My Collection of Humor/Parenting Columns Now Available in E-Book Format

*Originally published on the Picket Fence Post*

If you or someone you know is in the midst of raising kids, particularly young ones, someone who could use a big glass of wine and a belly laugh or two, I have a suggestion: A Suburban Mom: Notes from the Asylum freshly released in digital format.

If you have a Kindle, Nook or another kind of e-reader you can download my collection of 76 humor/parenting columns onto which I've added a new introduction reflecting on how much has changed in the past five years since the book was first published . . . like the fact that I don't write about potty training anymore, have ditched my minivan, haven't bought diapers since the Red Sox won the World Series in 2004 and haven't had to call the nice Poison Control folks in many years to report that one of the kiddos has eaten something unspeakable, like cat vomit.

The book was described by my publisher, Wyatt-MacKenzie, thusly:

"A glimpse into the mind of a laid-back yet stressed-out, insecure, sleep-starved, TV-obsessed, news junkie, Generation X parent navigating the labyrinth of modern parenthood with three young children including a set of twins. From critiquing fashionistas who try to convince the pregnant public to buy maternity thongs and discussing whether at-home moms have sold out their feminist sisters, to tackling topics such as how to have a sex life while three kids are pounding on their parents' locked bedroom door, how to look cool while driving a minivan (a clue: you can't) and what happens when a toddler eats trash, O'Brien's collection of 76 columns illustrates how parents are living their lives in the real American suburbs, not in the white picket fenced world portrayed in fuzzy, honey-hued greeting card ads."

The web site Cool Mom Picks wrote about the book:

"O'Brien's writing is funny and real, whether she's questioning the practicality of certain maternity clothes (leopard print thongs?!); venting about the zillions of pieces of kids' toys that are constantly landing underfoot (like 'tiny plastic grenades'); or describing a game of Candy Land with her family (when NO ONE wants to land on Lord Licorice).

I found her book to be as effective as one of those marathon bitch-and-laugh sessions with another mom: it kept me laughing, even through the madness."

In a review on the web site Literary Mama, Heather Hudson wrote:

"With a healthy dose of pathos, she manages to capture the befuddlement that comes with trying to parent in the face of the opposing demands of children and lurid temptations like fast food and the veritable buffet of kids' television programming. Like many of us, she makes laborious, whole food dinners only to have them resounding rejected in favor of mac and cheese, and she takes a stab at cleaning the house despite the fact that it's routinely dismantled while she dashes to the bathroom. She and her husband even try that staple recommendation of women's magazines -- daytime sex -- while the kids are otherwise occupied. Awkward. And funny.

. . . A Suburban Mom: Notes from the Asylum is an easily digestible, worthy distraction from the chaos of our lives. It has just the right amount of validation that we're all feeling our way blindly through this motherhood gig. There's something about sharing another's experience as she botches it up too that makes us feel like we're all more or less qualified. Even when we find our child coated in blue marker."

The publication ForeWord said:

"This book's short essays will appeal to harried mothers looking for relief from the sometimes claustrophobic world of parenting young children. In A Suburban Mom, readers will find both humor and reprieve from the outside world's view on their daily lives."

Image credit: Barnes and Noble.

Literary Mama Reviews 'Suburban Mom'

The brainy literary web site for mother's, Literary Mama, just released a lengthy review of my book, A Suburban Mom: Notes from the Asylum, my collection of humor columns which inspired this blog.

Reviewer Heather Hudson wrote:

"Writing about challenges with children is tougher than it seems. Ignore the universality of a situation and the stories become self-indulgent and better suited to the family scrapbook. Go too deep and you risk alienating readers who are simply looking for a little escape and camaraderie over a cup of coffee. There is a fine balance.

One writer who comes close to finding the right mix of angst and humor is Meredith O'Brien. In her book, A Suburban Mom: Notes from the Asylum, a collection of columns written when she was raising three children (including twins) under five, she provides quick-and-dirty snapshots into her efforts to parent conscientiously through incessant demands

. . . In this collection, O'Brien adroitly handles the balance between relating what could have been tedious anecdotes about the specific frustrations and joys that come with three young children and offering a universal message. With essay titles like 'The Scrapbooking Cult' and 'To Yell, Perchance to Scream,' it's easy to picture O'Brien as one of your funniest friends, the one who can make you laugh through your tears and shore you up with the all-important validation that you're not alone."

Image credit: Literary Mama.

'National Security Mom' Author Q&A

*Cross-posted on the Picket Fence Post.*

A U.S. intelligence officer and terrorism expert with decades of experience, Gina M. Bennett, a mom of five, wants us to think of national security, terrorism and foreign policy issues in an entirely different way: From the perspective of a mother who’s raising her children.

Teach your children that, at the end of the day, telling the truth is always better than lying. Stand up to bullies and don’t allow them to define who you are. Pick up your own messes. Choose your friends wisely. Always try to understand why your child’s doing something obnoxious/irresponsible/insane/irrational so that you can try to figure out a way to try to stop or dissuade her from doing that in the future.

Bennett’s book, National Security Mom: Why ‘Going Soft’ Will Make America Strong, reminded me of that old Robert Fulghum book, All I Really Need to Know I Learned in Kindergarten. Only its focus is on parenting and national security. Everything Bennett says she needed to know about that subject, she learned from her family.

Bennett recently fielded questions from me about her book (published by the woman who published my book, FYI) and about national security and parents, as we prepare to go the polls and pick a new president in a few weeks:

Meredith O’Brien, Suburban Mom: Why did you write this book and for whom did you write it?

Gina Bennett, author of National Security Mom: After 20 years of countering terrorism from inside the covert world of the Intelligence Community, I came to realize that the most powerful weapon America can wield in this fight is the courage of the American people. For years, my colleagues and I have worked daily to collect intelligence, uncover plots, identify key leaders and figure out how to stop terrorists from carrying out their attacks. But no matter how hard we work, there will be times when terrorists will succeed in getting past our security efforts. But when that happens, it does not have to mean that America was defeated. As long as Americans stand united in the aftermath of such a tragedy and refuse to change because of it, the terrorists are the ones who will be defeated.

