'The Kids are All Right:' Parents are Parents

The Spouse kindly agreed to accompany me to the movies last week where I dragged him to see The Kids are All Right, the new Annette Bening, Julianne Moore, Mark Ruffalo flick.

By the time we left the theater, we were convinced that the whole point of the film was this: Regardless of the fact that the main couple was comprised of two women who had raised two children, ages 15 and 18 (they each got pregnant with donor sperm from the same guy), their gender didn’t really matter all that much. What DID matter most was the fact that raising children changed their relationship, challenged it and sometimes obscured the romantic partners’ ability to see one another as they really are, not simply a collection of assorted weaknesses and flaws that can prove irritating.

In my pop culture column this week I wrote about the commonalities I felt I had with the film’s characters, saying, “. . . I felt as though I was observing some of the similar challenges facing my marriage to my husband being played out on the silver screen, witnessing the inevitable scars child-rearing, and life in general, can cause to a relationship.”

'Parenthood' Muses on Working Parenthood & Grandparents with Financial Woes

Parenthood has been on the uptick these days – with the exception of the fact that, no matter how much I’ve tried to forget that Lauren Graham played Lorelai Gilmore, I just can’t (her character went out with her daughter's English teacher, went back to school as an adult, has daughter who, according to previews, falls asleep with a guy overnight just like Lorelai's daughter did in a gazebo that looks like it was lifted from the Stars Hollow town green).

Part of the reason why I’ve been enamored of the drama as of late is its treatment of working parenthood, which it addressed in two recent episodes, the latest of which I lauded in my Pop Culture column on Mommy Tracked.

The writers have also, FINALLY, started paying some attention to the grandmother, Camille, who’s been largely wallpaper up until the last episode. (Episode recap is up on CliqueClack TV.)

HSM Hype . . . Startin' Early

While I was in a movie theater last weekend to see Sex and the City, I nearly walked into this huge cardboard display (pictured on the left) promoting High School Musical 3: Senior Year. Which premieres. In theaters (unlike the other two movies which were solely for the small screen). In late October. Four months from now.

Isn't this in-theaters promotion a tad early?

My daughter is an enthusiastic HSM aficionado. Her 9th birthday party last year was scheduled around the world premiere of HSM 2. Her room is decorated with a large HSM poster and other assorted paraphernalia.

But hyping a film four months in advance? You're going to make everyone -- specifically parents of tweens and teens -- sick of HSM 3 before it's even released. Trying NOT to drive parents crazy with over-hype, it could be the start of something new.

Do You Fear UNDER-spending on Your Kids?

Do you fear under-spending on your kids? Pamela Paul, author of Parenting, Inc. thinks you are.

In fact, she says the guilt associated with worrying that if you don't shell out hundreds of dollars for Hummer-like strollers, thousands for classes for babies and infants on sign language and how to speak Mandarin Chinese, and don't get the very best of everything (no matter your economic situation) that your kid won't have the same edge as her peers is propelling parents to be fearful of under-spending. And therefore to spend wildly.

I interviewed the author about her new book, discussing everything from today's parents' safety mania and dismissal of previous generations' parental advice, to the impact of celeb parent spending on children's fashion to the average parent and whether hiring consultants to help you raise your kids will make your kids question your competence.

The Q&A is posted on the Picket Fence Post blog. The book, by the way, is an eye-opener.

Image credit: Pamela Paul, Times Books.

Midweek Funny: Lifetime's 'Mommy Madness' Shorts

Normally, I don't turn to Lifetime for satire (although the network does air repeats of Grey's Anatomy, Desperate Housewives and Medium, shows which occasionally make incisive observations about modern parenting). But when I stumbled across the series of 16 video shorts on the Lifetime web site I was surprised to find myself laughing out loud at several of them.

The "Mommy Madness" short videos star Angela Hoover -- a Las Vegas mom of two who kind of reminds me of Tina Fey -- and lampoon everything from kids' birthday party gift bags, getting the house to oneself (best line in the "Mommy Time" video is, "Leave me the F alone") and the difficulty of trying to shop with very small children in tow.

My favorites videos were "We Want Gift Bags" (posted above), the parody of kids' themed bedrooms in "Theme Room Envy" and "My Kids Won't Eat!" about trying to "trick" the kids into eating healthily.

