second time, would be absurd, particularly because the writers have made it clear that they still love one another and, had it not been for that accident, they'd still be together. Dave remarked that bringing Mike, Susan and MJ to the location where his wife and child died would be poetic. And it truly was if the writers used it -- the location of the incident that ultimately separated Mike and Susan -- to bring the couple back together and make the family whole again.

As for Katherine, well, she's just poor, pathetic Katherine sitting alone in the airport clutching two coffees and looking bewildered, someone who I wished had been more confident in her own value, intellect, success and attractiveness. If she was so afraid that the man who moved in with her and proposed marriage didn't really love her, that she needed to keep him away from his ex-wife lest he flee into his ex's arms, then she already knew, deep down inside, that he was not the right man for her. Hopefully Katherine will be given something more useful to do in season six other than moping around and making moony eyes.

2. Lynette is pregnant with babies five and six just as Tom's getting ready to go back to school to learn Mandarin Chinese.

I was pleasantly surprised to see that Tom Scavo found something about which to be excited, other than his bad garage band or his mid-life crisis mobile that he had to sell. Going back to college was a great idea, and it was completely in character how Lynette responded to his initially ambiguous plan. "Okay," I thought, "they're onto something with the Scavos here. 'Bout time."

Then came news of Lynette's twins pregnancy. Are the writers seeking to reboot the Scavos' story, to move the family back to square one from the first season, and if so, will they have learned anything about balancing work and family? I could be on board with an "oops" pregnancy as long as it's not simply a rehash of previously trod territory.

3. The Solises take in Carlos' teenaged niece, in a story that feels like we've previously seen on DH.

Of the big developments in the finale, this one seemed odd. Haven't we already seen this storyline before, albeit with slightly different twists? This reminded me of the fall-out after Tom's eldest daughter Kayla (conceived pre-Lynette with a former gal pal of Tom's) needed to be taken in after her loony mother Nora was killed. The scheming daughter came between Lynette and Tom, manipulated Lynette to get what she wanted, goaded her and pouted in front of Tom until Lynette became so wild with frustration that she convinced Tom that, for the sake of their family, Kayla had to be sent away. After Kayla called child care workers on Lynette, Tom agreed.

Is that what they have in mind for the Solises? Having Carlos' niece Anna goad Gabby and manipulate people into getting her way until Gabby says that, for the sake of the Solis family, Carlos has to send Anna to live with another relative? Anna seems like simply an older version of Kayla, only she's learned how to use her sex appeal to get boys to do her bidding and give her designer duds. She also knows how to make Gabby crazy.

This can go nowhere good. And I must say, I'm not a fan of the girl-as-manipulator storyline being repeated. It also will do nothing positive for Gabby's character, who's at her most unlikeable when she locks horns with another female regarding control over a man, in this case, Carlos.

(I've decided against addressing the Bree Van de Kamp Hodge/Orson Hodge story because I think it's silly.)

Overall, I did like this Desperate Housewives finale. I genuinely wondered whether they'd go so far as to have Dave kill MJ (which would've been really brutal) or harm Susan. Flashing forward two months to show Mike marrying a thickly veiled woman without revealing her face was a clever move, even if it simply cannot be anyone other than Susan.

Your thoughts on the finale? Did it meet your expectations?

Image credit: ABC.

'Desperate' Mondays: Marry Me a Little

This was a much better Desperate Housewives episode than the recent lot of 'em, the ridiculousness of Bree breaking into her own home with Karl the snake notwithstanding.

The whole Tom Scavo STILL having a mid-life crisis story this week featured a new, interesting twist by having him, a man, worry about how his middle-aged looks would affect his potential employment opportunities. (That whole bit about Tom not knowing what Twitter was said more about Tom's connectedness with new marketing tools than the lines on his face.) The twist afforded us the chance to enjoy that great late night kitchen scene where Lynette tenderly traced the wrinkles on Tom's face and said they each told a story from their marriage, that his face was a map of their lives together. It brought a tear to my eye, even though I, like Lynette, wouldn't want someone to use my face to tell my life's story.

