'Desperate' Monday: You Gotta Get a Gimmick

*Warning, spoilers ahead from the latest episode of Desperate Housewives.*

I’m still angry with Carlos and Gabby. Sorry. Can’t help it. A 60-inch plasma TV, paying Lynette a salary during the remainder of her pregnancy and for her six-week maternity leave, offering Lynette her job back and then allowing Tom to temporarily assume the post in her absence, none of it, in my opinion, takes the raging narcissists off the hook for their wretched, discriminatory behavior. You don’t treat a friend like that and push her growing family into possible financial ruin. It shouldn’t take that friend having to save your child’s life to suddenly make you see the light of how wrong you were and expect all the viewers to just forget about it with a shoulder shrug.

I know, I know, it's Desperate Housewives, what do I expect? But I guess I made the mistake of expecting a bit more . . . I can’t just switch off my irritation and just be okay with the Solises and sympathize with Gabby’s impoverished childhood and her estrangement from her Mexican heritage. I can’t make myself care about where Juanita goes to school and how many Latinas live (or don’t live) in her neighborhood.

This is one of the things that irritates me about Desperate Housewives. The writers’ll ratchet up all this tension and angst and then *poof* all of it is forgotten and we’re supposed to just move on. At least with the Bree-Orson situation they’re not just having the estranged couple simply get past Bree’s affair and Orson’s extortion in mere days, instead, they’re reverting back to their behavior from last season when Orson was punishing Bree for paying more attention to her flourishing career than to him by forcing her to stay up late and make him a pot roast.

Even the Lynette and Tom argument over what Lynette would/should do after she has the baby was retracing old terrain. The whole should-she-stay-home-or-shouldn’t-she debate has been done to death already. Seeing Tom come home, beaming, after a successful day of work while Lynette’s been at home doing something as exciting as peeing “twice in every bathroom in the house,” brought us smack dab back to the days when Lynette was miserable being an at-home mom who felt backed into a corner by her maternity and her husband.

The only moment of freshness was the Susan Mayer Delfino-strip club storyline where Susan pole danced to make a point, which I found amusing given that it was only last week that Susan was in a fat suit. The scene where Mike acknowledged Susan had a point about his frequenting strip clubs and he so adamantly didn’t want her to take her top off that he covered her with his jacket and swept her up in his arms a la An Officer and a Gentleman, was the most entertaining moment of the entire episode.

What do you think Housewives fans, can you forgive Carlos and Gabby? What did you think of the new episode, “You Gotta Get a Gimmick?”

Image credit: Ron Tom/ABC.

'Desperate Housewives' Playing Pregnancy Discrimination for Laughs

As I've been reviewing episodes of Desperate Housewives this season, I've become increasingly appalled by the Lynette Scavo/Carlos Solis plotline.

In a nutshell: Lynette, a mom of four, accidentally got pregnant and was planning to tell her boss Carlos -- her longtime friend and neighbor -- about her pregnancy. But before she could inform him, he told her he'd just passed over a talented woman for a promotion because she was pregnant and instead offered the post to Lynette, a job which would double her salary, as she's the sole breadwinner of her family of six, about to become a family of eight (she's having twins and her husband has gone back to college). She opted not to tell Carlos right away, but to make arrangements for her departure by training a (temporary) replacement and by landing a big account. However Carlos found out before Lynette was ready to tell him and pushed her out of the job, treating her as a betrayer of trust whose pregnancy had hurt his business. Then Lynette sued.

The story seems super-serious for the dramedy Desperate Housewives but has been played for laughs. For example, when Lynette's breasts swelled at the beginning of her pregnancy, Carlos thought she had gotten implants and urged her to show off her cleavage with a sexy, revealing dress (which he paid for) in an attempt to lure a male client. And now that Lynette is suing Carlos, his wife Gabby isn't speaking to Lynette and is, in fact treating her wretchedly, calling Lynette an "awful person" who let Carlos down by getting pregnant.



My column on Mommy Track this week centers on this storyline and, once you put aside the typical Wisteria Lane melodrama, asks what a woman in Lynette's situation is supposed to do.

What would you do in this situation?

'Desperate' Monday: Would I Think of Suicide?

*Warning, spoilers ahead from the latest episode of Desperate Housewives.*

In short order, the Desperate Housewives’ writers have transformed the Solises into a remarkably unlikeable and wildly self-centered couple who’ve progressed not a bit since season one. Why on earth did they do this? Why did they take Gabby and Carlos -- whom they spent much of last year building into a warm, down-to-earth couple – go down this road?

Over the Thanksgiving holiday week, I had the chance to see a bit of last season’s Desperate Housewives episodes on TV in the days when Gabby and Carlos were actually human beings with blood running through their veins: Carlos was resisting going back to a high-pressured job. When he started working crazy hours and came home from work grumpy and tired all the time, Gabby had pleaded with him not to go back “there,” to the time when she was the bored housewife who was ignored by her calloused and uncaring husband who cared more about his business’ bottom line than his wife.

Given what happened last season, it's been painful to watch the jack ass they’ve made of Carlos this season, telling Lynette to take a Florida transfer or face termination, moving Lynette’s office to a teeny supply closet and giving her 48 hours of work to complete an assignment in less than 24 hours (insisting that Lynette miss her daughter’s Christmas play) knowing there was no way she could finish it within the timeframe, giving him the perfect excuse to fire her.

Then there was Gabby, who accused Lynette of “lying” about her pregnancy when, in fact, she simply didn’t inform her of the pregnancy . She believed Lynette should’ve put Carlos’ business and the Solises’ bottom line ahead of Lynette’s own family, her family’s bottom line and the lives of the twins she’s carrying. Though she made a soft pitch to Carlos to let up on Lynette a little, once she learned that Lynette was suing Carlos for discrimination, Gabby acted as though LYNETTE was the one who wounded the friendship.

Why did the writers make the Solises such bad guys? Who out there is actually going to be rooting for them now, as they've tortured Lynette, knowing full well she’s her growing family’s only breadwinner, and then fired her? I don’t see a way for the writers to make them empathetic parents again. I just want to see them pay. And suffer.

Then there’s the transformation of Katherine Mayfair into Glenn Close’s character from Fatal Attraction. All that’s been missing is a boiling bunny on the stove. After harassing Susan Mayer and making her life hell, Katherine has set her sights on Susan and Mike Delfino’s son MJ, filling his head with criticisms of his mother (whom Katherine told him was “a bad person” and “stole” Mike from Katherine). After being told in no uncertain terms by Mike to stay away from MJ, she took the Glenn Close step of picking MJ up from a birthday party. When Mike confronted Katherine, as she knew he would, she took a knife which Mike’d handled, and stabbed herself with it.

I keep waiting for her to say that she’s pregnant with Mike’s baby. If only MJ had a pet rabbit. Seriously, we've entered Sillyville now.

What do you think about the conversion of Carlos and Gabby into evil cardboard characters? About Katherine pulling a Fatal Attraction?

Image credit: Ron Tom/ABC.

'Desperate' Monday: The Coffee Cup

*Warning, spoilers ahead from the latest episode of Desperate Housewives.*

I was really, really ticked off after watching the latest Desperate Housewives episode, “The Coffee Cup.” Why? I couldn’t stop thinking about the treatment of Lynette Scavo by her so-called friends and neighbors Carlos and Gabby Solis because they learned that a working mother had the temerity to get pregnant and not terminate the pregnancy for their convenience. How selfish of Lynette, getting pregnant and not putting Carlos’ business deals first.

Lynette got pregnant – with twins no less – by accident, which, last time I checked, was not illegal and does not make you a horrendous employee, particularly when Lynette fully intended to go back to work after giving birth because she’s the only adult drawing a paycheck in her house, with her husband Tom re-living his college days.