Terrorists don’t seek death and destruction alone. They want to use the horror of their attacks to shake our faith in our form of government. If we remain committed to our democratic principles and ideals, we rob them of their attempted victory over us and undermine their future influence. The men and women in government can’t do this alone. Every American is our partner, and I wrote this book to convey that message. I also wrote with parents, and especially mothers, in mind because I felt the national security debate was overwhelmingly dominated by “insider” jargon that left many parents feeling like outsiders. But you don’t have to understand all the intricacies of the intelligence, law enforcement and military efforts in countering terrorism to be an informed participant in the national security debate.

O’Brien: How did you come up with the idea of blending the notion of parenthood and national security?

Bennett: My life for the past 15 years has been a blending of the two. From the moment I brought my first son home from the hospital — in the middle of a blizzard only to have a drive-by shooting in my neighborhood leave bullet casings in my driveway - my two worlds of security-building have been one. At home, I have worked every day to secure my family’s health, welfare, happiness and faith. At work, I have tried to secure America by stopping terrorists.

Over time, I came to realize that what I was doing at work was only a small piece of securing America. When I thought more deeply about the ways in which I secure my family, I realized the “softer” or more tangible aspects of my family’s security were the more challenging ones to acquire. Ensuring my husband and I show love and respect to each other and our children through all the tough times, for example, is remembering to lock the doors at night. I believe our national security has a “softer” side too. It involves demonstrating commitment to America’s principles when challenged and when we are afraid. These more intangible aspects of security are just as important as building the world’s strongest military and most capable intelligence apparatus.

Read the rest of the interview at the Picket Fence Post.

Got a Toddler? Get This Book!

When I finished reading Stefanie Wilder-Taylor's book, Naptime is the New Happy Hour and Other Ways Toddlers Turn Your Life Upside Down I found myself wishing that I'd either had this book or hung around with people like Wilder-Taylor when my twins were toddlers. It would've made my life a heck of a lot more fun.

The book -- the sequel to Sippy Cups Are Not for Chardonnay and Other Things I Had to Learn As a New Mom -- is a snarky compilation of essays about being a parent of a toddler today, in the age of the hyper-intensive mother. She provides advice about how to be sure you (not your toddler) is compatible with the parents of your kid's new playdate friend (she suggests gauging the reaction of the parents to swearing or drinking wine), as well as down-to-earth observations on the whole pre-school application process.

Wilder-Taylor answered five of my questions about the book and about raising toddlers on my Picket Fence Post blog.

Image credit: Simon & Schuster.

Summer Books: Dangerous Boys/Daring Girls

School's out in most places, which means, across the fruited plain, one plaintive whine will be heard every hour or so, "I'm booorrred!"

An easy way to answer that whine: Toss 'em a pocket copy (hot off the presses) of the best selling books The Dangerous Book for Boys or The Daring Book for Girls and tell 'em to go play. (Just keep your ears on alert for words like, "slingshot" and "bow and arrow.")

I asked my twin 10-year-olds -- a boy and a girl -- to go through each book and highlight what he or she liked or disliked. The results were posted in an interview on the Picket Fence Post.

Image credit: Daring Girls web site.

Do You Fear UNDER-spending on Your Kids?

Do you fear under-spending on your kids? Pamela Paul, author of Parenting, Inc. thinks you are.

In fact, she says the guilt associated with worrying that if you don't shell out hundreds of dollars for Hummer-like strollers, thousands for classes for babies and infants on sign language and how to speak Mandarin Chinese, and don't get the very best of everything (no matter your economic situation) that your kid won't have the same edge as her peers is propelling parents to be fearful of under-spending. And therefore to spend wildly.

I interviewed the author about her new book, discussing everything from today's parents' safety mania and dismissal of previous generations' parental advice, to the impact of celeb parent spending on children's fashion to the average parent and whether hiring consultants to help you raise your kids will make your kids question your competence.

The Q&A is posted on the Picket Fence Post blog. The book, by the way, is an eye-opener.

Image credit: Pamela Paul, Times Books.

'Three Martini' Author Does It Again With Etiquette Book

Any reader of this blog will know I have a literary crush on humorist Christie Mellor. I've written at length about her Three Martini Playdate series, particularly their witty, in-your-face realism as they urge parents to chill the heck out.

Well Mellor is at it again. Instead of writing for parents of grade schoolers, her new book, Were You Raised By Wolves? is aimed at twentysomethings as they prepare to start their lives as newly-minted adults. Think of it as a hip etiquette book.

Mellor -- a fellow Mommy Track'd contributing writer -- kindly answered my questions about her book. I've posted the Q&A on my new Wicked Local Parents blog, entitled the Picket Fence Post.

While you're on the site, feel free to mosey on over to the Parents and Kids Magazine section and read my latest column about the ridiculously insane (I mean, seriously insane) beauty regiments some parents are having done for their very, very young daughters.

Parenting Madness Across the Pond

So it’s not just Americans who have lost all sense of perspective when it comes to parenting. The Brits are nutty too.

A few years ago, author Judith Warner wrote Perfect Madness: Motherhood in the Age of Anxiety, about how affluent American mothers were slowly losing their grasp on reality in order to attempt to be “perfect” and to, essentially, envelop their offspring in bubble wrap and then, ironically, unhealthily wrap their own lives around their children’s.

Now we learn, according to Meg Sanders and Annie Ashworth, authors of The Madness of Modern Parenting, that it's not just an American problem. After interviewing parents, teachers, psychologists and doctors, Sanders told the Manchester Evening News that: “. . . [T]hey were seeing a great upsurge in neurotic, hyper-parenting which comes out of over-anxiety and competitiveness. Parents are constantly feeling judged, and that breeds insecurity.”

Among the great examples quoted by the Evening News was from a section of the book – no, I haven’t read it yet – entitled “School Life: Forgery and Fraud,” about parents who just can’t let their own kids do their own homework: “Teachers aren’t stupid. That’s why they write WDM very small at the bottom of the page of homework – Well Done Mum.”

