Tuesday, November 11, 2008

'Desperate' Mondays (A Tad Late): What More Do I Need

My apologies for the tardiness of this post. My brother and I just threw our mother a surprise birthday party and housed out-of-town guests over the weekend, so this suburban mom was a bit harried over the past few days. Now, onto the haps on Wisteria Lane . . .

Well my prediction that Lynette and Tom Scavo would undergo yet another test of their dedication to one another was quickly debunked at the very beginning of the seventh episode of this season's Desperate Housewives, as Tom told Lynette that he wasn't the one sleeping with the married mother of their teenaged son's best friend. It was their teenaged son Porter who was sleeping with his best friend's mother. (There's a pop song in here somewhere. Or maybe a gravelly country western ballad. Some variation on "Stacy's Mom" who's "got it goin' on.")

But, this being Desperate Housewives, the writers couldn't just marinate in the drama of an underaged kid having an affair with a married mom of a friend. They had to goose it up a bit, tossing into the mix the fact that the mom -- Anne Schilling, played by Gail O'Grady, whom I still see at the NYPD Blue office assistant -- has an abusive husband. Oh, and that she's pregnant. Lynette, who beat up Anne in a bathroom during a break from a PTA meeting -- doesn't yet know that she could potentially become a grandmom sooner than she thinks. Can't wait for that sudsy dramatic goodness to unfold.

Lynette had threatened Porter, telling him if he didn't break it off with Anne he'd be thrown out of the house. Being the good seed that he is, Porter blew off his mother's dictate and went to see Anne anyway. Plans are in the works for the two of them to run away together. What is it with all the teens on Wisteria Lane? In the past several seasons, there's been some serious acting out. Bree Van de Kamp's daughter Danielle got knocked up by her high school teacher then got sent away while she waited out the pregnancy. Bree's son Andrew spent some time living on the streets after he was thrown out of the house. Julie Mayer, Susan's daughter, dated Edie Britt's beer-guzzling knucklehead of a nephew, against Susan's wishes. For such a tony suburban neighborhood, that's a whole lotta teen angst.

While we wait to find out how Marc Cherry & Co. try to concoct a different way to dramatize Lynette's head exploding, I'm interested to see what will happen next with Virginia Hildebrand, the rich client of Carlos Solis who had an orgasm during one of his massages when he was rubbing her back. Clearly lonely and Desperate Housewives' manipulative, Viriginia wanted Carlos as her personal masseuse and opened her estate up to the Solis family, let them use (and abuse) her waitstaff while the family lounged around by the pool, eat lobster and spend a weekend in luxury. (Tangential beef: Why are almost all the older women on this show portrayed as manipulative? There are no normal post-menopausal women on this show. They're all witches. I'm just sayin'.)

However the generosity Virginia exhibited started entering creepy territory when, during the first weekend the Solis family spent with her, she decided to dedicate a room to the Solis girls for when they sleep over there every weekend. Virginia also hopped into bed with Gabby and Carlos while they were watching a movie and later told the girls to call her "Grandma." Why did Gabby and Carlos put up with this odd behavior from "Grandma Nut Job," as Gabby called her? Ten thousand dead presidents were at stake. "We need that money," Carlos said, pleading with Gabby not to mouth off to Virginia, a walking ATM of a client.

The materialistic and frequently shallow Gabby -- who made one of Virginia's servants walk into the pool where Gabby was relaxing on a float in order to hand her a fresh margarita -- responded, "It's not worth it."

Gabby couldn't contain her disgust after the clingy Virginia showed up at the Solis home during a birthday party and said she would wait on the front porch until the party concluded before taking the girls out to buy a doll. Gabby snapped when Virginia wouldn't take, "No" for an answer. "We're not for sale, so back off," Gabby shouted. Spurned, Virginia went home and called the head of the country club which employs Carlos and told him that Carlos had touched her inappropriately during her last massage. Fun times ahead for the Solises.

In other storylines: Bree and Orson Hodge had an amusing story about sex in the test kitchen, which led to the revelation that Katherine Mayfair was also having sex in the test kitchen . . . with Mike Delfino. Oh, and Dave Williams is criminally insane, or so we've been led to believe.

What was your favorite or least favorite moment in the latest DH episode? Predictions (hopefully better than mine) for the Scavos and the Solises?

Image credit: ABC.

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