Several weeks ago, Lynette was going to tell Carlos that she was pregnant, soon after she herself figured it out. But before she could tell him, Carlos started openly bragging to Lynette that he’d passed over another female employee for a promotion because she was pregnant. He – a man with two daughters cared for his at-home wife -- decided to give the promotion to Lynette. The new promotion would include a big pay bump, which Lynette, with her growing baby bump, desperately needed. Sure, Lynette could’ve come clean with Carlos anyway, given that he’d just admitted to discriminating against another employee because she’s pregnant and he’d have been put in a tenuous situation. But she didn’t. She needed the money.

During last night’s episode, Gabby found out that Lynette is four months pregnant. Did Gabby talk to her friend about the pregnancy and how Lynette and Tom feel about it? Even bother to learn that Lynette was unhappy at first with the news and contemplated ending the pregnancy?

Nope.

Instead, Gabby – the professional housewife who has no qualms about screwing with other people’s lives so she can spend her days shopping instead of home schooling -- stormed out of Lynette’s house, angry that Lynette “let Carlos down,” that Lynette wasn’t acting like a dedicated employee.

Carlos, in turn, morphed into the calloused piece of granite he was in season one: Telling Lynette she can either take the transfer he's offering her and move to Florida or quit, knowing full well she can’t take the transfer and that she's the only Scavo adult with a full-time job. This is how you treat a neighbor, as if Lynette planned the whole thing to screw Carlos over when, in reality, she was making arrangements to make sure Carlos would have adequate coverage for her three-month maternity leave, for which Carlos is required to give her by law?

Since last season, Desperate Housewives writers seemed interested in softening up Gabby and Carlos, bringing them down to earth, giving them feet of clay, turning Gabby into a “regular” mom and Carlos into a man who put his family ahead of other things, like opulent consumerism and cut-throat deal-making. (Remember when he wanted to work for a non-profit to help the blind? When he was an at-home dad? I liked that guy.)

Now the writers have entered a time-warp. The Solises are being portrayed as a heartless, selfish, craven jerks who care nothing for a family with whom they’ve been friends for years, acting as though Lynette’s pregnancy is something that was “done” to them, as if they have any say in the Scavos’ reproductive decisions.

I don’t know if there’s any turning back from this development, if indeed the writers have the Solis’ go forward with firing Lynette because she’s pregnant. It’s definitely ticked me off . . . more so than the incredibly lame story about Nick Bolen choking some nameless girl in a coffee shop and that he likely choked Julie Mayer. So don’t care about that.

Image credit: Ron Tom/ABC.

'Desperate' Monday: Don't Walk on the Grass

*Warning, spoilers ahead from the latest episode of Desperate Housewives.*

Gabby Solis – who didn’t realize the Soviet Union had broken up – as a homeschooling “bad mom?” That unbelievable situation was matched only by Tom Scavo answering to the moniker of “T-Scav,” Bree Van de Kamp Hodge contemplating marrying a lying philanderer, one Carl Mayer, and Katherine Mayfair is continuing to act like a psychopathic stalker who’s apparently trying to wrestle every woman on Wisteria Lane.

Gabby the Homeschooler

Why is everyone always saying that Gabby’s a bad mother? Why is this a running thread, a joke carried over several episodes? What, seriously, is wrong with Gabby’s parenting? I want some specifics here people.

Sure, she swears sometimes, but so does her husband. (If swearing makes you a bad parent, then I’m in big trouble.) She can be impatient, as can her husband. (Ditto with me and a lack of patience.) She might be a little liberal with letting her kids play on their own around the house and get into mischief – like last week’s sledding down the stairs incident – but that just means she’s got a “Free-Range Kids” point of view on parenting and doesn’t think she should hover over her kids. Last week, when the man who promised to have a monkey perform at Juanita’s birthday party tried to renege on his agreement to play the party, Gabby didn’t want her daughter disappointed so she insisted that the monkey perform even though his owner said the animal was tired. Is that Gabby’s fault that the monkey went nutty on the clown, or is the monkey’s handler’s fault? The world, apparently, is blaming the mom on this one.

Yet the theme “Gabby’s a bad parent” is omnipresent, including in the latest episode where, when 7-year-old Juanita couldn’t pronounce the word “persecuted” during her elementary school’s Thanksgiving play and the girl then dropped the f-bomb while on stage. From the dictator principal’s point of view, the onus for Juanita’s use of blue language fell squarely onto Gabby’s shoulders, not on BOTH Gabby and Carlos. “If you want to assign blame, you might want to look at your dubious parenting skills,” the principal said. In response, Gabby dropped some f-bombs of her own and said she was withdrawing Juanita from the school, hence her unwilling foray into the world of homeschoolers when she and Carlos learned all the area private schools had no openings until the next school year.

Now I’ll give you that Gabby’s not the sharpest knife in the drawer (“The Soviet Union broke up?”) and is ill prepared to homeschool her daughter -- plus she shouldn’t be seeking affirmation of the quality of her parenting skills from her 7-year-old -- but she’s not a BAD mother. Jeez.

T-Scav’s On the Case . . . Or Not

Tom Scavo going by T-Scav, bringing home drunken puking college peeps, buying them kegs of beer and promising to get them pancakes following a “cut-throat game of beer pong?” Were these pieces of evidence pointing to a mid-life crisis? Nope, just a middle-aged man cutting corners in college (bribing the students who obtain the answers to the statistics exams) so he can get his degree and thrive in a new career to help support his growing family of soon-to-be six kids.

I’m kind of ambivalent about the whole Tom-is-cheating-in-statistics storyline, though I did take distinct umbrage to his likening Lynette not revealing her pregnancy to her boss to his cheating on exams. Lynette’s job is crucial to the family’s economic survival in a recession, which I suppose could be argued about Tom’s career. But Lynette’s situation isn’t comparable because pregnancy discrimination is a serious thing that happens to women, penalizes them for being pregnant when being pregnant isn't a bad, unethical thing, unlike knowingly cheating on tests when you've booted your studies.

Bree’s an Idiot

The facts: Carl Mayer cheated on his first wife, broke her heart, stole items he’d given her as meaningful gifts and later blamed her for “losing them,” urges his clients to break the law, openly ogles women’s breasts in front of his girlfriend, parks in handicapped parking spots without concern and re-gifted a supposedly cherished family heirloom with a lame line. So why in the world would Bree risk her friendship with Susan Mayer, risk her own heart with a proven cheater and thief and soil her reputation in Fairview? For good sex?

Please Knock It Off W/the Gal-on-Gal Tousles

Someone at Desperate Housewives must’ve received some kind of network memo that says, “Have more scantily clad chicks fighting. It’s great for ratings. The more cat fights, the better. Be sure to show cleavage.” Only such ugly cynicism could be behind the repeated scuffles between Katherine and other Wisteria Lane women: Fisticuffs which end with lingerie-clad Susan and Katherine wet and thrashing about in a bubble bath, Susan accidentally shooting Katherine in the arm while Katherine was wearing short shorts at the time and Katherine wrestling with Bree in a fully decorated wedding reception hall while they’re both wearing attractive dresses (which have been getting more and more revealing as the season has progressed).

Katherine’s become unhinged because the man she loves has returned to his ex-wife. She’s miserable. She’s angry. She’s heartbroken. WE GET IT. I had an inkling of hope that, like Katherine, the writers were going to finally “take the high road” and have Katherine be conniving and manipulative and smart about how she’s going exact her revenge on Susan and get Mike back. The whole you-should-have-me-over-for-brunch-so-I-don’t-sue-you bit was mildly amusing. But when she called Mike late at night, dressed in a nightie and sexed up her boudoir with candles, rose petals and champagne and then fought with Susan in the tub, I felt as though adolescent boys had started writing the scripts, trying to see how much humiliation with a twist of sex appeal they can create.

