'Desperate' Mondays: Connect! Connect!

A pediatric power struggle.

Gabby versus The Girls.

And the ill-behaved Girls were winning, up until Gabby enlisted her new, deep-voiced gardener to scare her young charges into listening to her, plus do a little vacuuming to make up for their prolonged brattiness.

That was the best storyline in the latest installment of Desperate Housewives, which aired against the Golden Globe awards (and beat them during the 9-10 hour), for which it was up for none of the shiny statues. And after this episode, it's largely clear why not. Except for the Gabby story; Eva Longoria Parker has been sharp this season.

In this fresh episode, Gabby was paying the price for coercing Carlos into taking the six-figure job he didn't want (he wanted to work for a non-profit helping the blind) when he had to go on his first overnight work trip. Without Carlos the Authoritarian around, The Girls flagrantly flouted Gabby's authority, or lack thereof, and pushed her buttons by telling her they loved Carlos more.

In one pathetically amusing scene, Gabby literally dragged her 6-year-old by the arms from the sofa -- where the girl was watching a movie -- across the room and to the stairs in an attempt to make her go up to the bathroom for her bath. In the process, Gabby strained her back. While she was moaning in pain on the stairs, her daughter Juanita returned to the other room to resume her movie.

After two days of insubordinate rudeness, Gabby turned to the gardener, a guy with a very low voice, to yell at her daughters to scare them into obeying. When Carlos came home, Gabby told him if he didn't want her to keep turning to the gardener for discipline, he'd have to be Carlos the Enforcer for the first 15 minutes when he gets home from work each night.

Funniest exchange of the night was between Bree and Orson:

"You know, I'm feeling a bit randy tonight. Whaddya say we make a little love?" Orson asked.

"Well, we've got 15 minutes until the news is on," Bree said. "Why not?"

The Scavo story. Suddenly -- poof! --- no more legal troubles for Porter. The storyline that had been building for weeks was abruptly transformed into a thin device in order to segue into an examination of Lynette's sour relationship with the angry mother she put in a retirement home three years ago. When I think of all the potential the Scavo family had and how the characters have been wasted -- particularly the talents of Felicity Huffman -- I just get sad.

Oh, and stop the presses. Susan Mayer broke up with her absent painter boyfriend. Edie Britt took back Dave Williams, her psycho killer husband (only she doesn't know he's a killer, just thinks he's a wee bit off). Bree Van de Kamp Hodge fought with her son-in-law-to-be over her domineering style. Mike Delfino likes Katherine Mayfair, wait, is Katherine even a main character any more? If I sound a tad bored, it's because I am. This show started off its fifth season by busting down the doors, seemingly rejuvenated. Now, with the exception of Gabby Solis, I feel as though it has lost its way a bit. I hope the writers find the way back. Soon.

Next week's promo indicated that the new episode will be filled with more backstory, from way back, before season one. Maybe they're trying to capture some of that season one magic?

Your thoughts on the latest episode? What did you like/dislike?

Image credit: ABC.

'Desperate' Mondays: A Vision's Just a Vision

Lynette Scavo and the Scavo family, they're dead to me. The places their storyline is heading no longer hold interest for me. It's not even campy nor does it provide any form of satire. So onto the brighter spots from the last episode of Desperate Housewives:

Carlos Solis has now regained his sight and, in latest episode, could clearly see for the first time in five years how much Gabby has sacrificed for her family, her couture clothing, her $700 shoes, her fine art and pricey possessions. While that may not seem like a big sacrifice in today's climate of losing 533,000 jobs in the month of November, but in terms of Gabby's character giving up everything that meant so much to her -- her beauty, her fashion, her dignity (dancing atop a table in order to get back Carlos' prized Lou Gehrig baseball) -- for her daughters and husband, was a sign of her evolution.

In keeping with her character, I hope that Gabby doesn't return the gorgeous dress Carlos bought for her in recognition of her sacrifices, even though most people in her position (and economic situation) would.

While I continue to despise the Mike Delfino/Katherine Mayfair pairing, I do like the twist the writers put on it this week, showing the impact of their budding relationship through the eyes of MJ, Mike and Susan Mayer's young son. There has always been a lot of bed hopping on Wisteria Lane, but precious little attention has been paid to how that affects the kids of the bed hoppers. Seeing MJ act out -- throwing ice cream sundaes and bowling balls at Katherine -- rang true.

Bree Van de Kamp Hodge continues to surprise me this season. Her reaction to her son Andrew's engagement to a male plastic surgeon (who once did a porn flick to help pay for law school) also showed her character not simply evolving, but staying true to who she's been over the past seasons. The image of Bree in an adult video store: Priceless, without even having to be shown on screen.

Kudos to the writers for the big reveal at the end at the grave site. Dave's character is definitely growing on me, even though his storyline is connected to the Scavos'.

Am I the only one who's really loathing the Scavo family story this season? Thoughts about the Delfino/Mayfair duo?

'Desperate' Mondays: Me and My Town

First some Desperate Housewives love.