Four for Friday: Baby Mama, Mystery Reader, Election Fun/Star Wars style and Baseball Rain Delay

Item #1: Baby Mama

Went to see the new comedy flick "Baby Mama" with a gal pal last week. We laughed. We cried. A good time was had by all . . . particularly in the brew pub afterwards where we watched the end of the Red Sox game while having adult beverages. I sing the praises of comedic talent Tina Fey in "Baby Mama" in my film review here.

Item #2: Mystery Reader

I got an early morning e-mail from the Youngest Boy’s room parent one morning this week asking me if I wanted to visit my son’s class and serve as the class Mystery Reader (a parent who surprises the class by showing up to read a book). At 9 a.m.

I had two columns due that afternoon and other work to which I had to attend, but seeing as though I hadn’t yet been a Mystery Reader in his classroom thus far this school year – though I did help with the class “winter holiday” party – maternal guilt set in. I agreed.

Carrying our hardcover copy of Officer Buckle and Gloria, I was greeted by my son’s teacher in the hallway outside of the classroom. She told me that the children would be back shortly. They'd been chosen to sing a song in the school library as part of a daily, building-wide, closed-circuit broadcast of the "Morning Messages." I plopped down on one of those tiny little chairs that I was certain would crash to the floor as soon as I lowered myself into it and watched the TV mounted on the wall above the black board come alive with the image of an awkward group of first graders singing a rendition of the “Bingo” song. In the corner of the screen, off to the right side, I saw my boy, looking dumbstruck and singing. Kind of. Or at least he was mouthing some of the words, although he did clap vigorously when the song called for it. But what surprised me was how little and how very young he looked. “He won’t be like this for long,” I thought.

After I read the book to the group, which seemed to go over well, the kids eagerly showed me the slimy-looking tadpoles that had just arrived in their classroom this week and were busy darting around a fish tank. All I could think was, "How many of these little guys will make it out alive?"

Item #3: Election Fun . . . 'Star Wars' Style

So this presidential election is going on . . . and on . . . and on. In December, conventional wisdom said that Sen. Hillary Clinton was the prohibitive favorite to win the Democratic presidential nomination. Then the caucuses and primaries began and Sen. Barack Obama’s campaign caught fire and he became the favorite to snag his party's nomination. Then came the dust-up with Obama’s former pastor and Clinton's recent string of wins, and now Obama doesn’t look so strong, or so favorite. The whole thing just looks like one big political mess.

But big political messes make for exciting political news and great cable TV news ratings. And, may I add, great political parody, including this "Star Wars"-style parody I discovered on the Huffington Post. It’s nakedly pro-Obama, assigning him the role of Luke Skywalker while Clinton is Darth Vader and her husband is the Emperor. Regardless of your political party or whether you have a candidate of choice in the Democratic race, I'll bet you find this pretty entertaining. My Eldest Son, a "Star Wars" aficionado, laughed out loud, even though he didn't get half of the political jokes.

Item #4: Rain Delay

Irony of the week: At 7 p.m. on Friday, I was just finishing up making a late dinner for the family. The Spouse and the Youngest Son were still at the Youngest Son’s season opening baseball game. In the rain and cold.

To help pass the time while I tidied up from the aftermath of my cooking, I flipped on NESN, the Boston area cable network that carries Boston sports, and, most importantly, Red Sox games. Only the Red Sox game was in rain delay. Meanwhile my son’s 6- and 7-year-old Little League game in a greater Boston suburb, however, was still ongoing.

My Take on the Miley Thing

My daughter adores Miley Cyrus. Has Hannah Montana pictures on her bedroom wall, T-shirts in her dresser drawer, TV show on the DVR and CDs playing constantly. Together, the two of us went to see the 3-D movie -- about her concert tour -- earlier this year.

So it was with a heavy heart that I informed her yesterday morning, before she could hear through the rumor mill, about what happened with her idol and that now-infamous Vanity Fair photo session. Boiled down to its essence I told her: The adults behaved irresponsibly and should've protected a minor from taking such provocative photos at the age of 15.

For my full response, check out this post on the, oh-so-cleverly-named Picket Fence Post where I wrote an open letter to the folks at Vanity Fair.

What do you all think of this controversy?

Catchin’ Up: Kid Liars, Breastfeeding in the Funny Pages, Going Green and More

New York Magazine has been on a roll lately. They’ve been producing one provocative parenting piece after another. The latest was a recent cover story about why kids lie to their parents. And they do. Lie. All the time. (Without impugning anyone specific, I can say that I speak from experience on this subject.)