I’d love to hear your thoughts about “Don’t Walk on the Grass.” Do you think Gabby’s a “bad mom?” Is Bree being foolish? What do you think about Katherine impersonating a WWF wrestler?

Image credit: Ton Tom/ABC.

‘Desperate’ Monday: Everybody Ought to Have a Maid

*Warning, spoilers ahead from the latest episode of Desperate Housewives.*

“It is in our nature to judge those around us.”

In the opening scene of Desperate Housewives, we were handed the theme of the episode about our propensity to judge others yet not wanting to be judged ourselves. Gabby didn’t want her parenting judged by an overprotective helicopter mother. Bree didn’t want to be judged for having an affair by the housekeeping staff at a motel. Susan didn’t want to be judged by her neighbors as over-the-top jealous of Mike’s ex-fiancé Katherine's efforts to get him back. And Tom didn’t want to be judged by another guy for seeming to have no . . . walnuts.

I loved, just loved, the Gabby storyline this week about the virtues of good enough parenting versus smothering parenting. As Gabby poured herself a glass of red wine, she heard a thump followed by a yell. When she ran to the source of the sound, she found Juanita and her friend Rachel after they’d “sledded” down the carpeted stairs in an open suitcase. Gabby determined that the girls were fine just as Rachel’s mother entered the house, aghast that Gabby hadn’t been watching the girls’ every move so they’d never sustain so much as a scratch.

“You’re pretty cavalier given that your carelessness almost killed my daughter,” the mom said.

Gabby took the overreacting mother aside and told her she’d been a “wet blanket” since she quit smoking, to which the mother replied, “I think you’re a lousy mother.”

“Did you just say that to my face?” Gabby asked.

“Yes, and I’m afraid I won’t be bringing my daughter here anymore. The safety and well being of my child must come first.”

“Fine. Juanita only had Rachel over because she felt sorry for her,” Gabby said. “It was a pity playdate.”

The rest – the ostracization of Gabby by other mothers who were told their children aren’t safe at Gabby’s house, Gabby’s revenge by planning a killer birthday party that the kids begged their mothers to attend and the monkey-run-amok for which Gabby was blamed – wasn’t as funny as the first scene which opened the show and scored delightful points about hovering over one’s children.

What I irritated me somewhat about how this thread was concluded was, in the wake of the monkey-savaging-the-clown scene, Carlos said Gabby’s “negligence” had turned their daughters into self-sufficient, confident girls. Liked the point he made about raising strong children (as opposed to frightened and insecure ones) but not the part that labeled her as a bad mother for not keeping an unbroken eyelock on her kids.

Bree’s affair with Karl. *sigh* I just cannot get into this story, no matter how much I might want to, even when a wise member of the housekeeping staff offered herself up as a cautionary tale to Bree about the steep costs of infidelity. Karl is a snake. Susan is Bree’s friend and Susan’ll never forgive Bree for having an affair with Karl. And Bree knows this, therefore I’m having a hard time sympathizing or comprehending or caring much about Bree’s rationale for frequenting a cheap motel room -- which she called “our place” -- with the man who broke one of her good friend’s hearts.

Oh, and Susan shot Katherine. I want to take Katherine and shake her by both shoulders to put some sense back into her. This was a professional woman with culinary Bree-like skills and creativity, someone who had the courage to flee an abusive spouse and start a new life, and now she’s become completely unhinged by the fact that her fiancé went back to his first wife, the mother of their son, so much so that Katherin’s acting like a lunatic. One could understand deep disappointment, hurt feelings, humiliation, anger and the desire to get back at Mike and Susan for hurting her. But this has gone to crazy lengths, even by DH standards, watching Katherine unravel.

But to offset crazy Katherine, I was pleased to see the old Lynette and Tom resurface, even though they were only given minor face-time this week. Tom’s explanation to Karen McCluskey’s main squeeze Roy about why he allows Lynette to maintain the illusion that she calls all the shots in their home was that it makes her feel safe after growing up surrounded by insecurity and shouldering too much responsibility at too young an age. Sweet.

Do we care about the creepy Bolen family whose teenaged son gave Julie the gun which got into Susan’s hand and wound up being used to shoot Katherine? Or that Julie Mayer dumped the married Nick Bolen who has a son her age? Eh, not so much.

Your thoughts on “Everybody Ought to Have a Maid?”

Image credit: Danny Feld/ABC.

'Desperate' Monday: The God-Why-Don't-You-Love-Me Blues

*Warning, spoilers ahead from the latest episode of Desperate Housewives.*

Okay, what have they done with the Carlos Solis character which the show carefully cultivated over the past few seasons, the one who was caring andloving, a full-fledged human, not a stock character from Mad Men’s Sterling Cooper? The one who became worthy of the love and devotion of his wife and two daughters, the one who wanted to work for the blind and didn’t care about money until Gabby forced him into taking a six-figure job? He’s now an unrecognizable sexist meathead who’s not only willing to pass over a talented woman for a promotion because she’s pregnant (Remember the days when children and family were important to Carlos? When he was actively trying to knock Gabby up?), openly tell Lynette about how he didn’t want to promote a pregnant woman, then use what he perceives as Lynette’s surgically enhanced breasts to seal a business deal.

The guy who last season wanted to devote his life to the basics of love and family, is now uttering such lines as, “Why did you get those things if you don’t want people looking at them?”

He even told Lynette to buy a dress that would reveal her cleavage to two men with whom he’d arranged dinner, and then encouraged her to take off her coat. When Lynette said it was too chilly in the room to remove her jacket, Carlos then, unbelievably told HIS EMPLOYEE that it’d be even better for their chances of securing the deal if it was cold when Lynette revealed her boobs.

I now HATE Carlos (as I’m supposed to, I guess). And that pains me because I didn’t hate him last season. Now he’s a Neanderthal again and the inconsistency of all of this is driving me crazy.


Of course the storyline is building up for the big reveal, when Carlos finds out Lynette’s pregnant with twins. What will happen? Will he fire Lynette? Demote her? Will she then sue for gender discrimination? How low will they have Carlos go?

That’s what made the scenes with Gabby and John, then later with Gabby and Carlos (when she told him that while she’d never imagine this would be her life, she loves it, unlike Betty Draper) lose their power. The writers can’t have it both ways, that Carlos is a sweet, doting family man on the one hand, and on the other, he’s a sexist pig who’s wildly discriminating against women and making them use their breasts to land business deals . . . not after turning him into a kind, down-to-earth character last year. I, frankly, was unmoved by Gabby’s declaration of love for Carlos knowing that Carlos had just pimped out Lynette’s breasts. Carlos is not Don Draper, with whom viewers can have a love/hate relationship.

The big twist of the episode, of course, was that Julie Mayer woke up from her coma (She was only in a coma for five days? Boy did that seem longer!) only to discover that her mother Susan knows that she dropped out of med school six months ago, now works as a waitress and is/was dating a married man whose first name started with the initial “D” whose baby Julie had been worried she was carrying, though she’s not pregnant. Then, at the end, we learned that Nick Bolen’s real name is Dominic and that he was/is Julie’s lover. Even though I really hate the Bolen family, especially the Danny subplot (I could care less about him), mixing it up with an apparently loon like Angie could be provocative to say the least. Maybe Angie and Katherine could team up to rumble with the Mayer women. Sounds like something Desperate Housewives writers might consider for sweeps week.