(Image from Amazon.com.)

Daring Book for Girls: Author Q&A

Earlier this year, the book, “The Dangerous Book for Boys” made national best seller lists. Its call for boys to start being precocious, uncoddled and un-bubble-wrapped resonated with many parents who are loathe to slip into the role of helicopter parents.

But while many of us took comfort in seeing a book filled with instructions on how to do traditional activities for boys spotlighted, there was definitely a question left hanging: What about the girls? Authors Miriam Peskowitz and Andrea Buchanan teamed up and filled the void, publishing, “The Daring Book for Girls.” The two kindly answered some questions about the book and why it’s important to give girls back their girlhood.

Meredith O’Brien, blogger: So the book, “The Dangerous Book for Boys” was a rousing success. Made best seller lists. Garnered national media mentions. Did you feel like the girls needed a book of their own so they could live on the “dangerous” side of life as well? Why did you put this book together?

Miriam Peskowitz, co-author: Absolutely! When we saw, “The Dangerous Book for Boys,” we had two responses: Cool book, and where are the girls? Twenty-first century girls need a book to guide them through the years of girlhood.

Andrea Buchanan: Yeah – and while there are certain things in the boys’ book that our daughters loved and wanted to do, girls have a history of their own, and we wanted to honor that.

O’Brien: While flipping through this book, it brought back a treasure trove of memories for me, memories of slumber parties (chanting, “Light as a feather, stiff as a board”), playing Chinese jump rope and four-square on the playground, making a “God’s eye” at camp. Was a lot of this fueled by nostalgia?

Peskowitz: No, we’re not nostalgic types. Including those memories was fueled by our conviction that the traditions of girlhood matter, that these are important things that should be remembered and passed on. Sometimes the things girls do, like Chinese jump rope, are seen as marginal, while things boys do, marbles, for example, are tagged as retro and important. Some of that old girl stuff is incredible, and it was fun to include it with all sports like basketball and darts, and with all the activities.

Buchanan: Some of the entries were a trip down memory lane, but many of those topics were brought starkly into the present as we looked at girls today and how they play. Hand-clap games, for instance, I never taught my daughter how to do them, and yet she knows. Girls on the playground still play these games, so even though they seem nostalgic to us, they’re still relevant and important to girls today.

O’Brien: What’s your favorite activity in “Daring?”

Peskowitz: My favorite changes every day. Today’s is “Lamp, Lantern, Flashlight.” It’s all about electricity and making circuits. It uses some D-cell batteries and a small light bulb, a stretch of copper wire and some electrical tape. I had fun with this because electricity is so mystifying. When I worked on this chapter, I learned a great deal about circuits and batteries. Electricity isn’t a traditional girl thing, now is it? But my older daughter and I like doing these kinds of projects, and one of her babysitters, a young woman named Rachel, used to bring the makings for various electrical activities when she came over.

Buchanan: It’s hard to pick just one favorite! The tiny chapter on learning how to whistle with two fingers was very fun to research and practice (if possibly a little annoying for anyone around me listening to my attempts at perfecting a piercing, cab-hailing whistle).

O’Brien: The entries seem like a blend of general knowledge (explaining the Bill of Rights, Robert’s Rules of Order and a section on state capitols), and information that emphasizes girl power, like the section on famous queens of the ancient world, female world leaders and how to be a spy. What were your criteria when selecting what activities you included in the book?

Peskowitz: Great question. We tapped into the big question, "What should a girl know?" and we sought out answers that nobody's had before. The book's eclecticism is great. We really like the surprises of the mixture. We had fun combining things that usually don't come together, like the rules of bowling next to a story about an ancient queen, or yoga next to silly pranks like making fake blood and short-sheeting a bed. There are lots of different girls out there, and we wanted "Daring" to feel like a home for all of them.

Buchanan: We both really just love knowing stuff, and we think girls do, too – it's empowering to know how to do things, and it's empowering to know information, history, facts, and interesting, sometimes obscure bits of lore. We tried to compile a really wide-ranging selection of chapters so that every girl could read the book and discover something she hadn't known before.

O’Brien: What’s been the reaction of your own daughters?

Peskowitz: They love it.

Buchanan: My daughter already tagged the book with post-its, noting which pages she likes best (no surprise, the only vaguely sporty chapter she's into is tag!). She's tremendously proud of the book -- but she was really annoyed that we hadn't included "Because of Winn Dixie" in the chapter on, "Books That Will Change Your Life"! We got into a nice discussion of what books mean to people because of that.

Book Event: Bellingham Barnes & Noble Tuesday, July 10

If you’re up for some literary book talk with Massachusetts authors – including yours truly – I’ll be appearing on a panel with four other writers on Tuesday, July 10 at 7 p.m. at the Barnes & Noble Booksellers in Bellingham, MA.

I’ll be talking about why I wrote The Book (A Suburban Mom: Notes from the Asylum) reading an excerpt and then signing copies afterward for any kind souls who wish to have copies signed.

(To read some reviews and comments about The Book, check out the right-hand column on the blog.)

E-mail Meredith

'The Three-Martini Family Vacation' Author Q&A

As faithful readers of this blog and my Parents and Kids columns know, I’m a huge (embarrassingly huge) fan of the book The Three-Martini Playdate. It’s a tongue-in-cheek call for parents to chill the heck out, to stop centering their lives solely around their young charges and to just act like adults for gosh sakes. And if the adults have a little fun while sipping a martini every once and while, well that’s just fine with the author.

In fact, witty author Christie Mellor has a new book out, The Three-Martini Family Vacation, a series of essays on how to survive traveling with children, recreating with children (and without) and how to survive extended visits from family and friends. Mellor has kindly obliged me by answering five questions about the book and her work. Here are the questions and answers:

Meredith: You provided some very funny family vacation tips, ranging from how to survive flights with young children, to how to muster up vacation-like excitement in one's own backyard. What's your favorite "travel with kids" tip?