I just adore this season's Gabby and Carlos Solis storyline. While still maintaining the characters' integrity (Gabby, while in a lower tax bracket, hasn't lost her lust for all things luxurious), the writers have allowed this couple to evolve and mature in ways that I think are thoroughly entertaining and ring true to who they are.

So when doctors said Carlos could have an operation which could give him his sight back after five years of blindness, it was a brilliant move to have Gabby freak out because she's gained weight after having two kids. (However I must say, that Gabby has the most realistic female form on the show these days and doesn't look heavy to me, as compared to the real women I see everyday. I was noticing last night that nearly every woman on this show now looks gaunt, even former Everymom, Felicity Huffman, who was lookin' scary gaunt.)

The best moment of the latest episode occurred when Gabby came clean and told Carlos she didn't want to let him down when he regained his vision because she'd put on some pounds. Carlos related a beautiful anecdote about how he first fell in love with Gabby during a dinner when she gorged on a plate of ribs, got barbecue sauce all over herself and belly-laughed when Carlos told her she was a mess. During that meal, he said, he knew he wanted to spend the rest of his life with her, listening to her laugh and live life with gusto. In true Gabby style, she replied to the romantic sentiment by saying that she only knew she wanted to spend the rest of her life with him after he related that story, "Up until then it was touch-and-go."

Perfect.

Now for the Desperate Housewives dissin'.

I really dislike the Katherine Mayfair/Mike Delfino story. Zippo chemistry. It's crystal clear that the pairing is just another in a series of road blocks standing in between the inevitable reconciliation of Susan Mayer and Mike. The Katherine character deserves more.

And as for my formerly favorite housewife, Lynette Scavo, she's in danger of becoming a cartoon character. What was once one of the sharpest characters on TV, Lynette is teetering on becoming unwatchable. The latest story about her teenaged son Porter who hooked up with a married mom (and did/didn't impregnate her, don't know if I believe the mom that she's not really pregnant, could be a ploy) who's now being suspected of starting a fire which killed seven, doesn't really move me one way or another. I feel like she was phoning it in.

I'd rather see more of Gabby and Carlos, or even Orson and Bree Van de Kamp Hodge. I was not a fan of Orson when he first appeared on Housewives, but I've warmed to him, and to how he plays off Bree, this season. They've delivered some funny scenes, particularly last night's drugged-up cooking session at the mall and the subsequent visit to the doctor's office. They're on a roll.

Now if only the rest of the Wisteria Lane folks could keep up with the Solises and Hodges . . . .

'Desperate' Mondays (A Tad Late): What More Do I Need

My apologies for the tardiness of this post. My brother and I just threw our mother a surprise birthday party and housed out-of-town guests over the weekend, so this suburban mom was a bit harried over the past few days. Now, onto the haps on Wisteria Lane . . .

Well my prediction that Lynette and Tom Scavo would undergo yet another test of their dedication to one another was quickly debunked at the very beginning of the seventh episode of this season's Desperate Housewives, as Tom told Lynette that he wasn't the one sleeping with the married mother of their teenaged son's best friend. It was their teenaged son Porter who was sleeping with his best friend's mother. (There's a pop song in here somewhere. Or maybe a gravelly country western ballad. Some variation on "Stacy's Mom" who's "got it goin' on.")

But, this being Desperate Housewives, the writers couldn't just marinate in the drama of an underaged kid having an affair with a married mom of a friend. They had to goose it up a bit, tossing into the mix the fact that the mom -- Anne Schilling, played by Gail O'Grady, whom I still see at the NYPD Blue office assistant -- has an abusive husband. Oh, and that she's pregnant. Lynette, who beat up Anne in a bathroom during a break from a PTA meeting -- doesn't yet know that she could potentially become a grandmom sooner than she thinks. Can't wait for that sudsy dramatic goodness to unfold.

Lynette had threatened Porter, telling him if he didn't break it off with Anne he'd be thrown out of the house. Being the good seed that he is, Porter blew off his mother's dictate and went to see Anne anyway. Plans are in the works for the two of them to run away together. What is it with all the teens on Wisteria Lane? In the past several seasons, there's been some serious acting out. Bree Van de Kamp's daughter Danielle got knocked up by her high school teacher then got sent away while she waited out the pregnancy. Bree's son Andrew spent some time living on the streets after he was thrown out of the house. Julie Mayer, Susan's daughter, dated Edie Britt's beer-guzzling knucklehead of a nephew, against Susan's wishes. For such a tony suburban neighborhood, that's a whole lotta teen angst.

While we wait to find out how Marc Cherry & Co. try to concoct a different way to dramatize Lynette's head exploding, I'm interested to see what will happen next with Virginia Hildebrand, the rich client of Carlos Solis who had an orgasm during one of his massages when he was rubbing her back. Clearly lonely and Desperate Housewives' manipulative, Viriginia wanted Carlos as her personal masseuse and opened her estate up to the Solis family, let them use (and abuse) her waitstaff while the family lounged around by the pool, eat lobster and spend a weekend in luxury. (Tangential beef: Why are almost all the older women on this show portrayed as manipulative? There are no normal post-menopausal women on this show. They're all witches. I'm just sayin'.)