Speaking of provocative . . . I found Susan’s line to Julie when she expressed her shock that Julie, of all people, would have an affair with a married man who has a family, poignant, “You know what an affair like this can do. You saw it firsthand.”


What did you think of this episode? What do you think of the Carlos-Lynette work situation?

Image credit: Ron Tom/ABC.

'Desperate' Tuesday: Never Judge a Lady by Her Lover

*Warning: Spoilers ahead from the recent episode of Desperate Housewives.*


This episode began with a voice-over saying, “There’s a certain kind of woman you see in the suburbs.” Then a series of unflattering portrait of suburban women was unleashed: The mom who waits with her kid for the school bus while still wearing her bathrobe and clutching a mug of coffee. The mom who’s clutching the baby carrier while running to the post office with curlers still in her hair. Another one unloading groceries from the grocery store – as her kids were dashing into the house -- while wearing sweats and a T-shirt. “This woman is a housewife. . . She will try to look beautiful if she has someone to look beautiful for.”

Then they went to a shot of Gabby with her hair haphazardly pinned on the back of her head while she was eating out a restaurant with her family, including her two young kids, one of whom had just hurled food at her. Only Gabby hasn’t resembled said description of a “housewife” -- who looks like the rest of us mere moral suburban moms -- since early last season before Carlos regained his sight, back when Carlos was a humanitarian who wanted to work for little to no money, only Gabby pressured him into accepting a cut-throat, overtime working, six-figure job.

Since the middle of last season, Gabby has been back to her svelteness and her couture, regardless of the shot of her messy up-do, and Carlos has been back to being the ruthless businessman he was when Desperate Housewives started years ago. Gabby’s going to be jealous of her former gardener lover’s interest in her hot niece and Carlos is discriminating against a pregnant woman by offering Lynette a major promotion while openly telling her that he didn’t pick the other candidate because she’s pregnant, of course laying the groundwork for a discrimination suit should he try to take away that promotion from Lynette once he learns she’s pregnant, with twins no less.


The shift backwards in Carlos’ and Gabby’s characters have annoyed me since last season just when I was actually starting to cotton to Gabby and was loathing what had happened to Lynette’s character, who was a mere shadow of the greatness she’d been during that same freshman season. Now it’s as if they’ve swapped places. Lynette’s back to season one goodness and Gabby and Carlos are back to being shallow, heartless folk. What a shame, just as I was starting to like Gabby too.

As for the Susan-as-the-outraged-mother story -- where she spread erronenous rumors that her new neighbors’ son Danny choked Julie and then attacked Danny by nearly crushing him with a car as she tried to get him to admit his guilt -- I’m at least glad that the writers didn’t tie up the who-strangled-Julie mystery in a neat, little bow. So Danny didn’t do it, but obviously someone in the creepy Bolen family did . . . something. Now there are two mysteries: Who hurt Julie and what the Bolen family is hiding. And you know what, I don’t care about either one of them. Give me actual character development with sharp suburban satire instead of hollow plot advancers and I’ll be happy.

A genuinely amusing moment from the episode, was the Scavo kids’ reaction to Lynette’s announcement that she’s pregnant:


“Aren’t you going to be like the world’s oldest moms?”

“It’s so gross that you’re still doing it.”

What’d you think of “Never Judge a Lady by Her Lover?”

Image credit: ABC.

'Desperate' Mondays: Season Finale

* Warning, spoilers from the Desperate Housewives season finale ahead. *

Three plot twists stood out among the pack in the DH finale:

1. Susan, Mike, MJ & the murderous Dave . . . plus Delfino nuptials.

If Mike Delfino married anyone OTHER than Susan Mayer -- two months after attempting to heroically save her and their son from the homicidal nutcase Dave Williams/Dash -- then I would be surprised, shocked even, which would be nice, but not in a Grey's Anatomy shocked kind of way. (I'll rant about GA's manipulative finale in a separate post.)

But let's face it, if Mike married someone else -- two months after planning to hop a plane to Vegas to marry Katherine Mayfair -- then the writers will have a lotta 'splainin' to do. I'd be hard pressed to come up with a plausible scenario for Mike marrying anyone who isn't Susan. They've already jerked this couple around enough since season one. Last year's season finale took the new mom Susan, who was happily married to Mike, and flashed forward five years to show Susan kissing another man. During the summer before this fifth season began, everyone speculated about what that scene meant, only to learn that Susan and Mike had divorced in the wake of a traumatic car accident which left a mom and her young child dead.

To have Mike not marry Susan this time around, after all the nonsense with Edie in season three then putting them together and breaking them apart for the second time, would be absurd, particularly because the writers have made it clear that they still love one another and, had it not been for that accident, they'd still be together. Dave remarked that bringing Mike, Susan and MJ to the location where his wife and child died would be poetic. And it truly was if the writers used it -- the location of the incident that ultimately separated Mike and Susan -- to bring the couple back together and make the family whole again.

As for Katherine, well, she's just poor, pathetic Katherine sitting alone in the airport clutching two coffees and looking bewildered, someone who I wished had been more confident in her own value, intellect, success and attractiveness. If she was so afraid that the man who moved in with her and proposed marriage didn't really love her, that she needed to keep him away from his ex-wife lest he flee into his ex's arms, then she already knew, deep down inside, that he was not the right man for her. Hopefully Katherine will be given something more useful to do in season six other than moping around and making moony eyes.

2. Lynette is pregnant with babies five and six just as Tom's getting ready to go back to school to learn Mandarin Chinese.

I was pleasantly surprised to see that Tom Scavo found something about which to be excited, other than his bad garage band or his mid-life crisis mobile that he had to sell. Going back to college was a great idea, and it was completely in character how Lynette responded to his initially ambiguous plan. "Okay," I thought, "they're onto something with the Scavos here. 'Bout time."

Then came news of Lynette's twins pregnancy. Are the writers seeking to reboot the Scavos' story, to move the family back to square one from the first season, and if so, will they have learned anything about balancing work and family? I could be on board with an "oops" pregnancy as long as it's not simply a rehash of previously trod territory.

3. The Solises take in Carlos' teenaged niece, in a story that feels like we've previously seen on DH.

Of the big developments in the finale, this one seemed odd. Haven't we already seen this storyline before, albeit with slightly different twists? This reminded me of the fall-out after Tom's eldest daughter Kayla (conceived pre-Lynette with a former gal pal of Tom's) needed to be taken in after her loony mother Nora was killed. The scheming daughter came between Lynette and Tom, manipulated Lynette to get what she wanted, goaded her and pouted in front of Tom until Lynette became so wild with frustration that she convinced Tom that, for the sake of their family, Kayla had to be sent away. After Kayla called child care workers on Lynette, Tom agreed.

Is that what they have in mind for the Solises? Having Carlos' niece Anna goad Gabby and manipulate people into getting her way until Gabby says that, for the sake of the Solis family, Carlos has to send Anna to live with another relative? Anna seems like simply an older version of Kayla, only she's learned how to use her sex appeal to get boys to do her bidding and give her designer duds. She also knows how to make Gabby crazy.

This can go nowhere good. And I must say, I'm not a fan of the girl-as-manipulator storyline being repeated. It also will do nothing positive for Gabby's character, who's at her most unlikeable when she locks horns with another female regarding control over a man, in this case, Carlos.

(I've decided against addressing the Bree Van de Kamp Hodge/Orson Hodge story because I think it's silly.)

Overall, I did like this Desperate Housewives finale. I genuinely wondered whether they'd go so far as to have Dave kill MJ (which would've been really brutal) or harm Susan. Flashing forward two months to show Mike marrying a thickly veiled woman without revealing her face was a clever move, even if it simply cannot be anyone other than Susan.