Christie Mellor, author of The Three-Martini Family Vacation: One of my favorite -- completely real and very useful tip -- is the “King or Queen for a Day” idea. Traveling with kids can often lead to disagreements over who wants to do what, and when — but if every family member has a chance to be King or Queen for a day, the dissention disappears like magic. Everyone has a chance to plan at least one vacation day, making a list of things they want to do -- within reason, of course --and everyone else has to go along with it.

This started with a visit to San Francisco to see my dad; my husband has very specific things he likes to do there, so he came up with this idea. When you are doing someone else’s dream day, you can anticipate your own, and it can be a surprise how much you end up enjoying someone else’s day. If you are a family of four, and you aren’t going to be anywhere for four days, well, get creative and divide up the days between two or more family members. The point is, the vacation isn’t planned entirely around the children and their perceived needs; Mom and Dad get to do what they want to do, too.

Meredith: You skewered kid-centric, theme park vacations as very, shall we say, unfun. I loved your piece of advice, "If all else fails, bring a flask! Adding a fine vodka to your juice box helps cut the sugar and imparts a general feeling of well-being when faced with giant walking plush toys, dancing bears, and talking cartoon figures, apparitions that can be a little unnerving . . . in a state of sobriety."

Tell me what you REALLY think of Disney, and whether you think it'd be improved by selling Absolut at the concessions stand.

Mellor: First of all, whatever I may or may not add to my juice box, some of the suggestions in my book are, shall we say, meant in fun. Not all of them. I am dead serious about most of them. However, in all seriousness I would not encourage thousands of sun-stroked, exhausted parents to start swilling vodka in the middle of the Country Bear Jamboree just before they hop on the Indiana Jones Roller Coaster. Disneyland probably has a very good reason they don’t serve hard alcohol, for the clean-up factor, if nothing else.

Meredith: I loved the essay in your book about coping with a parent who stays with your family for an extended visit. How did you get away with being so, uh, HONEST about your experiences with your mother-in-law? To get over her tension, hovering and unsolicited advice, you suggest plying mothers-in-law with Manhattans.

Mellor: Oh, dear, your readers are going to think that all my advice entails heavy drinking. However, in this case it really worked. I actually ran that piece by my husband, since it does concern his mother. He approved wholeheartedly, and I believe he considered it a tribute, of sorts. His mother passed away a few years ago, which is how I got away with it. Although I fully expect her to show up on my sofa any day now, with her crossword puzzle and a pout on her face, having heard through the celestial grapevine of the homage. But seriously. Poker and a cocktail. Fun for the whole family.

Meredith: You lampoon holiday family letters, particularly letters accompanied by photos of children dressed in plaid. What's the most obnoxious holiday card you've ever received?

Mellor: It really has more to do with who is sending you the card. One couple we know always puts their only, perfect child -- and his faithful hound -- on their holiday card. We know this child to be insufferable and annoying, so it’s always a good chuckle to get the yearly card.

Usually it’s the most horrible child you know, and there he is, alone on the card, in a red suit and a plaid vest. The lengthy, chipper, overweening newsletters are, at this point, such an object of mockery I can’t believe people still write them, but there you go. Intimate, personal details of people’s lives, sent out for the entire world to see.

Meredith: Do you ever get grief from people over your sarcasm, particularly in light of the "Today Show" hullabaloo over moms who had cocktails during playdates?

Mellor: You know, that was almost me on that “Today Show” segment, which sounded like a real ambush. I think one of the reasons I ended up not being on, was because in the pre-interview I guess I didn’t talk about alcohol enough. Look, it’s a metaphor, people. Just adding a pitcher of cosmos to your playdates is not going to help you be a more relaxed parent; if you are still ferrying your children to nineteen enrichment classes a week and catering to their every whim, adding alcohol to the mix will only make you a very busy drunk.

The point is, make your children be a part of the family, not the tiny suns around which you all revolve. It will be better for the family, and better for your children. And if you enjoy the occasional cocktail, then send the kids into the other room (encouraging them to happily play by themselves) and enjoy some well-earned grown-up time. And then read my books!

E-mail Meredith

(Image from Christie Mellor's web site.)

Three for Thursday: Grapes, Judy Blume and School Parties

Item #1: Uttered in My Kitchen

Uh-oh. A grape fell in my pants.

(Sadly, this was not uttered by myself or The Spouse in a moment of wry, naughty fun.)

Item #2: I Must, I Must, I Must Increase My . . .

. . . reading list for the summer.

In addition to the material I must read for work purposes, a book arrived in the mail the other day that made me feel all girlish inside: Everything I Needed to Know About Being a Girl I Learned from Judy Blume. It’s a collection of 21 essays from women of a certain age (like my thirtysomething age bracket) about the influential role Blume books played in their childhoods.

These books were instrumental in my life. For example, my two best friends in grade school and I formed a club similar to Margaret’s in “Are You There God? It’s Me Margaret.” Although I cannot recall if we actually did the breast increasing exercises (“We must, we must, we increase our bust.”), I know that I did plead with my mom to take me out to the local department store — Steiger’s — for my first grow-with-you bra, even though I didn’t really need it.

That seems so innocent now, and unlike today, where there are thongs in girls’ departments.

Item #3: End of School Madness

I keep getting confused. Whose end-of-the-year school party is on Friday? Jonah’s or Abbey’s?Is it at 9:30 or 9:45? (For Casey’s class party, which was held earlier this week, I signed up to bring juice boxes, and found myself posting reminder notes everywhere so I wouldn’t forget.)

And I think I’m supposed to pick up a Box o’ Joe from Dunkin’ Donuts for the party tomorrow morning — for one of those two kids’ classes — but I have to find out the correct time because nothin’ will tick off parents at a lively end-of-the-year class party than havin’ the person bringing the coffee to be tardy.

At least I did remember to mail my contribution for the teacher gifts to the “room parents” last week so they can made a grand presentation at the parties. And I already wrote the thank you notes for the teachers saying that I appreciate them for not killing or maiming my children during the school year. Sent them in the kids’ backpacks today.