I also appreciated the Gabby story which contrasted her spending gobs of money on a crystal vase and pricey fabrics, with the fact that a friend of hers, who used to serve food on Tiffany china, was now in a soup line after she lost everything to pay for her dead husband's medical bills. (Gabby didn't even know the woman's husband had died.) It was the first time in a while that Gabby has mentioned or acknowledged that, not too long ago, she was doing whatever she could to keep her house and take care of her family, something the show's writers seem fond of ignoring. I'd love to see this angle pursued with more vigor, with Gabby's classic sardonic comments of course. Totally unrelated: What's up with her non-speaking younger daughter? We only ever hear about Juanita.

Those two bright spots outshone the dim ones, the aforementioned Bree-Orson situation and the now tiresome Dave Williams-is-out-for-evil-revenge story which promises to come its apex during the season finale on Sunday. (*fingers crossed*) I'm not sure where I sit on the Susan-Mike-Katherine love triangle front. I could take it or leave it.

As for the season finale, here's what I'm hoping for: Something resembling a decent plotline for the Scavos (kind of like a parting gift for the crappy season the actors have been given), Dave to depart Wisteria Lane (preferably in a straight jacket), Bree to just have Orson seen by a psychologist and for the Solises to resemble a family again.

Image credit: ABC.

'Desperate' Mondays: Bargaining

Let's get right to the point with this Desperate Housewives' wrap-up/review, shall we?

Likes:

-- The writers put a clever twist on the Susan-Mayer-gets-back-together-with-her-ex-painter-boyfriend. Jackson appeared in Fairview with no advanced warning after the two broke up months ago. The two had dinner at Susan's. Jackson abruptly asked Susan to marry him. She cut him off mid-sentence and fled to another room where, through a closed door, she proclaimed her unrequited love for him. Chagrined by her overly emotional response, Jackson told her, through the same closed door, that he was only looking to marry her so he won't be deported to Canada. He needed a green card. That made me laugh, for the first time in many a recent DH eppy. I was NOT expecting this. It has comedic potential, having Susan be thrice-wed.

-- Liked the Juanita/make-up storyline. I've been waiting for the writers to dive back into this subject matter, given that Gabby used to be a model and to her, appearance is of paramount importance.

After Carlos was blinded and he and Gabby had two kids, Gabby dropped her superficiality and focused on living a well rounded life. She didn't obsess over her looks and even willfully ignored the fact that her two daughters were a bit on the heavy side.

However -- as I've lamented many times here -- ever since Carlos regained his eyesight and landed a six-figure job, Gabby has returned to original form and forgotten that those hard days existed. She blew off her daughters' potential body and beauty issues, particularly given the fact that Gabby returned to the glam.

-- The sex-for-30-consecutive-days bit with Lynette and Tom Scavo was amusing at first. Those books about married couples having sex every day for a whole year really irk me. They don't take into consideration sickness and the unpredictable messiness of life. And that's what the writers were taking on here: The backlash against those who proclaimed that sex every day would rejuvenate a marriage. Having Lynette tell the Wisteria Lane gals that she'd return to their card game in the kitchen quickly -- because it wouldn't take long to satiate Tom, who was urging her to end the card game so they could get busy -- did elicit a chuckle.

The storyline moved into uncomfortable territory, however, when: a) It appeared as though an insistent and increasingly irrational Tom was considering having sex with an exhausted Lynette after she fell asleep, and 2) He appeared at Lynette's office one night when she had to work late and said they had to have relations on her desk during a conference call while Carlos was at an off-site meeting. Those scenes weren't funny. They were icky. And distinctly unsexy. Perhaps that's what they were going for, how having sex for consecutive days regardless of mood just because you made some agreement ISN'T sexy. If so, then they succeeded.

Dislikes:

-- Dave Williams WAS an intriguing, angry, potentially sinister dude. Liked the way Neil McDonough played him at first. Now? Don't care. Don't care how he's plotting to get back at Susan and her second ex-husband Mike Delfino and possibly their son MJ.

-- Have also lost interest in Bree Van de Kamp Hodge getting angry and wanting to divorce creepy thieving ex-con Orson. The fact that she turned to Susan's first ex-husband, the cheating, untrustworthy Karl to be her divorce lawyer (and the previews for next week show them BREAKING INTO a house while clad in all black), is just silly. Why?

-- Katherine putting MJ up to interrogating Mike during breakfast about whether he'll ever pop the question was so very desperate and sad. When Katherine first appeared as a show regular, she was so confident, showing Bree up with her perfect pies. Now Katherine is a shadow of her former self. That's too bad.