I felt great despair as I read through the article, wondering what, if anything, can be done about pint-sized tellers of tall tales . . . until I arrived at the end of the piece and found some pointers which included:

-- Don’t dissuade your kids from tattling because they’ll internalize the message that they can’t come to you with their problems. This will become habitual and, when they’re teens they won’t tell you one of their buddies has been getting loaded every weekend. Or driving drunk. Or other delightful stories.

-- As maddening as it may be, the article says, let your kids argue their points, even if you have no intention of giving into their demands: “In families where there was less deception . . . there was a much higher ratio of arguing and complaining. The argument enabled the child to speak honestly. Certain types of fighting, despite the acrimony, were ultimately signs of respect – not of disrespect.”

So when my Eldest Son is bitterly complaining about how I’m on a multi-year campaign to ruin his life and embarrass him with my mere existence, I can take comfort in the fact that by letting him prattle on, I’m encouraging him to, according to the article, be more honest?

Breastfeeding in the Funny Pages

The “Stone Soup” comic recently had a storyline featuring a new mom who was discretely nursing her baby at a restaurant and was asked to leave because her breastfeeding offended the man who was “nuzzling a buxom bimbo half his age.” Kudos to cartoonist Jan Eliot. Keep fighting the good fight.

Going Green

Ever since my children commenced their formal education, I’ve been on an anti-paperwork kick, frequently complaining that I feel as if I'm under an unrelenting siege from school paper with which I absolutely cannot keep up, no matter how many dead presidents I waste on containers and organizers.

My February Parents and Kids column was yet another volley in my anti-paper campaign, where I lament how my kids’ schools had been resistant to the notion of going paperless and hadn’t been accepting of the notion of sending me school notices, permission slips, et al, by e-mail, so they don’t wind up in massive, scary piles on my kitchen counter.

I have good news to report: The unnamed PTO president who I mention in the piece -- who unsuccessfully argued my point to the school department this fall -- called me after reading the column and told me that there’s been a change of heart at the school. The day will be coming, she promised me, when the school will cease and desist with sending home three copies of the announcement that Friday is Aloha Day and that I’ll get ONE e-mail informing me of the mirth and frivolity at my children’s institutions of learning.

So if you feel overwhelmed by your child's school paperwork, take up the cause and make the case to your school district to go paperless. Print out the column and tell ‘em it CAN be done. Your cluttered kitchen counters will thank you.

Lenton Cash

During Lenton season every year, my interfaith household takes on the task of either giving something up or promising to do something for the greater good during the 40 days between Ash Wednesday and Easter. This year, as I did last year, I’ve said I’d try to give up swearing and saying “bad” words (to the kids, “bad” words include: Darn, damn, stupid, dumb and the obviously blue language that occasionally *cough* slips past my lips, even when the kids are out of earshot, such as when I'm driving to work solo and am trapped behind a horrifically slow motorist). When I make a mistake, as humans are apt to do, I must deposit a quarter into a jar. At the end of Lent, we’re going to donate the money to our church.

It’s been a rough couple of weeks. The jar is embarrassingly full. At least the church should be happy.

Letting the Kids Play

The New York Times ran a fascinating piece in their Sunday magazine this past weekend about the value of children’s free play time. Though it suggests that there’s no hard, scientific evidence that giving children the opportunity to play is a sure-fire ticket to future success, it does raise some interesting points. Well worth the read.

Read This

Humorist Christie Mellor has a very funny, spot-on essay detailing why you shouldn’t abandon who you are and suddenly don an angelic, Sancti-Mommy halo the minute you become a parent. It’s cleverly entitled, “Chardonnay Swilling Whore.” Not for the faint of heart. Or those who are easily offended.

(Image from Stone Soup.)

An Entirely Different Kind of Candidate

One day removed from Super-Duper Tuesday, I came across this post from Universal Hub which reminded me of one of my absolute favorite children’s books, “Duck for President," which contains wonderful lessons for kids.

Replete with historical references which make grown-ups reading the book chuckle (Duck strikes JFK-esque and Nixonian iconic poses, quotes FDR and Lincoln, and plays the saxophone on a late night comedy show like a former president who shall remain nameless), the book follows a duck who lives on a farm and decides he doesn’t think that this dude, Farmer Brown, should remain in charge. In his own quest for Change (with a capital “C”), Duck organizes an election on the farm and makes sure to help all the farm animals register to vote.