I just need to remember that I have a parent-teacher conference with Casey’s teacher this afternoon . . . and that Abbey has soccer practice tonight, where I’m assistant coaching. Does Jonah have a baseball game, where The Spouse is assistant coaching? Casey’s game, where The Spouse is ALSO assistant coaching, was postponed the other day due to rain, but I don’t know if it’s been re-scheduled.

Please pardon me while I crawl back into bed and pray for the school and athletic year to be over so we can put an end to all the parties, practices and games, and I can spend the summer trying to work from home while the kids harass me that they’re soooo bored.

E-mail Meredith

(Image from Amazon.com.)

The Madness of the Youth Sports Complex . . . Plus Tips for Mom Coaches

Right now, I’m in a conundrum. My twin 8-year-old second graders want to play soccer in the fall. They’ve been playing soccer since they entered kindergarten. But next season, the only soccer teams in town for their age group travel. Yes. Travel. In third grade. To various communities, some of which are over a 45-minutes-plus drive away. And with a third kid (in kindergarten) who also wants to play a fall sport as well, I’m facing the prospect of:

• Sucking it up and signing my twins up for soccer and never seeing half of my family each Saturday of the fall because The Spouse and I will be driving all over eastern Massachusetts, gobbling up gas, hurting the environment (hey, did the travel team advocates ever think that they’re promoting gas consumption?), dragging our youngest rugrat along with us, and be literally driven mad by our kids’ participation in pre-mature travel competition.



• Not signing them up for travel soccer, thus forcing them to drop out of soccer altogether because I’ve been informed that there is no in-town option for those who wish to have a modicum of sanity in their family lives.



• Lobbying my town to offer an in-town soccer league for third graders so 8- and 9-year-old soccer players and their families don’t have to travel. (But the chances of that happening are as likely as Lindsay Lohan joining a temperance movement, or Rosie O’Donnell doing the keynote speech at a Republican National Convention.)

While I try to figure out how my family will deal with travel soccer, I asked youth sports expert Brooke de Lench — author of Home Team Advantage: The Critical Role of Mothers in Youth Sports (Harper Collins 2006) and founder/editor-in-chief of MomsTeam.com – five questions about moms and sports:

Suburban Mom: Why were you compelled to write a book urging moms to start signing up as coaches for their children’s teams?

Brooke de Lench, author of “Home Team Advantage:” Because I am convinced that the solution to the youth sports crisis is not to ask parents to sign a code of conduct but to challenge the status quo in a new and different way: By creating a balance in youth sports between the values and attitudes of men and women and in the process restoring mothers to their natural role as guardians of children at play.

Suburban Mom: What advice would you give to moms who feel as though they must be experts in a sport — or have experience playing — in order to volunteer for youth coaching? Some moms feel as though they have to prove themselves both with their knowledge and athletic prowess in order not to be seen as simply “team moms” who provide snacks.

De Lench: Identify the sport you are interested in coaching. Chances are that it will be the sport that you son or daughter is playing, or interested in playing. But remember that coaching your own child presents special challenges: Your child may feel pressure to perform well and you may find separating your role as parent from your role as coach a fine line to tread. In the end it may be fine when your child is young, when the emphasis is on skill development and having fun, and where equal playing time is – or at least should be – the norm, but harder at more advanced, competitive levels, when it will be hard to be the perfect, impartial, neutral coach, as if it wasn’t your daughter, no matter hard you try.

Learn everything you can about the sport: Talk to other coaches, ask them how they run their practices and if they can suggest drills that you can use, attend high school and college games, watch instructional videos, read up on the history of the sport, its rules, and its culture. The Internet is a great place to find information. Every sport has a national governing body that maintains a website which is likely to provide links, resources, and other guidance on how to become a coach.

Take coaching classes. Find out on the Internet when coaching classes are being held in your area for the sport in which you’re interested. Ask the coordinator of your town club whether they will pay for you to attend. For instance, the four-hour course for the lowest level soccer certification offered by the Massachusetts Youth Soccer Association (Class G) costs $30.00. When you have a coaching license or certificate, it is much harder for the powers-that-be to turn you down for a coaching position.

Become certified in first aid, CPR and the use of an automatic external defibrillator (AED). Sign up for sports safety training for coaches offered by the American Red Cross and the National Center for Sports Safety (www.sportsafety.org)

Become an assistant coach, co-coach, or team administrator (aka “Team Mom”) first. If you don’t think you are ready to be a head coach of a team, ask a veteran or retired coach if he or she will mentor you, or, better yet, co-coach.

Suburban Mom: How do you see mom coaches changing the culture of the youth sports system, given that dad coaches run many of these leagues and some folks are resistant to moms in coaching positions?

De Lench: It won’t be easy, but it can be done if enough moms have the courage to challenge the status quo. More and more mothers are former high school and college athletes, having grown up since the 1972 enactment of Title IX, the federal law mandating that girls be given the same athletic opportunity as boys, so the old argument that they don’t know enough about sports to qualify moving from the stands to the coaching sidelines or on to a club’s board of directors simply doesn’t hold water anymore.

If more and more mothers become coaches and administrators, I am convinced that they can dramatically improve the culture of youth sports, inspiring coaches, parents, athletic directors, school boards, and local and national youth sports organizations to do more to keep children safe, to balance competition with cooperation, and to think of sports not just as a place to showcase the gifted and talented but as a place where all children can begin a love affair with sports and physical exercise to last a lifetime, instead of ending, as is too often the case, in early adolescence.

Suburban Mom: You advocate that parents try to curtail the influence the youth sports complex has on our children at very young ages. How can parents do that when, in some highly competitive communities, if they don’t enroll their children in all sorts of camps and leagues all year long, their kids will be placed on less competitive teams or won’t even make some teams?

De Lench: There is no evidence that a child who specializes in one sport before the age of twelve or participates in a select sports program will end up being a better athlete as a teen or an adult. Up to sixth grade (around age 12), the emphasis should be on having fun and skill development.

If the sports programs in their town don’t follow a no-cut, equal playing time philosophy for kids before sixth grade, parents need to lobby to change the program. The reason so many kids burn out and quit sports at around age 12 and suffer so many overuse injuries is because they are pushed too hard, too fast. Parents have to have the courage to just say no to select teams and early specialization. They will be doing their child a huge favor if they do. The cream will rise to the top if parents just sit back a little and let the passion shine through the kids.