Well, DH fans, what did you think? What are you hoping to see in the season finale?

Image credit: ABC.

'Desperate' Mondays: Rose's Turn

Maybe it's because I was spoiled by three consecutive days of thrilling baseball in the form of the Boston Red Sox kicking the New York Yankees' collective behinds. Ground rule doubles. Fastballs at 99 mph. A grand slam. STEALING HOME PLATE. What's better than that?

Maybe it's because HBO's In Treatment (which I'm going to write about in a separate blog item) is so gripping and exquisite, even when you're watching nothing but people talking.

Maybe it's because many other TV shows have been so good lately, such as Lost, Rescue Me, House, The Office, experiencing a rebirth of sorts with Michael's upstart company. (I'm currently irritated that Grey's Anatomy has become a showcase for dead and dying kid scenes. Seriously, as the mom of young kids, I can't take these kinds of scenes each week. I'm begging ya Shonda, please have Dr. Bailey get out of pediatrics, NOW!)

Whatever the cause, I do know that I've lost my Desperate Housewives' mojo. I've been writing about the show on this blog after each new episode but have been rapidly losing interest, despite the fact that the show's continuing to get good ratings. I, personally, don't find it a "must-see" anymore. Stories are becoming repetitive, characters too predictable.

How many times is Bree going to be betrayed by her husband/lover? (Rex cheated. The creepy pharmacist guy wooed Bree after killing Rex. Orson swooped in, knowing full well he'd already tried to kill Bree's neighbor Mike. I could go on and on here. Bree's unlucky in love. We've got it. But how many times are we going to see her go to war with the man who she once loved?)

How many episodes are going to feature the theme that people routinely hide things from one another? (Wasn't that the theme of the pilot episode, that Mary Alice was hiding her pain when her life looked pristine and perfect from the outside just before she committed suicide? Katherine "confessing" that she was hiding her desire for Mike to commit to her? Duh. Of course she'd want commitment. It would be out of character for her not to.)

How many times are we going to witness one spouse get jealous of another? (Tom getting upset that Lynette took a shower at the office? Like Lynette's really going to cheat on him with Carlos. Tom is feeling emasculated -- AGAIN -- because Lynette is working and comes home tired and uninterested in sex. Tom's looking to validate himself, make himself feel better. Why not have him buy a midlife crisis-mobile. Oh, wait. Already did that. How about have him join a rock band? Did that too. Flirt with a horny neighborhood housewife? Now he can check that off his list.)

Bah!

So now, if the heavy-handed foreshadowing at the end of this episode goes where I think it's going to go, we're going to see nutty, lying Dave try to kill Susan and Mike's son in order to pay Susan back for accidentally killing Dave's first wife and child? An injured or dead/dying kid, what is this, Grey's Anatomy? Good grief. Maybe they should just call an end to the season right now so the writers can re-group.

Image credit: ABC.

'Desperate' Monday . . . Er . . . Tuesday: Look Into Their Eyes . . .

I spent a lot of time rolling my eyes during the latest episode of Desperate Housewives, back from a hiatus that seemed to go on forever. But perhaps it should've been longer. Maybe the writers should've taken some more time to work on this Edie-is-dead episode because, damn, did they phone this one in.

This episode was practically a carbon copy of the January 18 episode, "The Best Thing That Ever Could Have Happened, featuring the dead handyman whom we'd never before seen but somehow managed to be an integral part of the lives of the Wisteria Lane residents. That previous episode was filled with flashbacks as each of the ladies -- during a poker game soon after Eli Scruggs died while working on Susan Mayer's roof -- had their own remembrances of Eli and the impact he made on them.

This new episode, called "Look Into Their Eyes And See What They Know," had the ladies drive Edie's remains to her son's college. However when the son, whom Edie previously used as Carlos-bait, said he didn't want the ashes, the gals wound up spreading them in their own yards. The bulk of the episode was comprised of nothing but supposedly meaningful "flashbacks" of Edie with each of the women. But at least viewers knew Edie, unlike the Eli dude.