Once Duck wins the farm election, he quickly becomes bored with the job. So he decides to run for governor, wins, becomes bored, runs for president, wins, becomes bored by that gig and then winds up at the farm again . . . to write his memoirs.

Classic.

(Image from Scholastic.)

Three for Thursday: ‘Friday Night Lights,’ Work-Life Choices, Two Parents Working from Home

Item #1: ‘Friday Night Lights’

Everyone’s complaining about the writers’ strike and how – with the exception of a handful of shows that are premiering mid-season, namely “Lost,” – the majority of television programming is now relegated to reality programming and repeats.

But there are still a few original episodes of NBC’s drama “Friday Night Lights” left to air. And I’m heartily encouraging you to watch them. I enthusiastically muse about why I’m "Friday Night Lights" fan in this piece on Mommy Track’d. You can catch up on episodes at the NBC web site where they’re streaming the program for free.

Item #2: Work-Life Choices

The Washington Post’s parenting blogger Leslie Morgan Steiner posted an interesting piece this week about the surprising turns her career has taken since she became a mom. She writes:

“Looking back at myself and everyone I know who has children, I am still surprised at how plunging headfirst into parenthood changes us, our work goals, and what we want in life. And although my experience with parenthood has been mundane (no health crises, no divorces, no major physical disabilities -- the mental ones are another story) what I've seen is that personal earthquakes wreak even larger, more profound changes in life goals.”

Item #3: Both Parents Working From Home

Speaking of work-life choices . . . Working from home has its benefits and its drawbacks. And being a work-from-home parent also has its unique challenges. But what happens when you have not one, but two parents working from home? The Chicago Tribune ran a profile of a couple – who have two kids, ages 10 and 11 -- and who work from home. The husband and wife team both have separate offices on the main floor of their house and make jokes about having casual Fridays and office mixers. Do you think this kind of arrangement could ever work for you and your spouse?

(Image from NBC.)

Four for Friday: College Application Nuttiness, Kids’ Homework, HSM 3 and 'Baby Mama' Movie Trailer

Item #1: College Application Nuttiness

One of my favorite, down-to-earth columnists, Betsy Hart wrote a great piece tackling the issue of how much emphasis today’s parents place on their children getting into the “right” colleges, instead of trying to “raise persons of character who will eventually be able to thrive and prosper and grow and learn in almost any college – and really, any life – environment.”

“Especially in an ever-changing and dynamic economy,” Hart wrote, “it seems it’s really the student, not the college, that matters.”

Item #2: Kids’ Homework for Kids (Not Parents)

It’s your kid’s homework assignment. Not yours. And if your kid does poorly on it, it’s her fault, not yours.

That’s the message sent by a blog entry from the Washington Post’s “On Balance” parenting blog. Writer Julie Lenzer Kirk said that she took umbrage when her 10-year-old daughter said if she did poorly on an assignment it would be because her mom wouldn’t help her because her mom was working. Au contraire, Lenzer Kirk responded, adding that the kid would have to wait until she was available for help instead of waiting until the very last minute to work on it.

A quick read through the comments section was illustrative, including one comment from someone who says she’s a teacher and wrote: “Nothing bothers me more than a child who has every homework assignment completed perfectly, has no questions for me, yet fails a quiz because he or she doesn't really get it, because mom/dad essentially did the work.”

Item #3: 'High School Musical 3:' The Franchise That Will Not Die

I can sing and/or hum every song from the two “High School Musical” movies, as we are an all-HSM all-the-time household . . . that’s when we’re not being treated to the musical renderings of Hannah Montana or the Eldest Son’s pounding away on the drum set he got for Christmas.

And there’s no end in sight for the HSM madness as the announcement was made official this week that the major stars from the first two HSM films will indeed appear in "High School Musical 3" which is scheduled to be released in movie theaters this fall.

We’re all in this together . . .

Item #4: 'Baby Mama' Movie Trailer

“Baby Mama” is a new film slated for a spring release for which I just saw the trailer on the Entertainment Weekly web site. It looks like it has the potential to be darkly funny. It takes the idea of having someone else be your gestational surrogate and makes it (hopefully) humorous. That’s a tricky proposition. But the film stars Tina Fey, who has a small child herself. And Amy Poehler co-stars as Fey's fictional surrogate. So I’m keeping my fingers crossed. Watch the trailer here and judge for yourself.