Suburban Mom: What are your thoughts on young children’s travel leagues, where children have to be driven to other communities for games? What’s the right age for travel teams?

De Lench: I am adamantly opposed to travel leagues before sixth grade because they put way too much emphasis on competition and winning at too early an age which can not only interfere with healthy child development but with player development as well. Before grade six, then, a child is far better off playing in a low-pressure environment that emphasizes skill development and having fun than in an environment that stresses winning and intense competition such as characterize today’s travel/select programs.

One of the worst byproducts of the travel/select team system is that it creates groups of haves and have-nots. Too much of a community- or club-based program’s resources (best practice times, facilities, coaches) end up being devoted to the travel teams, leaving only the crumbs for the kids who supposedly aren’t good enough to be selected and are relegated to the less-prestigious recreational or intramural programs. In addition, less affluent families who cannot afford the cost of expensive travel teams are shut out.

Because athletic success involves multiple factors, including genetics, mental attitude, access to training, and money, any attempt to predict future achievement based on how skilled your child is at age nine, ten, or eleven is likely to be futile. The sad but unfortunate fact is a child who appears to exhibit athletic talent at an early age – a so-called early bloomer – enjoys advantages that can continue long after peers have caught up and, in many cases, passed him in terms of skill proficiency. This needs to change. In fact I am certain that many of the best athletes in the country never made it past the 10th grade cuts.

E-mail Meredith

(Image from Amazon.com.)

Book Signing Thanks, Mother's Day Postmortem

The “A Suburban Mom: Notes from the Asylum” book signing on Saturday at Tatnuck Bookseller in Westborough, MA went well, in spite of my fears that it would be just me, and a pile of books, looking pathetic. And lonely.

I got to meet fellow Boston area mom blogger Chicky Chicky Baby, and frequent blog commenter Angela in person. (It’s surreal to meet folks with whom you’ve only enjoyed a virtual relationship.)

Thanks to my friends and family, a decent number of books were sold. (There are still a handful in the bookstore bearing my John Hancock-like signature if ya hurry.) ‘Twas a good day, particularly when The Spouse cracked open a bottle of champagne afterward to celebrate my first, official book signing.

As for Mother’s Day – the holiday which I maligned last week – I got to celebrate with my own mom at my house on Saturday with a casual cook-out. On Sunday morning, I was greeted at 8:30 a.m. (they let me sleep!) by Jonah who proceeded to read me a series of knock-knock jokes from a book. He was joined by Casey about 10 minutes later who snuggled next to me. A few minutes later, Abbey invited us all to the kitchen table for green pancakes (green being my favorite color), fresh fruit and coffee in a Rosie the Riveter mug, along with sweet cards and a business-related gift that kind of frightens me: A Blackberry.

After church, the five of us went to my sister-in-law Ellen’s house for a barbecue, celebrated Mother’s Day with my mother-in-law and, during post-meal family frivolity, I accidentally hit Ellen in the neck with a Nerf football, shortly after The Spouse hit Ellen’s preschool-aged daughter in the head with the same football. (FYI — The Spouse and I were playing catch with everyone, not simply winging footballs around the yard trying to knock down unsuspecting relatives.)

The day was capped off by Jonah’s sleepwalking – he was sobbing and crying while turning on all the lights in his brother’s room, then started an argument with me — and two depressing TV shows. On Mother’s Day evening, the last thing I wanted to see was a “Desperate Housewives” where (*spoilers ahead*) Lynette is suspected of having cancer and then a “Brothers & Sisters” episode where one half of a set of premature twins dies in his mother’s arms.

Talk about a downer. Geez.

E-mail Meredith

Three for Thursday

I know, I’ve been remiss in blogging over the past few days. I blame my overstuffed burrito of a schedule which, this week, has included: Kids’ soccer practices, baseball/T-ball practices and games, writing assignments, an unexpectedly unwieldy family heritage homework assignment for my second graders that requires that we exhume our ancestors in order to ask them what their favorite foods and traditions were and whether they ever sang “Yankee Doodle Dandy” while eating American cheese, an unexpected dinner with a family member from Philly, “24” (curses those evil-doers!), correcting students’ papers, the Red Sox, Mother’s Day, door-to-door solicitors that won’t take no for an answer, global warming and Sheryl “Spare a Square” Crow.

Plus I’m out of coffee. I’d venture down to my neighborhood Dunkin’ Donuts for my fix, but then I might run into that Sox fan who taunted my 5-year-old a few weeks ago because my son was wearing a Yankees hat. (Remember that guy who, a few commenters and e-mailers suggested that if I were a good parent I would’ve hunted down in the parking lot and threatened with a plastic coffee stirrer a la Jack Bauer?)

Aaannywaay . . . here are three for Thursday:

Item #1: Rotten Kids on the Playground

In honor of my foul mood today, I thought I’d mention this darkly sarcastic blog entry from Motherhood Uncensored: A mom kvetches about parents who don’t reprimand their offspring when they are ill-behaved or hurt other children while on the playground. Warning, this site has some, er, interesting artwork on its banner (i.e. – condoms) so make sure no supervisors (that includes the pediatric kind) are around when you read the entry.

Item #2: Motherhood Manifesto on a PBS Station Near You (If You’re Lucky)

I wrote about a new documentary “The Motherhood Manifesto” — which examines the status of American mothers and families when it comes to public policies, childcare and employment — for Mommy Track’d a few weeks ago, when the only way to watch it was to buy the DVD through the advocacy group Moms Rising. But now many PBS stations have signed on to air the documentary in honor of Mother’s Day. Click here to find out when and if the documentary is airing on your local PBS affiliate.