Come on people. This show used to offer razor-sharp satire, black humor, insight. Its first two seasons were top-notch. Desperate Housewives was the buzzy show. Its stars were featured on the covers of the big magazines. Then something happened and it all went to hell. Stories that seemed promising (the Scavo family business for example) withered or were unsatisfactorily ignored (like Gabby's kids post-Carlos' new job). Preposterous other ones came forth (Porter Scavo's arson charge). Curious characters arrived but left abruptly (Tom's daughter Kayla, who was shipped off somewhere and never heard from again), as if the writers had grown tired of them, the way a child gets tired of a toy.

This season started off with some solid scenes, most of them courtesy of Gabby and Carlos Solis. Before Carlos got the new job and all the money and Gabby's character ceased to be interesting anymore. She reverted back to being the character she'd always been: Shallow and boring in her sub-zero-sized designer duds and perfect manicure. Yawn.

After watching the recent episode, I figured the writers must now be burnt out. The writers' room must be a desert, no new ideas, no compelling storylines. Just retreads. And that's a damned shame.

Image credit: ABC.

'Desperate' Mondays: A Spark. To Pierce the Dark

*Warning, spoilers ahead from the recently-aired Desperate Housewives.*

Desperate Housewives is getting . . . what's the phrase, too cute by half? ABC promised a "shocking" incident during the latest installment of the tales of the Wisteria Laners. Technically, they fulfilled their promise. Edie was literally shocked by a damaged power line after she smashed her car into a utility pole in an accident caused by the creepy Orson Hodge. (What's it with this guy and car accidents anyway? Does this mean DH will recycle an old storyline and have Edie be in a coma and lose her memory a la Mike Delfino?)

The official show web site says Edie was "electrocuted by a downed wire" so I guess we're supposed to take it that she's dead. Emphasis on the word "guess," because we all know Nicollette Sheridan is leaving DH at some point soon. But a New York Post writer wonders if this is going to be a not-quite-dead-yet trick. God, I hope not.

I, for one, wanted BOTH Katherine Mayfair and Edie's characters to be shown the exits. I've grown tired of them both. Alas, I think we're still going to have Katherine Mayfair to kick around some more, unless of course psycho Dave "Dash" Williams decides he simply must forge ahead with giving Mike the ultimate payback for accidentally running down and killing Dave's wife and daughter. Hopefully, Mrs. McCluskey will come to the rescue, as the only other person who knows about the fact that Dave lost a child. She's the one character who's remained fairly consistent on this show.

As for the ski-masked Orson, to quote 30 Rock's Liz Lemon, "What the, what?" When we were first introduced to Orson Hodge way back when, I used to routinely refer to him on another blog I was writing at the time as "Creepy Orson Hodge." His whole odd marriage to Bree rested on a bed of lies and weirdness, until Bree discovered the truth (that Orson ran over Mike with his car and put him in a coma), and forced Orson to turn himself in. Post-jail, Orson seemed as though he'd been tamed, like a kind, family dog whose wild, stubborn ways had been curbed. He wasn't so creepy anymore. He was just a guy who would go out to the patio and grill for his guests while drinking a beer. Then the stealing began two episodes ago, (though preceded by an odd incident when he insisted Bree make him a roast in the middle of the night) after he inexplicably demanded to be paid like a partner and grew enormously jealous of Bree's success. Now he's back to being Creepy Orson again. Nice Orson was just a blip apparently.

I am growing weary of this back-and-forth. The Orson-Bree marriage seems to be on the brink of divorce all the time, that is when they're not having sex on the test kitchen's counter, as they did back at the beginning of the season. When Bree rebuffed his demand to sell her lucrative business in order to return to being a housewife (What financial sense does that make, considering the ex-con can't get a dentistry gig?), Orson's now going to run around Wisteria Lane wearing a ski mask and stealing trinkets?

The last item that bugged me was the whole Lucy-taking-over-the-office-like-a-maniac business. She demanded that everyone, including Carlos, start logging all manner of crazy hours, nights, weekend, in order to land a $10 million account. She told employees, like Lynette, that she didn't care what kind of family or non-work commitments they had, they had to cancel everything or forget about keeping their jobs. Meanwhile, Carlos, the boss, cowered and obeyed, putting a huge crimp in his home and sex life. Why? He was the boss. He could've said, "No." At least the writers were wise enough to have Gabby point out that he was repeating the work-a-holic behavior that ruined their marriage the first time around. Somehow, this comment -- plus witnessing lunatic Lucy in action deriding a janitorial worker -- snapped Carlos out of his haze and gave him the stones to finally say, "No" to 24/7 work days.