However the generosity Virginia exhibited started entering creepy territory when, during the first weekend the Solis family spent with her, she decided to dedicate a room to the Solis girls for when they sleep over there every weekend. Virginia also hopped into bed with Gabby and Carlos while they were watching a movie and later told the girls to call her "Grandma." Why did Gabby and Carlos put up with this odd behavior from "Grandma Nut Job," as Gabby called her? Ten thousand dead presidents were at stake. "We need that money," Carlos said, pleading with Gabby not to mouth off to Virginia, a walking ATM of a client.

The materialistic and frequently shallow Gabby -- who made one of Virginia's servants walk into the pool where Gabby was relaxing on a float in order to hand her a fresh margarita -- responded, "It's not worth it."

Gabby couldn't contain her disgust after the clingy Virginia showed up at the Solis home during a birthday party and said she would wait on the front porch until the party concluded before taking the girls out to buy a doll. Gabby snapped when Virginia wouldn't take, "No" for an answer. "We're not for sale, so back off," Gabby shouted. Spurned, Virginia went home and called the head of the country club which employs Carlos and told him that Carlos had touched her inappropriately during her last massage. Fun times ahead for the Solises.

In other storylines: Bree and Orson Hodge had an amusing story about sex in the test kitchen, which led to the revelation that Katherine Mayfair was also having sex in the test kitchen . . . with Mike Delfino. Oh, and Dave Williams is criminally insane, or so we've been led to believe.

What was your favorite or least favorite moment in the latest DH episode? Predictions (hopefully better than mine) for the Scavos and the Solises?

Image credit: ABC.

'Desperate' Mondays: There's Always a Woman

Poor Lynette Scavo.

At least once a season, it seems, Lynette suspects her husband Tom is having an affair, or is having some sort of relationship-altering break-down. Remember that wretched Nora character a few years ago, who was killed during the made-for-sweeps-week grocery store shooting, who'd had a relationship with Tom that pre-dated Lynette and yielded a child named Kayla? Lynette, who'd initially suspected Tom of going to back his old flame, had to then suffer under the torment of Kayla, until Tom finally agreed with Lynette that the girl was troubled and needed to be sent away. (During that same time-frame, Lynette almost had an affair with a Scavos' employee.)

Over the past few episodes of this fifth season of Desperate Housewives, Tom started a garage band, bought an expensive mid-life-crisis mobile, wanted to sell the family restaurant (for which Lynette left her ad exec job to help him run) in order to take a year-long RV tour, and then signed a lease without consulting Lynette for space for his crappy mid-life-crisis band. The latest episode portrayed Tom acting even more immaturely by hiding out from Lynette -- leaving her with restaurant work and parenting to do all on her own -- and playing video games at the band's playing space until the wee hours of the morning.

Throughout the show, it was suggested that Tom was up to more than simply being a childish idiot, particularly when he spied a condom wrapper on the floor of his band's practice space and hid it from Lynette. It was only at the tail-end of the episode that viewers learned that one of Tom and Lynette's teenaged sons was having an affair with a woman old enough to be his mother. But because Tom's been lying and sneaking around, Lynette thinks it's Tom having the affair.

It's enough to make you feel utter fatigue for Lynette, formerly my favorite character on TV. We've been down the I-don't-trust-Tom road before. That's so season two. While the teenage son having an affair with an older woman is a different twist for the Scavos (thought May-December trysts have been done in season one with Gabby and the gardener, and with Danielle Van de Kamp and her high school teacher), I'm growing weary of seeing Lynette jumping to conclusions and having to go through the same, old tired arguments with Tom.

What I did find fresh and new in the latest episode was the Gabby & Carlos Solis story, where Carlos inadvertently gave a rich older client Virginia Hildebrand (played by Six Feet Under's Frances Conroy) an orgasm when he massaged her back. This led to Virginia offering Carlos $50,000/month to accompany her to Europe for a few months. With giant dollar signs in her eyes, Gabby was initially on board with this arrangement . . . until she learned about the orgasm. Her ire was cooled, however, when Virginia offered to take Gabby and the girls to Europe as well, and to pay off Gabby with couture.

This has snappy satire written all over it. The character with the funniest story arc and wittiest lines, by far, is Eva Longoria Parker's Gabby. Neal McDonough's Dave Williams, as Edie Britt's husband, has also added some much-needed spark to Wisteria Lane with his character's mysterious backstory and odd antagonism with Karen McCluskey.

As for the other stories this week -- Susan Mayer's on/off affair with the goofy painter and Katherine Mayfair's fling with the ex-con organ thief -- eh, I'm not too interested. I want more Gabby, more Dave and more authentic Lynette (say, from season one and early season two).

Thoughts on the Lynette-Tom tension? Is it a tired storyline? What's ahead for Gabby and Carlos as they enter into business with Virginia?

Image credit: ABC.