Golden Globe Press Conference: Blah

I’m a sucker for the Golden Globes Awards show. Sure, the Oscar ceremony is fun to watch, but, given that I watch way more TV programs than films, I have more of a rooting interest in which TV programs win Golden Globes (and Emmys) since I’ve actually seen some of those shows. (What percentage of the public do you think actually sees all five of the Oscar’s Best Picture nominees?)

So when it was announced that the Golden Globe Awards ceremony would be cancelled due to the writers’ strike, I was disappointed. I wanted to celebrity-watch and root for some of my favorites, like AMC’s “Mad Men,", Patricia Arquette from “Medium” (very unsung) and ABC’s “Grey’s Anatomy” (I adore Chandra Wilson who plays Miranda Bailey).

Alas. All viewers got were celebrity “news” people (I use the word “news” lightly) standing behind podiums. High school graduation ceremonies are more exciting to watch.

But, when the names of the award winners were announced, several parent-family-themed programs and films wound up being shut out, compounding my frustration. Thought to be a shoe-in for at least one honor, the indie film “Juno” -- about a smart, scared pregnant teen who gives up her baby for adoption to an infertile couple where Jennifer Garner plays the mom -- received no awards, much to my chagrin. (My column about the exquisite portraits of the mothers in “Juno” can be found on the Huffington Post.) And, there was no Golden love for “Grey’s” or for Arquette.

However, one of my favorite TV shows, the fantastic “Mad Men” from AMC, won for best TV drama and best lead actor in a TV drama for Jon Hamm, who plays circa-1960 philandering advertising executive Don Draper who’s haunted by his troubled past. While I’ve shared my love for this program on a number of occasions – including in this piece and in this one – it was great to see this show get some props. I maintain that “Mad Men” provides some valuable insight into the personal politics of the home front. By looking back at the women of 1960 – from the at-home moms who feel trapped, to the divorced working mom who’s ostracized by the other at-home married moms as a threat (she also *gasp* had birth control pills in her bathroom) – one can see how things have changed in the ensuing 48 years. And how they haven’t.

For any who want to share my obsession with this period drama, AMC is re-running the first season starting January 21 . . . at midnight. Set your TiVos/DVRs.

(Image from AMC.)

Gestating While Celebritizing

Jennifer Lopez.

Jessica Alba.

Christina Aguilera.

Angelina Jolie.

Britney Spears.

Katie Holmes.

Marcia Cross.

Those are just a few of the names of celebs who’ve become mothers recently or are currently with child.

Starting from the early first weeks when most people try to keep a pregnancy under wraps for fear of miscarrying, paparazzi and celeb/Hollywood dirt diggers try to get the skinny on a potential baby bump that may or may not be growing on a celeb’s mid-section. This has become a virtual obsession that even makes it way from blogs and Hollywood gossip items to newspapers.

For several weeks this fall, for example, the media hounded Lopez – who’s pregnant with twins – about when she was going to announce that she was gestating. Why did we have to know about her pregnancy before she was was ready to announce it? Why have the media become so obsessed with the breeding habits of celebrities? Isn’t there something more compelling to cover?

The latest installment in the national obsession with pregnant celebs features two stories, one involving rumors that a TV star may (or may not) be growing a baby in her womb, and the other is about the 16-year-old sister of a troubled young celeb mother who is pregnant.

Oy to the vey.

For the love of Pete, can’t we just avert our eyes from these celebrity parenting train wrecks and simply leave other star moms and moms-to-be alone and simply worry about our own lives?

(Image from the Associated Press.)

‘Old School’ Sesame Street Too Much for Today’s Kids?

I was a “Sesame Street” kid. Absolutely loved the show. Loved the grouchiness of Oscar, the insatiably nutty appetite of Cookie Monster, the silliness of Grover and everything about Kermit. (I wasn’t keen on Big Bird though, wasn’t a huge fan of the "invisible" Snuffleupagus either.) So when I heard that the first two seasons of the ground-breaking children’s television show was coming to DVD, I wondered how my memories of the program would jive with reality.

That was my initial question, until I read two reviews of the recently released DVD set which say that the set includes -- get this -- a warning that the DVDs “are intended for grown-ups, and may not suit the needs of today’s preschool child.”

Are they kidding?

A Washington Post reviewer snarkily remarked: “Since the [DVD] booklet encourages parents and tots to watch together, it's unclear why this disclaimer is necessary. Could the Sesame Workshop leaders be concerned that today's kids might realize Cookie Monster wasn't always the healthy eater he's now become?”