Item #3: Mother’s Day Stinks

Okay, maybe I’m still reeling from my lack of caffeine . . . no, wait a second. It’s not the lack of caffeine that’s prompting me to write those un-American words, “Mother’s Day Stinks” (I wanted to use stronger language, but I’m trying, mostly in vain, to be at least somewhat classy.) I’ve long hated Mother’s Day because of the enormous pressure it puts on the mothers, who are actively being moms to little heathen-like creatures, to treat the veteran moms like royalty. We already honor our mothers and grandmothers on their birthdays and their wedding anniversaries and work hard to pick out perfect gifts for Christmas/Hanukkah . . .

I have a column in The Book (*shameless self-promotion ahead*), “A Suburban Mom: Notes from the Asylum”) entitled, “Mother’s Day for Those Who Need It” where I gripe that the moms who need the day off the most — the ones with wee little children and who aren’t getting any sleep — are the same ones who are, right now, racing around town trying to find the right present for their mothers, mothers-in-law and grandmothers, PLUS making sure that there’s some sort of celebratory meal planned.

A friend of mine – who shall remain nameless because she fears getting excommunicated by her mother-in-law – said to me today: “Let’s call it what it is. It’s a day for People Who Used to Mother.”

That being said, of course I’ll be thrilled to see YOU Mom, at the book signing on Saturday (in Westborough, MA at Tatnuck Books). But don’t expect my house to be clean when we go back there after the event. I’ll try to have some eats available that won’t send you to the ER with food poisoning. But one thing’s for certain. There will be coffee, and, if you’re on your best behavior at the book store, perhaps a cocktail.

E-mail Meredith

Three for Thursday

Item #1: Show Me the Money

According to an analysis by Salary.com, the work that at-home moms provide for their families would earn them $138,000 per year in the marketplace, Reuters reported. The Salary.com folks say they came up with this figure because they believe at-home moms do 10 jobs including: Housekeeper, cook, day care center teacher, laundry machine operator, van driver, facilities manager, janitor, computer operator, chief executive officer and psychologist.

“The typical mother puts in a 92-hour work week . . . working 40 hours at base pay and 52 hours overtime,” Reuters said.

Item #2: Speaking of Mothers. . .

The New York Post ran a piece this week entitled, “Mothers Grim,” which said that moms are usually the saddest people in the house. Citing a national poll of 1,000+ mothers, the Post said that 47 percent of the moms reported that they were “the least happy person in the household. Husbands, sons and daughters accounted for 70 percent of the votes for ‘happiest’ family members.”

The reasons for the sadness: Stress and not enough time to do everything.

Item #3: Hot Moms Club Picks “A Suburban Mom: Notes from the Asylum” As a Good Mother’s Day Gift

I kid you not.

First the nomination for “hottest mommy blogger” last week. Now this.
Stefanie Wilder-Taylor, author of Sippy Cups Are Not for Chardonnay and Hot Moms Club editor, included “Suburban Mom” on her list of good books to buy for moms with ‘tudes.

“Anyone with kids will relate to Meredith’s sense of fun and want to immediately set up a playdate with her,” Wilder-Taylor wrote.

E-mail Meredith

Save the Date: May 12 Book Signing in Westborough, MA

I’ll be doing my first official book signing in a real store the day before Mother’s Day at the Tatnuck Booksellers & Café (That means there’s food people! And coffee!) on Saturday, May 12 at 1 p.m.

I’ll be reading some essays from “A Suburban Mom: Notes from the Asylum” and signing copies (*shameless self-promotion* which could make for good, personalized Mother’s Day gifts).

The book store is in Westborough, which is west of Boston, off of Route 9. (Directions here.)

Come on out. I’d love to meet you . . . that way the family members I’ve coerced into attending won’t feel so lonely.

E-mail Meredith

Daddy Needs a Drink: Q&A with Robert Wilder

Robert Wilder, author of Daddy Needs a Drink, is akin to David Sedaris for the parenting set. His collection of essays, subtitled, “An Irreverent Look at Parenting From a Dad Who Truly Loves His Kids – Even When They’re Driving Him Nuts,” is light, honest and entertaining. And Wilder was kind enough to field some questions from me about the book, writing and dads:

Boston Mommy Blog: What prompted you to start writing essays about your two children, Poppy and London?

Robert Wilder, author of Daddy Needs a Drink: I’d been a writer and teacher for fifteen years here in New Mexico but I mostly wrote fiction. As I watched my kids grow, I saw dramatic things happen to them and me both internally and externally so I started jotting them down in my notebook. I thought that the stories I wrote would be for them when they grew up or maybe my dad but as I shared them with friends, I saw that others enjoyed them as much as I did or they were just being nice or drunk (or both).

Boston Mommy: You’re really honest about your parenting here. You wrote about your truly awful – though hilarious — experiences dressing up in costumes to please your children (as well as using said costumes to exact comedic revenge against a former pain in the neck student of yours). You dedicated a whole chapter to your son’s use of a colorful word and another on how you used to subject friends and family to your daughter’s singing and dancing routines. Were you ever concerned that people would criticize you or your choice of topics?

Wilder: I think if you choose to write about anything — lost love in Lapland or bodily fluids in Boise — you open yourself up to criticism. Part of being a writer is taking that risk so I suppose I was ready in a sense. My goal in writing the book was to try to accurately represent all the emotions (good, bad, and ugly) that go into being a parent. I think being a parent of young kids and a teacher of teenagers prepared fairly well more since I’m used to some sort of criticism on a daily basis. Mostly it’s about my haircut or bad fashion sense but my skin is pretty thick (and smooth because I just shaved).

Boston Mommy: Your chapter on traveling solo on an airplane with your children prompted this question: Do you think that fathers get more or less slack than moms when it comes to this parenting business? Why?

Wilder: I think we are attracted to the exotic. There are far more moms than dads out there being roadies for their kids so people notice more. We don’t gasp when we see a hamburger on a menu but we would if we saw braised horsemeat. I’m not saying that dads don’t work hard at being decent parents (I’m also not equating dads with horsemeat), but sometimes moms don’t get the respect they deserve because we’re accustomed to them in that role. That being said, I also think dads don’t get respect for things they do well like providing, barbecuing, and purchasing large flat panel televisions.