Your thoughts on the finale? Did it meet your expectations?

Image credit: ABC.

'Desperate' Mondays: Bargaining

Let's get right to the point with this Desperate Housewives' wrap-up/review, shall we?

Likes:

-- The writers put a clever twist on the Susan-Mayer-gets-back-together-with-her-ex-painter-boyfriend. Jackson appeared in Fairview with no advanced warning after the two broke up months ago. The two had dinner at Susan's. Jackson abruptly asked Susan to marry him. She cut him off mid-sentence and fled to another room where, through a closed door, she proclaimed her unrequited love for him. Chagrined by her overly emotional response, Jackson told her, through the same closed door, that he was only looking to marry her so he won't be deported to Canada. He needed a green card. That made me laugh, for the first time in many a recent DH eppy. I was NOT expecting this. It has comedic potential, having Susan be thrice-wed.

-- Liked the Juanita/make-up storyline. I've been waiting for the writers to dive back into this subject matter, given that Gabby used to be a model and to her, appearance is of paramount importance.

After Carlos was blinded and he and Gabby had two kids, Gabby dropped her superficiality and focused on living a well rounded life. She didn't obsess over her looks and even willfully ignored the fact that her two daughters were a bit on the heavy side.

However -- as I've lamented many times here -- ever since Carlos regained his eyesight and landed a six-figure job, Gabby has returned to original form and forgotten that those hard days existed. She blew off her daughters' potential body and beauty issues, particularly given the fact that Gabby returned to the glam.

-- The sex-for-30-consecutive-days bit with Lynette and Tom Scavo was amusing at first. Those books about married couples having sex every day for a whole year really irk me. They don't take into consideration sickness and the unpredictable messiness of life. And that's what the writers were taking on here: The backlash against those who proclaimed that sex every day would rejuvenate a marriage. Having Lynette tell the Wisteria Lane gals that she'd return to their card game in the kitchen quickly -- because it wouldn't take long to satiate Tom, who was urging her to end the card game so they could get busy -- did elicit a chuckle.

The storyline moved into uncomfortable territory, however, when: a) It appeared as though an insistent and increasingly irrational Tom was considering having sex with an exhausted Lynette after she fell asleep, and 2) He appeared at Lynette's office one night when she had to work late and said they had to have relations on her desk during a conference call while Carlos was at an off-site meeting. Those scenes weren't funny. They were icky. And distinctly unsexy. Perhaps that's what they were going for, how having sex for consecutive days regardless of mood just because you made some agreement ISN'T sexy. If so, then they succeeded.

Dislikes:

-- Dave Williams WAS an intriguing, angry, potentially sinister dude. Liked the way Neil McDonough played him at first. Now? Don't care. Don't care how he's plotting to get back at Susan and her second ex-husband Mike Delfino and possibly their son MJ.

-- Have also lost interest in Bree Van de Kamp Hodge getting angry and wanting to divorce creepy thieving ex-con Orson. The fact that she turned to Susan's first ex-husband, the cheating, untrustworthy Karl to be her divorce lawyer (and the previews for next week show them BREAKING INTO a house while clad in all black), is just silly. Why?

-- Katherine putting MJ up to interrogating Mike during breakfast about whether he'll ever pop the question was so very desperate and sad. When Katherine first appeared as a show regular, she was so confident, showing Bree up with her perfect pies. Now Katherine is a shadow of her former self. That's too bad.

Well, DH fans, what did you think? What are you hoping to see in the season finale?

Image credit: ABC.

'Desperate' Monday . . . Er . . . Tuesday: Look Into Their Eyes . . .

I spent a lot of time rolling my eyes during the latest episode of Desperate Housewives, back from a hiatus that seemed to go on forever. But perhaps it should've been longer. Maybe the writers should've taken some more time to work on this Edie-is-dead episode because, damn, did they phone this one in.

This episode was practically a carbon copy of the January 18 episode, "The Best Thing That Ever Could Have Happened, featuring the dead handyman whom we'd never before seen but somehow managed to be an integral part of the lives of the Wisteria Lane residents. That previous episode was filled with flashbacks as each of the ladies -- during a poker game soon after Eli Scruggs died while working on Susan Mayer's roof -- had their own remembrances of Eli and the impact he made on them.

This new episode, called "Look Into Their Eyes And See What They Know," had the ladies drive Edie's remains to her son's college. However when the son, whom Edie previously used as Carlos-bait, said he didn't want the ashes, the gals wound up spreading them in their own yards. The bulk of the episode was comprised of nothing but supposedly meaningful "flashbacks" of Edie with each of the women. But at least viewers knew Edie, unlike the Eli dude.

Come on people. This show used to offer razor-sharp satire, black humor, insight. Its first two seasons were top-notch. Desperate Housewives was the buzzy show. Its stars were featured on the covers of the big magazines. Then something happened and it all went to hell. Stories that seemed promising (the Scavo family business for example) withered or were unsatisfactorily ignored (like Gabby's kids post-Carlos' new job). Preposterous other ones came forth (Porter Scavo's arson charge). Curious characters arrived but left abruptly (Tom's daughter Kayla, who was shipped off somewhere and never heard from again), as if the writers had grown tired of them, the way a child gets tired of a toy.

This season started off with some solid scenes, most of them courtesy of Gabby and Carlos Solis. Before Carlos got the new job and all the money and Gabby's character ceased to be interesting anymore. She reverted back to being the character she'd always been: Shallow and boring in her sub-zero-sized designer duds and perfect manicure. Yawn.

After watching the recent episode, I figured the writers must now be burnt out. The writers' room must be a desert, no new ideas, no compelling storylines. Just retreads. And that's a damned shame.

Image credit: ABC.

'Desperate' Mondays: A Spark. To Pierce the Dark

*Warning, spoilers ahead from the recently-aired Desperate Housewives.*

Desperate Housewives is getting . . . what's the phrase, too cute by half? ABC promised a "shocking" incident during the latest installment of the tales of the Wisteria Laners. Technically, they fulfilled their promise. Edie was literally shocked by a damaged power line after she smashed her car into a utility pole in an accident caused by the creepy Orson Hodge. (What's it with this guy and car accidents anyway? Does this mean DH will recycle an old storyline and have Edie be in a coma and lose her memory a la Mike Delfino?)

The official show web site says Edie was "electrocuted by a downed wire" so I guess we're supposed to take it that she's dead. Emphasis on the word "guess," because we all know Nicollette Sheridan is leaving DH at some point soon. But a New York Post writer wonders if this is going to be a not-quite-dead-yet trick. God, I hope not.

I, for one, wanted BOTH Katherine Mayfair and Edie's characters to be shown the exits. I've grown tired of them both. Alas, I think we're still going to have Katherine Mayfair to kick around some more, unless of course psycho Dave "Dash" Williams decides he simply must forge ahead with giving Mike the ultimate payback for accidentally running down and killing Dave's wife and daughter. Hopefully, Mrs. McCluskey will come to the rescue, as the only other person who knows about the fact that Dave lost a child. She's the one character who's remained fairly consistent on this show.

As for the ski-masked Orson, to quote 30 Rock's Liz Lemon, "What the, what?" When we were first introduced to Orson Hodge way back when, I used to routinely refer to him on another blog I was writing at the time as "Creepy Orson Hodge." His whole odd marriage to Bree rested on a bed of lies and weirdness, until Bree discovered the truth (that Orson ran over Mike with his car and put him in a coma), and forced Orson to turn himself in. Post-jail, Orson seemed as though he'd been tamed, like a kind, family dog whose wild, stubborn ways had been curbed. He wasn't so creepy anymore. He was just a guy who would go out to the patio and grill for his guests while drinking a beer. Then the stealing began two episodes ago, (though preceded by an odd incident when he insisted Bree make him a roast in the middle of the night) after he inexplicably demanded to be paid like a partner and grew enormously jealous of Bree's success. Now he's back to being Creepy Orson again. Nice Orson was just a blip apparently.