But the real examination as to why the old “Sesame Street” episodes wouldn’t “suit the needs of today’s preschool child,” came from a New York Times’ TV reviewer who asked the show’s executive producer what was up with the warning. Given that today’s preschool child lives in a world where sexualized advertisements are everywhere, where people swear profusely in public -- and in front of children -- and where we’re constantly told that children learn about adult subjects at much younger ages than they used to when we were kids, I was very curious as to what the producer would say.

When the Times’ Virginia Heffernan posed the question, she said: “[Executive producer Carol-Lynn Parente] told me about Alistair Cookie and the parody ‘Monsterpiece Theater.’ Alistair Cookie, played by Cookie Monster, used to appear with a pipe, which he later gobbled. According to Parente, ‘That modeled the wrong behavior’ – smoking, eating pipes – ‘so we reshot those scenes without the pipe, then we dropped the parody altogether.’”

Parents also added that, “We might not be able to create a character like Oscar now.”

The best part of Heffernan’s sarcastic essay was her description of the early “Sesame Street” episodes:

“What they did to us was hard-core. Man, was that scene rough. The masonry on the dingy brownstone at 123 Sesame Street, where closeted Ernie and Bert shared a dismal basement apartment, was deteriorating. Cookie Monster was on the fast track to diabetes. Oscar’s depression was untreated. Prozacky Elmo didn’t exist.”

Heffernan observed, “The old ‘Sesame Street’ is not for the faint of heart, and certainly not for softies born since 1998, when the chipper ‘Elmo’s World’ started.”

Not for the faint of heart. And not, apparently, for today’s kids who too often exist in a bubble-wrapped, safety-crazed world in which some folks actually think they need to be shielded from, of all things, “Sesame Street.” Lest the children acquire an unhealthy pipe smoking habit.

Three for Thursday: Bomb Scare, Wimpy Kids, and Hopkinton Halloween-Themed Event (With Book Signing)

Item #1: Bomb Scare

If I had known that I could’ve slept a little later this morning after having stayed up until the bitter end of last night’s Red Sox game (I know, I should be over the fear of them blowing a huge lead, but I’m not) and NOT driven out to UMass to teach my first class because the campus was closed early this morning after someone found a suspected explosive device in a classroom, I’d be a much happier person right now.

Item #2: Wimpy Kids

This San Francisco Chronicle article by Peter Hartlaub about what he called, and I quote, “the wussification of American children,” is on the mark. An excerpt:

“We pamper our kids, over-schedule them, overemphasize fairness in
competition (the score ends in a tie . . . again!) and keep them indoors too
much, to the point that we’re doing them a huge disservice. Kids aren’t learning
how to get hurt, lose, fend for themselves, find their balance and discover
minor dangers on their own – all important parts of growing up.”

Item #3: Hopkinton Halloween-Themed Event (With Book Signing)

If you’ve ever been to downtown Hopkinton — near the starting point of the Boston Marathon – you’ve likely seen the local drug store/gift shop called, cleverly enough, Hopkinton Drug. Well, I’m going to be on hand there this Saturday during their Halloween Open House event. No, I won’t be dispensing pharmaceuticals, making gift recommendations or musing about marathons. Instead, from 1:30-3 p.m. I’ll be signing copies of The Book, “A Suburban Mom: Notes from the Asylum.”

Including among the Hopkinton Drug Open House festivities for the kiddos and their ‘rents: A Halloween costume contest, an arts and crafts table, candy tasting, balloons and Halloween stories. The store can be found at 52 Main Street on the corner of Routes 85 and 135.

If J. Lo. is Pregnant, Let Her Tell Us Herself

The internet and news media are abuzz with stories, based on the testimony of unnamed sources, that Jennifer Lopez is pregnant, possibly with twins. Those unconfirmed stories allege that she’s been undergoing infertility treatments including in vitro fertilization. (See the image to the left from another web site speculating on Lopez.)

Let me pose a question to those who are so quick to jump on the story: What if she’s NOT pregnant? What if she’s waiting to make an announcement until she’s certain the pregnancy is viable, so that if the pregnancy results in a miscarriage she won’t have to suffer in public? Why can’t people just wait?

This — in case you haven’t read previous rants on the same subject – is a pet peeve of mine, this tendency to hyper-scrutinize the bodies of child-bearing-age celebrities and to run oftentimes false rumors about a celeb who they think is pregnant. (The media and internet are currently musing about whether another celebrity is pregnant.)