On a positive note, the best moment from the new episode: Gabby and Tom gossiping over coffee. Loved that scene.

Image credit: ABC.

'Desperate' Mondays: The Story of Lucie and Jessie

So Desperate Housewives last night glossed over the absurdity that was the battle between the depressed Tom Scavo and his wife Lynette after their family pizzeria went belly-up over who should seek a PR/marketing job in order to support their family of four. They just pretended that the whole Tom-guzzling-the-beer-on-the-front-lawn-in-his-bathrobe never happened.

Okay. I'll go along with this just as long as we can pretend that the Lynette of the past two seasons never really happened. If the Lynette character can regain her previous mojo, I'm willing to forget the bad years. Whaddya say DH writers?

But the Orson-is-a-kleptomaniac storyline? I liked him better as a sad little sack of a husband trying to redeem himself after doing time in the Big House. I preferred the middle-of-the-road Orson to the creepy Orson from last season or this new disturbed Orson. What is it with Bree Van de Kamp Hodge that she attracts nuts, like the killer pharmacist and now Orson, who nearly killed Mike Delfino when he intentionally ran him down and has now resorting to stealing things from his neighbor to keep his control freak of a wife unhinged?



Speaking of crazy, please tell me that I didn't witness the foreshadowing of Katherine Mayfair's murder at the hand of Dave Williams on the camping trip? (It was about as subtle as a sledgehammer to the forehead. However if the writers DON'T go down this road, I'll be pleasantly surprised.)

And, I feel compelled to comment on the much ballyhooed gal-on-gal kiss between Gabby Solis and Susan Mayer. What a publicity stunt. A cheap, disingenuous one at that. It reminded me of the misleading promo ABC ran for Brothers & Sisters when they claimed that during the show's two-hour extravaganza would feature a shocking death. That was technically correct, if you go to the Bill Clinton school of what constitutes the truth. Rob Lowe's character Robert McCallister did flatline during a heart attack, but he was revived in the Emergency Room. I felt totally sandbagged again by ABC last night. I think the DH writers are done a disservice by such disingenuous ABC promotions, using the "I Kissed a Girl" tune. . . maybe they need to hire Lynette.

Image credit: ABC.

'Desperate' Mondays: Crime Doesn't Pay

The Desperate Housewives crew was back last night after a brief hiatus. The results were mixed.

The Scavos, once the highlight of my TV week, continue to disappoint. Sure Tom and Lynette had to close their family pizzeria amid a tanking economy and the scandal brought on by their no-good teenaged son who was accused of burning down his married lover's husband's nightclub. And now Tom is depressed. He's actually a cartoon character of depression, drinking beer while in his bathrobe, on the front lawn. It was left to Lynette to be pragmatic and take care of the family. Only, here's the thing: Why did Lynette spend so much time trying to get Tom a job when he clearly was in no position to handle the task? Why didn't she, a very experienced and well regarded professional, just get one herself a job and let Tom come to terms with the loss of the pizzeria?

The whole dinner at Bree's -- where Bree was trying to set Tom up to get a job with her PR guy who was looking for a new hire -- was preposterous, even by DH standards. Tom acted like a petulant child, pouting and carrying on, providing flip, clipped answers to a man who was trying to shove a lifeline into his hands. And Tom blew it, at a time when neither he nor his wife had a paying job. Lynette, seeing that Tom wasn't going for the job, made herself a viable alternative, tried to position herself for the post. Instead of continuing to sulk, Tom decided, "Well hey now! Can't have HER getting the job I don't want. Why don't I ruin her chance of getting this job too so we can both drink beer in the front yard while wearing our bathrobes?"

Lynette USED to be a strong character, so why the emphasis on babying Tom's fragile male ego? It was THEIR family business that ended, something for which Lynette sacrificed her high paying career. Why treat Tom like a hothouse flower who needs extra care and attention?