I am growing weary of this back-and-forth. The Orson-Bree marriage seems to be on the brink of divorce all the time, that is when they're not having sex on the test kitchen's counter, as they did back at the beginning of the season. When Bree rebuffed his demand to sell her lucrative business in order to return to being a housewife (What financial sense does that make, considering the ex-con can't get a dentistry gig?), Orson's now going to run around Wisteria Lane wearing a ski mask and stealing trinkets?

The last item that bugged me was the whole Lucy-taking-over-the-office-like-a-maniac business. She demanded that everyone, including Carlos, start logging all manner of crazy hours, nights, weekend, in order to land a $10 million account. She told employees, like Lynette, that she didn't care what kind of family or non-work commitments they had, they had to cancel everything or forget about keeping their jobs. Meanwhile, Carlos, the boss, cowered and obeyed, putting a huge crimp in his home and sex life. Why? He was the boss. He could've said, "No." At least the writers were wise enough to have Gabby point out that he was repeating the work-a-holic behavior that ruined their marriage the first time around. Somehow, this comment -- plus witnessing lunatic Lucy in action deriding a janitorial worker -- snapped Carlos out of his haze and gave him the stones to finally say, "No" to 24/7 work days.

On a positive note, the best moment from the new episode: Gabby and Tom gossiping over coffee. Loved that scene.

Image credit: ABC.

'Desperate' Mondays: The Story of Lucie and Jessie

So Desperate Housewives last night glossed over the absurdity that was the battle between the depressed Tom Scavo and his wife Lynette after their family pizzeria went belly-up over who should seek a PR/marketing job in order to support their family of four. They just pretended that the whole Tom-guzzling-the-beer-on-the-front-lawn-in-his-bathrobe never happened.

Okay. I'll go along with this just as long as we can pretend that the Lynette of the past two seasons never really happened. If the Lynette character can regain her previous mojo, I'm willing to forget the bad years. Whaddya say DH writers?

But the Orson-is-a-kleptomaniac storyline? I liked him better as a sad little sack of a husband trying to redeem himself after doing time in the Big House. I preferred the middle-of-the-road Orson to the creepy Orson from last season or this new disturbed Orson. What is it with Bree Van de Kamp Hodge that she attracts nuts, like the killer pharmacist and now Orson, who nearly killed Mike Delfino when he intentionally ran him down and has now resorting to stealing things from his neighbor to keep his control freak of a wife unhinged?



Speaking of crazy, please tell me that I didn't witness the foreshadowing of Katherine Mayfair's murder at the hand of Dave Williams on the camping trip? (It was about as subtle as a sledgehammer to the forehead. However if the writers DON'T go down this road, I'll be pleasantly surprised.)

And, I feel compelled to comment on the much ballyhooed gal-on-gal kiss between Gabby Solis and Susan Mayer. What a publicity stunt. A cheap, disingenuous one at that. It reminded me of the misleading promo ABC ran for Brothers & Sisters when they claimed that during the show's two-hour extravaganza would feature a shocking death. That was technically correct, if you go to the Bill Clinton school of what constitutes the truth. Rob Lowe's character Robert McCallister did flatline during a heart attack, but he was revived in the Emergency Room. I felt totally sandbagged again by ABC last night. I think the DH writers are done a disservice by such disingenuous ABC promotions, using the "I Kissed a Girl" tune. . . maybe they need to hire Lynette.

Image credit: ABC.

'Desperate' Mondays: Mamma Spent $

Desperate Housewives' writers deftly told stories about the Wisteria Lane ladies through the lens of economics this week on a very micro scale. 'Twas a very timely, money-centric episode which examined money, or lack thereof, from different perspectives.

On the big bucks, high roller side was Bree Van de Kamp Hodge who -- now that her first cookbook is in its second printing and she's secured a multi-book deal with her publisher -- bought a beautiful new Lexus that can park itself in the driveway and has a mini-fridge which Bree said was big enough for a bottle of champagne, never mind the small detail that Bree's an alcoholic. I suppose it could be sparkling water she places in the fridge . . .

There was also the back-on-top-of-the-world Solis family, complete with Gabby Solis who, much to my chagrin, has returned to her glam designer duds after she pressured Carlos into taking a job he didn't want simply because she wanted money again. (I happened to agree with Edie Britt when she told Gabby that she liked her better when she was poor and paunchy.)

On the just-scraping-by side were Lynette Scavo, who's family pizzeria is faring so poorly that Tom had to sell his midlife crisis mobile for the cash, and Susan Mayer, who wanted to send her son to a private school because he's getting lost academically in his public school, but couldn't afford the recent tuition increase.

I admired the way the writers had Lynette and Susan cope with their financial woes. After Bree insisted on giving Lynette $20,000 (Bree felt badly about gushing over her new ride after learning that the Scavos were broke), Lynette wisely called the money a loan and promised to pay it back. Their brief flirtation with Bree serving as a 15 percent investor in Scavos Pizzeria went over as well as sprinkling heavily processed, powdered Parmesan cheese onto one of Bree's famous four cheese pizzas.



After a silly scene where Susan tried to steal what she thought was a real pearl necklace that Katherine Mayfair received from Mike Delfino, the father of her child who said he was strapped and couldn't afford to chip in any more money for their son's private education, Susan became relentlessly self-reliant. Susan told the school's headmaster that she'd be willing to take a job, any job at the school in order to qualify for half-price tuition for children of employees. Impressed by her pluck, the headmaster offered her a post as a teaching assistant in an arts class, a job for which he said she was overqualified. (Ever notice how we're hardly ever shown Susan at work as a children's book illustrator?)

Did you like this money episode, or are you of the opinion that with all the dire economic news we read and see every day, you don't want to see it in your entertainment?

'Desperate' Mondays: The Best Thing That Ever Could Have Happened

(*Note: I was on vacation last week. The most recent episode was re-aired last night, so it's still a "Desperate" Monday.*)

Put aside the gimmicky camera angle used five times during the most recent Desperate Housewives episode -- where the camera would focus on a wistful looking actress' face then slowly maneuver rotate around the back of her head -- the overall message and anecdotes in the episode demonstrate one thing: The newer episodes (with the exception of Gabby Solis' storyline) have strayed from the original charm of season one.

The new Housewives installment used a new character's death as the launching pad for the Wisteria Lane ladies to reflect upon how this scruffy character -- a handyman named Eli Scruggs (Beau Bridges) who died of a heart attack while working on Susan Mayer's roof -- positively affected their lives.

Gabby recalled how Eli helped get her into the Housewives' exclusive weekly poker game. After she behaved atrociously, Eli told her to snap out of it and apologize. The scene where Gabby, who was new to the neighborhood, apologized for her behavior and admitted she was "lonely all the time" with Carlos' late nights and needed friends, cut to the quick.

Ditto for the Lynette Scavo scene where, after giving birth to her fourth child, she accidentally left the baby in the car because she was too focused on her cell phone call where she was negotiating her return to work. Handyman Eli heard the baby crying -- where the car windows were rolled up -- and took the baby out, returning her to Lynette who was still on the phone. Upon seeing that she'd forgotten her baby because she was distracted by the work call, Lynette seemed shaken. She wore a look with which many harried parents could relate. This was a character with whom parents could identify, unlike the current wretched, Lynette storylines involving crazy murder charges and coercing a twin to impersonate another in court.