Speaking as someone with experience with both in vitro fertilization and miscarriages, I can tell you that there’s no more terrifying time than the first trimester of a pregnancy for which you’ve been longing for years. So stories hypothesizing about whether a celeb is pregnant are not only premature, but they can potentially be cruel and intrusive.

It seems as though every few weeks or so, there’s some report breathlessly relayed over the internet about some star who might be pregnant. Half (or more) of those stories wind up being incorrect. It seems as though folks are in such a hurry to be the first to declare that someone’s pregnant, that they don’t care if they’re wrong or if they force a celeb to come forward before they’re comfortable to speak publicly about a pregnancy.

Nicole Kidman recently told Vanity Fair that she’d suffered a miscarriage early on in her marriage to Tom Cruise. Lucky for her, the internet and blogs weren’t a media force back then or else her personal tragedy would likely have been globally dissected for others’ pleasure.

The bottom line: What harm is there in waiting for a celebrity to announce her pregnancy? The media will still get months to analyze images of her growing belly, still be able to gossip about what she’s buying at chic baby boutiques and critique her gestational style. What’s the rush?

(Image from this web site.)

No Wait . . . FOUR is the New Two, At Least Among the Affluent

While I was knee-deep in my 6-year-old’s “Star Wars” birthday party prep on Sunday, NPR ran a segment about how affluent families are having more kids than they used to. The site’s promo for a segment on “competitive birthing” among “posh moms” said, “The newest status symbol for the nation's most affluent families is fast becoming a big brood of kids.” That brood being comprised of about four offspring, despite declining birth rates overall.

I stumbled across the story – in which fellow New Englanders were interviewed -- after reading about it on several web sites, including Rice Daddies. Babble’s Strollerderby blog wryly quipped: “I blame the Pitt-Jolies for adopting all of those children.”

After listening to the segment though, I must admit, there are times when I too wonder about kid Number Four. Then I forcefully bash my head against a wall a few times (to simulate the experience of three years worth of sleep deprivation, akin to what kid Number Three generously provided his parents) and splash cold water on my face. Then I snap out of it. Unlike the families discussed in the segment, I don’t have nannies, parenting consultants and other assorted household staff taking care of the kids so I can look salon-fresh each day.

E-mail Meredith

ABC Fall TV Premiere Dates: Desperate Housewives, Grey’s Anatomy

Set your DVRs and mark your calendars. ABC has released its fall TV premiere dates. Here are some programs which feature parent/mom-oriented storylines that I’ll be following:

“Grey’s Anatomy” – which featured provocative working mom storylines last season – begins at 9 p.m. on Thursday, September 27.

“Desperate Housewives” – which will feature Lynette Scavo (Felicity Huffman) battling cancer while working at the family restaurant and raising fivekids – premieres at 9 p.m. on Sunday, September 30.

“Brothers & Sisters” – which last season featured an executive-level working mom and a mom who gave birth to twins (though one of the twins died) – premieres after “Desperate Housewives” at 10 p.m. on September 30.

E-mail Meredith

(Image from ABC.)

If Hogwarts Was Accepting Applications . . .

. . . would you submit an application for your kid?

To forge ahead with the Harry Potter mania, the folks at iVillage have put together a package entitled, “Would You Send Your Kid to Hogwarts?” They asked parenting “experts” and regular parents – in a tongue-in-cheek fashion – if they’d consider enrolling their kids at the Hogwarts school for wizards, as though it were the equivalent of a tennis camp, only with a dark side, as well as if they’d assess the school based on whether it had an anti-bullying policy.

My favorite response was from Sherry Davey (aka “Funny Mom”) who said:

“The whole boarding school thing would make our struggle for child care obsolete. However, Hogwarts Castle does seem very damp and dusty, which is not good for allergies and asthma. That puts my child and many others out of the running. Why don’t they just magically install dehumidifiers?”

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(Image from iVillage.)

'The Three-Martini Family Vacation' Author Q&A

As faithful readers of this blog and my Parents and Kids columns know, I’m a huge (embarrassingly huge) fan of the book The Three-Martini Playdate. It’s a tongue-in-cheek call for parents to chill the heck out, to stop centering their lives solely around their young charges and to just act like adults for gosh sakes. And if the adults have a little fun while sipping a martini every once and while, well that’s just fine with the author.