To later see Tom and Lynette laughing in their kitchen -- after Lynette told Bree's PR guy Tom had been fired and Tom said he hoped Lynette's cancer didn't flare up again while she were working for a new company -- that didn't resonate. Not at all. Sure, Tom and Lynette are screwed up, but for parents with four children to feed, clothe and house, this seemed ridiculous.

In other Wisteria Lane news . . . so Gabby did the right thing, demonstrated that she has a heart and chose to kind of come clean (actually she just refused to keep lying) about the fact that Carlos' boss was cheating on his pregnant wife, even if it did cost Carlos his six-figure job and hefty bonus. She's not the Grinch; we knew Gabby already had a heart. This was no big surprise. I want the paunchy, regular Gabby back, pretty please. She had more spunk. And no, I don't care if Carlos' boss' wife stuck a knife in the boss' back.

What DID I like about the recent episode? Surprisingly, I found Susan Mayer to be exceptionally gracious as her ex-husband moved in with Katherine Mayfair across the street from her, even if Susan did go rooting around Katherine's garage to prove that Katherine was a liar. I feel badly for Susan, not Katherine. Susan -- who'd been betrayed and humiliated by her first husband when he cheated on her -- lost her second husband's heart the moment they were involved in a fatal car accident which killed Dave Williams' wife and son (whose last names were Dash). Mike and Susan divorced because the guilt was too much. For Mike. Susan tried to save their relationship but he was unwilling to do so. Now Susan is the one who has to try to tiptoe around Katherine? I think not.

Which brings me to my last beef . . . Gabby and Susan kissing, as has been widely reported, as well as teased in the preview for next week's episode featuring the "I Kissed a Girl" excerpt, irritates me greatly. It's such a cheap and naked ratings ploy, no matter how it's written into the storyline. Desperate Housewives is consistently a top 10 show. They don't need a ploy.

Your thoughts on the recent Desperate Housewives' episode and the Susan-Gabby kiss they're heavily promoting?

Image credit: ABC.

'Desperate' Mondays . . . A Tad Late

President's Day. February school vacation + 3 kids at home making me crazy = The dog ate my homework. My bad on not getting this Desperate Housewives post up more promptly. But it's never too late to wax on at length about the Wisteria Lane gals . . .

Generally, I've been pleased with the last few episodes, now that the writers have dispensed with the Scavos-in-daytime-TVesque-peril-following-absurd-love-affair-and-faux-murder-accusations. It's been a relief to see that Lynette Scavo (Felicity Huffman) is starting to return to a quasi-likable character again, though she'd not quite there yet. I'm likewise happy to see that the writers have been effectively folding the current economic realities into the Housewives' stories. It lends an air of audience connectedness to some of the characters that had been woefully lacking, which explains why the dowdy Gabby Solis, frustrated by parenting two young girls, resonated much more with me than any other character during the season.

This past Sunday's fresh episode, "In a World Where the Kings are Employers," the grounded storyline trend continued when Susan Mayer had her first working mom conflict when her son was sick and both she and her ex-husband Mike Delfino, were supposed to work. They attempted to one-up each other over in order to figure out who'd stay home with the sick kid. Susan won out but Mike pawned the kid off on his girlfriend Katherine Mayfair. It was entertaining watching Susan trying to "compete" with Katherine over who's the best domestic engineer, a competition Susan could lose to even Edie Britt or Mrs. McCluskey's dead cat. The tension between Susan and Katherine this week was certainly more realistic than Susan's attempt to steal Katherine's fake pearl necklace last week.

The Gabby-Carlos storyline -- where Gabby blackmailed Carlos' boss into giving Carlos the company's only bonus in exchange for her not mentioning to the boss' pregnant wife that he was stepping out on her -- was mildly amusing. However I'm still in mourning for paunchy, poor Gabby. She had more kick. I would've invited that Gabby over for coffee.

*Spoiler alert!*

I'm sure many of you have heard about the impending departure of Nicollette Sheridan and her character Edie. Rumor has it that Edie will meet her demise at the hands of her nutty, mysterious husband Dave, who killed his therapist and covered the murder by setting fire to a bar many episodes back. (This was the fire Porter Scavo was accused of setting.) I like Dave Williams, played with verve by Neal McDonough. I hope the writers give Edie a decent send-off.

Are you saddened to hear that Edie will be leaving the show? Are you pleased with how season five has been playing out, or disappointed?

Image credit: ABC.