Bree too was assisted by Eli when he salvaged the beginnings of Bree's cookbook from the garbage. She'd dumped her notebooks into the trash after her husband Rex dismissed the project as "foolishness," that was after he'd berated her for not having a paying job. Once Rex died, Eli returned Bree's notes to her and the cookbook later became a huge success.

When Desperate Housewives started, it focused on the quietly desperate lives of suburban women who were largely unhappy despite the fact that it appeared to the world as though they had it all in their nice, orderly neighborhood behind the picket fences on Wisteria Lane. It sharply satired perfection, in particular with Bree's character. But these days, the show is all over the place. It does far better when it focuses on smaller stories, like it did in this episode, which I thoroughly enjoyed, particularly for how it closed the loop and showed how Eli got his do-gooder start (a reaction to his failure to help Mary Alice Young on the day she committed suicide when he knew she was unhappy). If the rest of the season follows suit, I'll be a rejuvenated Housewives fan.

Image credit: ABC.

'Desperate' Mondays: Connect! Connect!

A pediatric power struggle.

Gabby versus The Girls.

And the ill-behaved Girls were winning, up until Gabby enlisted her new, deep-voiced gardener to scare her young charges into listening to her, plus do a little vacuuming to make up for their prolonged brattiness.

That was the best storyline in the latest installment of Desperate Housewives, which aired against the Golden Globe awards (and beat them during the 9-10 hour), for which it was up for none of the shiny statues. And after this episode, it's largely clear why not. Except for the Gabby story; Eva Longoria Parker has been sharp this season.

In this fresh episode, Gabby was paying the price for coercing Carlos into taking the six-figure job he didn't want (he wanted to work for a non-profit helping the blind) when he had to go on his first overnight work trip. Without Carlos the Authoritarian around, The Girls flagrantly flouted Gabby's authority, or lack thereof, and pushed her buttons by telling her they loved Carlos more.

In one pathetically amusing scene, Gabby literally dragged her 6-year-old by the arms from the sofa -- where the girl was watching a movie -- across the room and to the stairs in an attempt to make her go up to the bathroom for her bath. In the process, Gabby strained her back. While she was moaning in pain on the stairs, her daughter Juanita returned to the other room to resume her movie.

After two days of insubordinate rudeness, Gabby turned to the gardener, a guy with a very low voice, to yell at her daughters to scare them into obeying. When Carlos came home, Gabby told him if he didn't want her to keep turning to the gardener for discipline, he'd have to be Carlos the Enforcer for the first 15 minutes when he gets home from work each night.

Funniest exchange of the night was between Bree and Orson:

"You know, I'm feeling a bit randy tonight. Whaddya say we make a little love?" Orson asked.

"Well, we've got 15 minutes until the news is on," Bree said. "Why not?"

The Scavo story. Suddenly -- poof! --- no more legal troubles for Porter. The storyline that had been building for weeks was abruptly transformed into a thin device in order to segue into an examination of Lynette's sour relationship with the angry mother she put in a retirement home three years ago. When I think of all the potential the Scavo family had and how the characters have been wasted -- particularly the talents of Felicity Huffman -- I just get sad.

Oh, and stop the presses. Susan Mayer broke up with her absent painter boyfriend. Edie Britt took back Dave Williams, her psycho killer husband (only she doesn't know he's a killer, just thinks he's a wee bit off). Bree Van de Kamp Hodge fought with her son-in-law-to-be over her domineering style. Mike Delfino likes Katherine Mayfair, wait, is Katherine even a main character any more? If I sound a tad bored, it's because I am. This show started off its fifth season by busting down the doors, seemingly rejuvenated. Now, with the exception of Gabby Solis, I feel as though it has lost its way a bit. I hope the writers find the way back. Soon.

Next week's promo indicated that the new episode will be filled with more backstory, from way back, before season one. Maybe they're trying to capture some of that season one magic?

Your thoughts on the latest episode? What did you like/dislike?

Image credit: ABC.

'Desperate' Mondays: Home is the Place

The gals of Wisteria Lane are back from their Christmas hiatus. And back they're back with a . . . whimper. A pathetic whimper.

Seriously, I was sorely disappointed with the fresh episode of Desperate Housewives.

Gabby and Carlos Solis, the comedic shining stars of the show's fifth season were, eh, not a good sign. Now that Carlos has regained his sight, are the writers really going to have the characters slip back into their old ways , returning Gabby to her shallowly materialistic former self? What I've adored about Eva Longoria Parker's character this season is that she's developed a sarcastic, witty sharpness as she awkwardly tossed herself into a new way of life, one not marked by glamour and opulence, but by caregiving. Who knew she had it in her?

By having Gabby pressure Carlos into taking a six-figure job he despised -- he wanted to work at the low-paying community center helping the blind -- and punctuating that decision by having her place shiny, gold shoes into her giant closet, I felt as though the character was going backwards to a time and place when her story was among the least compelling of the Housewives, or minimally tied with Susan Mayer's.

And poor Bree Van de Kamp Hodge was reduced to a caricature of a controlling in-law-to-be -- adding not a hint of irony nor insight into her character -- by engaging in a competition with the nut job mother of her son Andrew's fiance. Buying a house in her pricey neighborhood in order to keep her son in town and away from the loony mother-in-law? And savvy Andrew, who knows his mother all too well, didn't see through it? Come on people, you can do better than this.

The bottom of the barrel, as far as the latest episode was concerned, was Susan's story. The writers appear to be laying the groundwork for having her break up with her lame painter boyfriend (the actor playing him -- Gale Harold -- had a very serious motorcycle accident in October). Susan went clubbing with her neighbor at a gay bar and then, many, many drinks later, fail to recall whether she slept with him. (She didn't and he returned the following day to the home he shares with his partner next door.)

No, wait, I take that back. Susan's clubbing wasn't the absolute worst part of the new episode. That honor belongs to the sad, sad Scavos. Are we really supposed to believe that Lynette Scavo was going to intentionally run down the man who had threatened her son, going all Orson Hodge on him? (Yes, we've already seen someone vindictively run over someone with a motor vehicle in a previous season.)Even if Lynette was simply acting as though she'd kill the husband of her teenaged son's lover in order to coax the teen's location out of his brother, this story is growing more and more absurd. At this point, I have no interest in what happens to the Scavos.

The new year is not off to a roaring start.

Interesting tidbit: Anyone notice that a second Six Feet Under alum appeared in Desperate Housewives this season?

Image credit: ABC.

'Desperate' Mondays: A Vision's Just a Vision

Lynette Scavo and the Scavo family, they're dead to me. The places their storyline is heading no longer hold interest for me. It's not even campy nor does it provide any form of satire. So onto the brighter spots from the last episode of Desperate Housewives:

Carlos Solis has now regained his sight and, in latest episode, could clearly see for the first time in five years how much Gabby has sacrificed for her family, her couture clothing, her $700 shoes, her fine art and pricey possessions. While that may not seem like a big sacrifice in today's climate of losing 533,000 jobs in the month of November, but in terms of Gabby's character giving up everything that meant so much to her -- her beauty, her fashion, her dignity (dancing atop a table in order to get back Carlos' prized Lou Gehrig baseball) -- for her daughters and husband, was a sign of her evolution.

In keeping with her character, I hope that Gabby doesn't return the gorgeous dress Carlos bought for her in recognition of her sacrifices, even though most people in her position (and economic situation) would.