In fact, witty author Christie Mellor has a new book out, The Three-Martini Family Vacation, a series of essays on how to survive traveling with children, recreating with children (and without) and how to survive extended visits from family and friends. Mellor has kindly obliged me by answering five questions about the book and her work. Here are the questions and answers:

Meredith: You provided some very funny family vacation tips, ranging from how to survive flights with young children, to how to muster up vacation-like excitement in one's own backyard. What's your favorite "travel with kids" tip?

Christie Mellor, author of The Three-Martini Family Vacation: One of my favorite -- completely real and very useful tip -- is the “King or Queen for a Day” idea. Traveling with kids can often lead to disagreements over who wants to do what, and when — but if every family member has a chance to be King or Queen for a day, the dissention disappears like magic. Everyone has a chance to plan at least one vacation day, making a list of things they want to do -- within reason, of course --and everyone else has to go along with it.

This started with a visit to San Francisco to see my dad; my husband has very specific things he likes to do there, so he came up with this idea. When you are doing someone else’s dream day, you can anticipate your own, and it can be a surprise how much you end up enjoying someone else’s day. If you are a family of four, and you aren’t going to be anywhere for four days, well, get creative and divide up the days between two or more family members. The point is, the vacation isn’t planned entirely around the children and their perceived needs; Mom and Dad get to do what they want to do, too.

Meredith: You skewered kid-centric, theme park vacations as very, shall we say, unfun. I loved your piece of advice, "If all else fails, bring a flask! Adding a fine vodka to your juice box helps cut the sugar and imparts a general feeling of well-being when faced with giant walking plush toys, dancing bears, and talking cartoon figures, apparitions that can be a little unnerving . . . in a state of sobriety."

Tell me what you REALLY think of Disney, and whether you think it'd be improved by selling Absolut at the concessions stand.

Mellor: First of all, whatever I may or may not add to my juice box, some of the suggestions in my book are, shall we say, meant in fun. Not all of them. I am dead serious about most of them. However, in all seriousness I would not encourage thousands of sun-stroked, exhausted parents to start swilling vodka in the middle of the Country Bear Jamboree just before they hop on the Indiana Jones Roller Coaster. Disneyland probably has a very good reason they don’t serve hard alcohol, for the clean-up factor, if nothing else.

Meredith: I loved the essay in your book about coping with a parent who stays with your family for an extended visit. How did you get away with being so, uh, HONEST about your experiences with your mother-in-law? To get over her tension, hovering and unsolicited advice, you suggest plying mothers-in-law with Manhattans.

Mellor: Oh, dear, your readers are going to think that all my advice entails heavy drinking. However, in this case it really worked. I actually ran that piece by my husband, since it does concern his mother. He approved wholeheartedly, and I believe he considered it a tribute, of sorts. His mother passed away a few years ago, which is how I got away with it. Although I fully expect her to show up on my sofa any day now, with her crossword puzzle and a pout on her face, having heard through the celestial grapevine of the homage. But seriously. Poker and a cocktail. Fun for the whole family.

Meredith: You lampoon holiday family letters, particularly letters accompanied by photos of children dressed in plaid. What's the most obnoxious holiday card you've ever received?

Mellor: It really has more to do with who is sending you the card. One couple we know always puts their only, perfect child -- and his faithful hound -- on their holiday card. We know this child to be insufferable and annoying, so it’s always a good chuckle to get the yearly card.

Usually it’s the most horrible child you know, and there he is, alone on the card, in a red suit and a plaid vest. The lengthy, chipper, overweening newsletters are, at this point, such an object of mockery I can’t believe people still write them, but there you go. Intimate, personal details of people’s lives, sent out for the entire world to see.

Meredith: Do you ever get grief from people over your sarcasm, particularly in light of the "Today Show" hullabaloo over moms who had cocktails during playdates?

Mellor: You know, that was almost me on that “Today Show” segment, which sounded like a real ambush. I think one of the reasons I ended up not being on, was because in the pre-interview I guess I didn’t talk about alcohol enough. Look, it’s a metaphor, people. Just adding a pitcher of cosmos to your playdates is not going to help you be a more relaxed parent; if you are still ferrying your children to nineteen enrichment classes a week and catering to their every whim, adding alcohol to the mix will only make you a very busy drunk.

The point is, make your children be a part of the family, not the tiny suns around which you all revolve. It will be better for the family, and better for your children. And if you enjoy the occasional cocktail, then send the kids into the other room (encouraging them to happily play by themselves) and enjoy some well-earned grown-up time. And then read my books!

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(Image from Christie Mellor's web site.)