Boston Mommy: You were brutally funny about a friend’s pair of boys Mark and Mikey, one of whom you likened to a mini Telly Savalas. You spun tales of these two terrorizing other children, pooping on a slide in the middle of a backyard birthday party, running down kids with a motorized kid car and ransacking a sacred burial ground during a family vacation. Are their parents now your former friends, or did they find your pieces entertaining? Or do they not know about those essays?

Wilder: The family in that story are still our friends, and they see those tales as comic representations of that time in all of our lives. Let’s face it: some kids are wild enough to eat glass but that doesn’t mean they’re bad kids. My brother and I sent each other to the hospital more than once, and we’re both fairly decent citizens. I think a lot of parents look at their life and parenting as a work-in-progress and that’s okay. We’re all trying to do our best.

Boston Mommy: There was a dust-up earlier this year over a pair of “Today Show” segments about “cocktail playdates,” the name the news producers gave to gatherings where parents have an adult beverage while their children play. Stefanie Wilder-Taylor, author of "Sippy Cups Are Not for Chardonnay," and Suburban Bliss blogger Melissa Summers were criticized for going on national television and admitting to imbibing alcohol in front of their children and while taking care of their children. Aside from the title, your book features a cocktail with a teddy bear stirrer and refers to beer as “12 ounces of liquid Prozac.”

What’s your take on the “Today Show” flap over parents and drinking? Do you think this was a tempest in a teapot?

Wilder: Even though we’re not related, Stefanie Wilder-Taylor represented Wilders well by looking great on television and making a funny joke that cracked the studio up. I think the whole issue is to be an adult about any of those issues whether it’s drinking around kids or letting your toddlers watch The Wiggles until their eyes glaze over. If you’re at home and not driving, it’s fine to have a beer outside with your kids as they play “Bratz in da White House” and you watch the sunset with your friends. Parents are under enough pressure without someone saying they can’t have a glass of wine around children. Does anyone tell dads not to dress up like football players on Sundays or use power tools around the kiddies? Hell no!

Boston Mommy: Anything else you wanted to mention?

Wilder: People can check out the “news” section of www.robertwilder.com for more information on my “Daddy Needs Your Stories” Father’s Day contest or read the new ridiculous reading guide I wrote for the paperback version of Daddy Needs a Drink. Cheers!

E-mail Meredith

Three for Thursday

It’s school vacation week. We’ve had mostly cruddy weather here in the Northeast. Snow. Driving rain. Wind. The Spouse kindly worked from home to watch the three rug rats one day so I could go to work and discuss journalism with my students.

Meanwhile, my trio have spent most of their vacation time either hounding me while I’m trying to work or engaging in battles for control over everything (the remote control, Legos, books, toothpaste, etc.). And I’m starting to get that pre-summer vacation panic that parents who work from home experience around this time of year.

On top of that, today The Girl has a consultation with a second orthodontist to see if it’s really necessary for her to be outfitted with a metal contraption in her mouth for the next year, and whether The Spouse and I really have to cough up one of our kidneys in order to pay for it (we’ll be offering up part of our lungs when it comes time for both of the twins to have braces at the same time when they’re 12).

Thus, I bring my harried mood to my weekly Thursday round-up:

Item #1: Daddy Needs a Drink

I’ve been reading Daddy Needs a Drink, by Robert Wilder. And I’ve been laughing. Out loud. (And not just because I’m overtired and undercaffeinated.) I’d definitely recommend this collection of essays for any dad (or mom) with a sense of humor. I’m going to see if I can wrangle Wilder to do a Q&A with me about his book. If you’ve got any suggestions for questions, post ‘em below.

Item #2: Ronald McDonald-Breastfeeding Brouhaha

Did you hear about the recent breastfeeding dust-up at the Houston Ronald McDonald House, the place where parents with very sick children stay while their children are receiving medical care? Well a mom of a 17-month-old wanted to nurse her child, who’d been undergoing treatment for a brain tumor, in a common area. But some people were offended by her breastfeeding, prompting a staffer to ask the mother to go someplace private to nurse. The story has grown as blogs have been picking it up. Today’s New York Times had a big piece on it.

I know some people get uncomfortable when toddlers are nursed, but honestly, can’t you just turn away and not look? I see plenty of things that make me uncomfortable on a daily basis, but I’m not going to demand that they be removed from my sight. By this logic (that breastfeeders should have to retreat in shame) the next time I see someone in a really bad outfit in a restaurant, or I see someone chewing with their mouth open, or cannot help but overhear a really insipid conversation between nitwits, should I get up and demand that a restaurant manager make them stop or do whatever they’re doing in private because I’m offended, even though they’re not hurting me or directing any of their behavior toward me?

Item #3: Mommies All Over the Boob Tube

The San Francisco Chronicle has an interesting piece about the portrayal on moms on TV, focusing on the new comedy, “Notes from the Underbelly,” based on the book by my fellow Mommy Track’d writer Risa Green. The show’s cute. It has potential. I’m just waiting for it to really spread its wings and fly if ABC displays enough patience. When I look back at the first few episodes of “Sex and the City,” they weren’t the best, most crisply episodes the show had to offer over its run. That series needed a little time to blossom. That’s what I hope happens with this one.

E-mail Meredith

Cool Mom Picks features ‘A Suburban Mom’

Who knew that the phrase “cool mom” and The Book would be used in the same sentence?

The fabulous ladies at Cool Mom Picks have featured “A Suburban Mom: Notes from the Asylum” on their blog.

Here’s what they say about it:

“O’Brien’s writing is funny and real, whether she’s questioning the
practicality of certain maternity clothes (leopard print thongs?!); venting
about the zillions of pieces in kids’ toys that are constantly landing underfoot
(like “tiny plastic grenades”); or describing a game of Candy Land with her
family (when NO ONE wants to land on Lord Licorice).

I found her book to be as effective as one of those marathon
bitch-and-laugh sessions with another mom: it kept me laughing, even through the
madness.”

If you want to win an autographed copy, jump on over to Cool Mom Picks for details.

E-mail Meredith

(Image from Cool Mom Picks.)