While I continue to despise the Mike Delfino/Katherine Mayfair pairing, I do like the twist the writers put on it this week, showing the impact of their budding relationship through the eyes of MJ, Mike and Susan Mayer's young son. There has always been a lot of bed hopping on Wisteria Lane, but precious little attention has been paid to how that affects the kids of the bed hoppers. Seeing MJ act out -- throwing ice cream sundaes and bowling balls at Katherine -- rang true.

Bree Van de Kamp Hodge continues to surprise me this season. Her reaction to her son Andrew's engagement to a male plastic surgeon (who once did a porn flick to help pay for law school) also showed her character not simply evolving, but staying true to who she's been over the past seasons. The image of Bree in an adult video store: Priceless, without even having to be shown on screen.

Kudos to the writers for the big reveal at the end at the grave site. Dave's character is definitely growing on me, even though his storyline is connected to the Scavos'.

Am I the only one who's really loathing the Scavo family story this season? Thoughts about the Delfino/Mayfair duo?

'Desperate' Mondays: Me and My Town

First some Desperate Housewives love.

I just adore this season's Gabby and Carlos Solis storyline. While still maintaining the characters' integrity (Gabby, while in a lower tax bracket, hasn't lost her lust for all things luxurious), the writers have allowed this couple to evolve and mature in ways that I think are thoroughly entertaining and ring true to who they are.

So when doctors said Carlos could have an operation which could give him his sight back after five years of blindness, it was a brilliant move to have Gabby freak out because she's gained weight after having two kids. (However I must say, that Gabby has the most realistic female form on the show these days and doesn't look heavy to me, as compared to the real women I see everyday. I was noticing last night that nearly every woman on this show now looks gaunt, even former Everymom, Felicity Huffman, who was lookin' scary gaunt.)

The best moment of the latest episode occurred when Gabby came clean and told Carlos she didn't want to let him down when he regained his vision because she'd put on some pounds. Carlos related a beautiful anecdote about how he first fell in love with Gabby during a dinner when she gorged on a plate of ribs, got barbecue sauce all over herself and belly-laughed when Carlos told her she was a mess. During that meal, he said, he knew he wanted to spend the rest of his life with her, listening to her laugh and live life with gusto. In true Gabby style, she replied to the romantic sentiment by saying that she only knew she wanted to spend the rest of her life with him after he related that story, "Up until then it was touch-and-go."

Perfect.

Now for the Desperate Housewives dissin'.

I really dislike the Katherine Mayfair/Mike Delfino story. Zippo chemistry. It's crystal clear that the pairing is just another in a series of road blocks standing in between the inevitable reconciliation of Susan Mayer and Mike. The Katherine character deserves more.

And as for my formerly favorite housewife, Lynette Scavo, she's in danger of becoming a cartoon character. What was once one of the sharpest characters on TV, Lynette is teetering on becoming unwatchable. The latest story about her teenaged son Porter who hooked up with a married mom (and did/didn't impregnate her, don't know if I believe the mom that she's not really pregnant, could be a ploy) who's now being suspected of starting a fire which killed seven, doesn't really move me one way or another. I feel like she was phoning it in.

I'd rather see more of Gabby and Carlos, or even Orson and Bree Van de Kamp Hodge. I was not a fan of Orson when he first appeared on Housewives, but I've warmed to him, and to how he plays off Bree, this season. They've delivered some funny scenes, particularly last night's drugged-up cooking session at the mall and the subsequent visit to the doctor's office. They're on a roll.

Now if only the rest of the Wisteria Lane folks could keep up with the Solises and Hodges . . . .

'Desperate' Mondays (A Tad Late): What More Do I Need

My apologies for the tardiness of this post. My brother and I just threw our mother a surprise birthday party and housed out-of-town guests over the weekend, so this suburban mom was a bit harried over the past few days. Now, onto the haps on Wisteria Lane . . .

Well my prediction that Lynette and Tom Scavo would undergo yet another test of their dedication to one another was quickly debunked at the very beginning of the seventh episode of this season's Desperate Housewives, as Tom told Lynette that he wasn't the one sleeping with the married mother of their teenaged son's best friend. It was their teenaged son Porter who was sleeping with his best friend's mother. (There's a pop song in here somewhere. Or maybe a gravelly country western ballad. Some variation on "Stacy's Mom" who's "got it goin' on.")

But, this being Desperate Housewives, the writers couldn't just marinate in the drama of an underaged kid having an affair with a married mom of a friend. They had to goose it up a bit, tossing into the mix the fact that the mom -- Anne Schilling, played by Gail O'Grady, whom I still see at the NYPD Blue office assistant -- has an abusive husband. Oh, and that she's pregnant. Lynette, who beat up Anne in a bathroom during a break from a PTA meeting -- doesn't yet know that she could potentially become a grandmom sooner than she thinks. Can't wait for that sudsy dramatic goodness to unfold.

Lynette had threatened Porter, telling him if he didn't break it off with Anne he'd be thrown out of the house. Being the good seed that he is, Porter blew off his mother's dictate and went to see Anne anyway. Plans are in the works for the two of them to run away together. What is it with all the teens on Wisteria Lane? In the past several seasons, there's been some serious acting out. Bree Van de Kamp's daughter Danielle got knocked up by her high school teacher then got sent away while she waited out the pregnancy. Bree's son Andrew spent some time living on the streets after he was thrown out of the house. Julie Mayer, Susan's daughter, dated Edie Britt's beer-guzzling knucklehead of a nephew, against Susan's wishes. For such a tony suburban neighborhood, that's a whole lotta teen angst.

While we wait to find out how Marc Cherry & Co. try to concoct a different way to dramatize Lynette's head exploding, I'm interested to see what will happen next with Virginia Hildebrand, the rich client of Carlos Solis who had an orgasm during one of his massages when he was rubbing her back. Clearly lonely and Desperate Housewives' manipulative, Viriginia wanted Carlos as her personal masseuse and opened her estate up to the Solis family, let them use (and abuse) her waitstaff while the family lounged around by the pool, eat lobster and spend a weekend in luxury. (Tangential beef: Why are almost all the older women on this show portrayed as manipulative? There are no normal post-menopausal women on this show. They're all witches. I'm just sayin'.)

However the generosity Virginia exhibited started entering creepy territory when, during the first weekend the Solis family spent with her, she decided to dedicate a room to the Solis girls for when they sleep over there every weekend. Virginia also hopped into bed with Gabby and Carlos while they were watching a movie and later told the girls to call her "Grandma." Why did Gabby and Carlos put up with this odd behavior from "Grandma Nut Job," as Gabby called her? Ten thousand dead presidents were at stake. "We need that money," Carlos said, pleading with Gabby not to mouth off to Virginia, a walking ATM of a client.

The materialistic and frequently shallow Gabby -- who made one of Virginia's servants walk into the pool where Gabby was relaxing on a float in order to hand her a fresh margarita -- responded, "It's not worth it."

Gabby couldn't contain her disgust after the clingy Virginia showed up at the Solis home during a birthday party and said she would wait on the front porch until the party concluded before taking the girls out to buy a doll. Gabby snapped when Virginia wouldn't take, "No" for an answer. "We're not for sale, so back off," Gabby shouted. Spurned, Virginia went home and called the head of the country club which employs Carlos and told him that Carlos had touched her inappropriately during her last massage. Fun times ahead for the Solises.

In other storylines: Bree and Orson Hodge had an amusing story about sex in the test kitchen, which led to the revelation that Katherine Mayfair was also having sex in the test kitchen . . . with Mike Delfino. Oh, and Dave Williams is criminally insane, or so we've been led to believe.

What was your favorite or least favorite moment in the latest DH episode? Predictions (hopefully better than mine) for the Scavos and the Solises?

Image credit: ABC.